three racoons in a trenchcoat

I realize this is a cast iron gate but I’m choosing to believe it’s a magic protection ritual

It IS a magic protection ritual, and it summons an iron gate to protect you from intruders. 

“I cast Iron Gate!”

As a blacksmith I have been called a wizard by several small kids

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

it’s a shame more vampire media doesn’t pull from vampire bat behavior because they’re such sweeties. they can only survive their incredibly specialized diet because bats will share blood with colony members that didn’t find a meal! there’s evidence that suggests the donors sometimes initiate this behavior themselves by approaching hungry bats! the colonies are mostly harems of females with a few males but they’ve been observed letting unrelated males in when it gets cold so they can all stay warm! cute little social critters!

[Image ID: Tumblr tags reading: #this post gave me a beautiful mental image of a vampire mansion full of beautiful goth women #dragging in brooding ya vampire boyfriends from the cold like stray cats /End ID]

magical girl shows really did snap when they assigned personality traits based off the members colors

Don’t forget green - more mature and very reliable

Red - Mad

okay but this implies the existence of a lost pink teletubby. a fallen leader too painful to talk about anymore

tubby custard.

where….where are the notes……

in the tubby custard with the pink teletubby

‎

I truly believe someone will step up and assassinate elon and therefore i have hope

Praying that $1500 randomly comes to you when you need it the most this year.

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

therapy can be expensive. archive of our own and toxic old man yaoi are forever free

Ah, yes. The chapter. The chapter that I have to post tomorrow. The chapter that I haven't finished writing. The chapter that will take less time to write than the time taken to procrastinate. For the fic. The fic that one person has left comments for. The fic that has taken a turn in a direction I didn't expect. The fic that was supposed to be mostly silly and now has angst slipping in every time I glance at it.

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.

my toxic writing trait is imagining the scene in my head in long, full cinematic detail and then writing: “they fought. it was intense.”

New idea for the Jackles' psychological torture chamber: someone should ask him if he thinks Dean stopped having sex with women in the later seasons because Dean has developed an erectile dysfunction.

"If you accept any food from the fae, they shall never let you go" is a human belief. The fair folk stand by the principle that if you feed 'em, you gotta keep 'em. If wildlife learns to rely on you for food, you have already fucked up, and you can't just stop feeding them cold turkey. That human is your responsibility now. Because you left your peach cobbler unsupervised.