'ello

they send me to space war even though i’m so freaking small i’m literally just a grunt. they only gave me a pasma pistol. i’m gonna fucking die

heartbreaking: well intentioned person who needs detailed instructions to function is giving extremely detailed instructions to person who gets overwhelmed with large volumes of information

lying in front of the street cleaner

did the street cleaner believe you?

it is like talking to a fucking genie with you people

i hope this email kills us both instantly

Thank god soulmates (one person destined for you that you will never be happy without) aren't real but soulmates (people you understand and connect with on a special level, multiple, some of which you havent met yet) are real

they got trans bitches on here named shit like Die

sie haben trans bitches hier, die haben so beschissene Namen wie The

before you murder everyone in the room because you had a bad day. haveyou done your sudoku yet

psychiatrist at arkham asylum talking to the riddler

The "Save me X" meme is such an integrated part of my brain now that I just go around chanting it in my head constantly. Save me nice clean sheets. Save me YouTube drawing tutorial. Save me Aldi's frozen Bavarian pretzel. And you know what? They do.

In my mind I can see the northern lights in the sky every night bc I have a vivid imagination I’m not jealous of anyone it’s impossible for me to be jealous really I’ve seen it all

I think now that queens dead they should have her stuffed and put on display in Cairo for the next 150 years.

BLAZE REJECTED MY POST WOW LOL

We'll make sure at least 100k people see it for free then.

Those Tumblr ads are two seconds away from selling a water bottle that says something like “I ask the two headed calf what dying feels like and he says that not everything feels like something else”