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@cupcakefactory444

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dear world,
i miss my boyfriend, he needs to stay in my pocket 24/7 and never leave my side. need my cutie always
dear world,
i dont think people understand what it means to be in this much pain every single day. not sadness. not a bad week. i mean waking up every morning already exhausted from surviving your own mind. every second feels like being trapped inside something thats trying to kill you while still expecting you to answer texts and act normal and carry on like youre not internally screaming all the time. im so tired of fighting thoughts i never asked for. tired of trying to convince myself to stay alive when every part of my head is begging for silence. its torture, actual torture. and the worst part is how invisible it is. people look at you and see a person functioning while inside youre enduring something violent and relentless and unbearable. i wouldnt wish this on anyone, genuinely. there is nothing humane about living with a brain that turns against you every hour of every day. there is nothing poetic about spending your life trying to survive yourself. i dont want attention. i dont want pity. i just need someone to understand that this is not laziness or weakness or a phase. this is agony. this is carrying unbearable pain in complete silence, and it hurts so so so fucking bad.
dear world,
i love unanswerable questions. there is something almost breathtaking about not knowing. life after death, the origin of everything, the true scale of the universe, all of it sitting just beyond reach. the universe is not something we are meant to finish understanding. we can study it, map it, theorise about it, but there will always be more thats just beyond human comprehension. and strangely, that is comforting rather than frustrating. i think there is something quite lucky yet disastrously unlucky about being conscious inside all of that mystery. aware enough to notice it, but not powerful enough to explain it. so much of existence will always remain unknown, and there is something exhilarating in that limit. we arent central figures in a grand design. we are small, temporary beings inside something vastly larger than ourselves. and instead of diminishing that experience, it makes it feel more alive. not everything has to be solved. some things are just meant to be witnessed. i love how everyone has their own ideas about who we are, how things work, where everything came from. there are facts, there is evidence, there are models that get closer and closer to describing reality (like the CMB) but there is always a limit. there is always a โbeforeโ, and that before becomes harder and harder to define the further back you go. not because weve failed, but because explanation itself has limits. and i think theres something so beautiful in knowing that the only thing that holds the true answer is the one thing we can never understand.
dear world,
i resent being a girl.
people like to say we are equal now, but that doesnt match reality. sometimes i just sit in sadness because of how im treated purely because of a gender that was assigned just by chance. and what makes it worse is knowing it wont stop. it will follow me for the rest of my life in one form or another. i am grateful to have choices about my future, and grateful to those who had to fight for it, but that does not erase how uneven everything still is, or how exhausting it is to exist in it. in some places, women and girls are still denied basic rights like education and freedom. and even in places that call themselves free, those rights are being questioned again, as if progress is optional. i dont understand it. i dont understand why equality is still something people debate instead of something that simply exists.

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dear world,
here are some reasons i would not willingly participate in this society:
1. patriarchy
a system where power, authority, and credibility are still disproportionately male. it doesnt always appear as obvious control, but as expectation, limitation, and dismissal embedded into everyday life.
2. capitalism
reduces human existence to output. worth becomes measurable only through productivity, profit, and consumption. rest is essentially laziness, and survival is conditional.
3. misogyny (systemic and cultural)
in 2024, around 50,000 women and girls were killed by intimate partners or family members worldwide, this equates to one woman or girl being killed by someone in their own family every 10 minutes, averaging 137 per day. this reflects not inconsistency, but structure. surveys in several countries show rising acceptance of sexist attitudes among young men, due to SOCIAL MEDIA, indicating not decline but transformation and spread. women are being denied healthcare, education and opportunities everywhere.
4. normalisation of online radicalisation
social media algorithms increasingly promote harmful content (misogyny, racismโฆetc), particularly to younger audiences.
5. conservatism as preservation of inequality
often seen as stability or tradition, but in practice resists social progress. maintains existing hierarchies under the pretence of order, even when those hierarchies are demonstrably and obviously harmful.
6. weaponisation of religion
belief systems that could promote compassion are frequently used to justify exclusion, discrimination, and control.
7. conditional human value
people are respected based on status, wealth, gender, or conformity rather than inherent dignity. deviation from norms results in marginalisation.
8. illusion of meritocracy
success is presented as purely individual achievement, ignoring structural advantages and barriers. failure is personalised, while inequality is systematised.
9. performative progress
surface level inclusion without structural change. diversity is aestheticised while underlying systems remain intact.
10. emotional and intellectual conformity
deviation from dominant perspectives is discouraged through ridicule, social exclusion, or misrepresentation, limiting genuine critical thought.
11. desensitisation to harm
constant exposure to injustice leads to apathy. suffering becomes background noise rather than a call to action. nothing is affecting people like it should be.
12. social media influence
platforms that shape perception, identity, and belief systems through algorithms that prioritise engagement over truth. reality becomes curated, distorted, harmful for young impressionable children.
13. โpay to liveโ structure
basic necessities such as housing, food, and healthcare are commodified. survival is not guaranteed, but dependent on financial capacity.
14. unequal pay
persistent wage gaps across gender, race, and class. compensation is influenced by systemic bias. ew
15. injustice within legal systems
law is presented as objective, yet outcomes are often shaped by wealth, status, and access to resources. justice is unevenly distributed. leading to wrongful convictions, and in some instances, innocents being wrongfully killed due to the belief of justice.
16. normalisation of war
conflict is treated as strategy or policy rather than human tragedy. violence becomes institutionalised and, at times, economically incentivised.
17. global inequality (first world vs third world)
resources, opportunities, and living standards are unevenly distributed globally. wealthier nations often benefit from systems that sustain this imbalance. society and resources are essentially further developed or underdeveloped, depending on the country.
18. climate change inaction
clear scientific evidence is repeatedly ignored or minimised in favour of short term economic and political interests. responsibility is displaced while consequences escalate.
19. political pandering to ignorance
policies and narratives are often simplified or distorted to appeal to poorly informed audiences, prioritising popularity over accuracy, nuance, or long term benefit.
20. monotony of structured life
life is reduced to repetitive cycles of work, obligation, and limited autonomy. individuality is constrained by routine, leaving little space for genuine exploration or meaning.
21. loss of ambition among young people
young people increasingly abandon long term dreams because of financial barriers, inaccessible education, and low economic return on effort.
22. education as a financial barrier
access to learning is restricted by cost, turning knowledge into a privilege rather than a right.
23. overqualification crisis
individuals are required to exceed job expectations for roles that do not reflect their skill level.
24. housing instability
secure and affordable housing is increasingly unattainable.
25. glorification of overwork
constant labour is idealised, while rest is stigmatised.
26. imbalance between work and life
personal time is sacrificed to sustain economic survival.
27. erosion of privacy
surveillance and tracking are embedded into daily life.
28. exploitation of personal data
information is commodified without meaningful consent.
31. objectification through beauty standards
appearance is prioritised over substance, affecting self perception.
32. inaccessibility for disabled individuals
systems are not designed with inclusivity as a priority.
33. mental health crisis
mental health issues are rising doe to reasons like social media, economic pressure, isolation, post pandemic stress, and gender expectations. rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout are rising, particularly among young people, while access to effective support remains uneven and often insufficient.
34. erosion of human rights
in some contexts, legal and political decisions have led to the weakening or removal of protections that are meant to safeguard individual freedoms and dignity.
35. dehumanisation of asylum seekers
in countries like the uk and others in europe, people seeking asylum through irregular routes are often treated more as a legal problem than as people needing protection and safety. they are often stigmatised, with public and political language sometimes making them seem dangerous or unwanted rather than people in need of safety.
36. selective use of statistics
some stats are presented in a way that supports a particular political or ideological position, while ignoring wider context or contradictory evidence. often seen in media and online, where information is framed and presented in a way that gets more attention or backs up a certain belief.
- obviously i understand that some kind of system has always been needed, even from the very beginning of human life. we need structure, rules, ways for things to function otherwise it would be chaos.
but what we have now feels way too far from that idea. it feels like we had every chance to build something better and more balanced, and instead it ended up focused on competition, hierarchy, and getting ahead of others.
it doesnt really feel like progress when so much of it still comes down to pressure, inequality, and people trying to stay above each other instead of just living alongside each other. especially within the working class, it can feel like ordinary people are constantly being pitted against each other, when really there should be more focus on coming together. because when people at the bottom are divided and competing, it tends to benefit the people at the top far more than anyone else.
anyway i choose no. thanks x
dear world,
i want a life of freedom and wildness. not scheduled, not measured, not reduced to routines that blur into each other until the years drag on and on eventually to nothing. i dont want to wake up one day and realise i traded my time, my energy, my curiosity for something that never truly mattered to me, in a world and society where i never truly mattered to them.
i want to move where i feel pulled, not where i am told is sensible. i want beautiful mornings in unfamiliar places, nights that belong entirely to me, and days that are not dictated by expectation. i want to feel the world directly, not through a screen or a schedule or through memories of wanting but never achieving dreams.
i dont want a life built on obligation. i would never want to pour myself into something that leaves nothing of me behind. the ordinary shouldnt be a cage and i refuse to accept that monotony is the price of stability.
i want freedom without pressure. space to think, to choose my own path, not whats wanted of/for me. i want a life where im not constantly carrying the weight of expectations, where i am not defined by productivity or usefulness.
just me, the world, and the person i love. no one else, nothing overwhelming, no unnecessary ties. something that actually feels like living. in other words i dont want a jay oh bee.
dear world,
i keep thinking about how you only get one life and instead of it feeling inspiring it just feels scary. everything matters too much all at once. i want to do everything, see everything, feel everything. i dont want to waste time living a version of life that was designed for someone else.
i want freedom in the most literal way. not just in theory, but actual freedom. to move, to learn, to change, to exist without being boxed into roles that were never made with me in mind. i dont want motherhood, i dont want to be shaped around someone elses expectations, i dont want to quietly fold myself into something smaller just because its easier for the world to understand.
i want to be so disgustingly educated in a way thats almost excessive. i want to know things just for the sake of knowing them. i want independence that is solid and undeniable, where i never have to rely on anyone who thinks that gives them ownership over me.
and i know that sounds certain, but sometimes it isnt. sometimes it scares me how much i want from life. how big it all feels. like if i dont reach it, then what was the point of wanting it so badly in the first place.
and the thought of love is heavy when i start diving deep into my thoughts. its conditional. like what if the person im supposed to spend my life with expects me to shrink. to compromise until i dont even recognise what i wanted in the first place. what if โpartnershipโ just becomes another word for sacrifice, and somehow its always me doing the sacrificing. the only thing i expect from people is compassion and loyalty, but then again, not everyone thinks the same.
i dont want a life where i have to ask permission to be myself. i dont want dreams that come with disclaimers. i dont want to build something beautiful just to be told its too much, too independent, too difficult to fit into someone elses version of a future.
and maybe the fear isnt that ill run out of time. maybe its that ill be convinced to give it away.
because i know what i want. i want a life that feels like mine, and people who walk into it should be adding to that freedom, not negotiating it down. which is why im weary of adding people into my life, i know everyone has different goals and opinions but this is my life and it will go the way that i dream of it to. no matter how selfish that may sound its true, and its true for everyone.
dear world,
as a woman, from the moment i am born there is an expectation waiting for me at the end of the road: procreation. as if that is the natural conclusion of my life, rather than something i get to question, refuse, or never choose at all. i do not want that path. i dont want my existence narrowed into reproduction and recovery from it. thankfully, ive never been brought up to believe that that is my purpose, from a child my parents always pushed me to be academic and taught me to never rely on anyone other than myself, to be independent and successful.
i respect housewives, i truly do, but i cannot think of anything worse for myself personally than being financially dependent on someone else, trapped in a cycle of domestic labour that never ends, managing a house, a body, children, meals, emotions, and exhaustion while pretending it is fulfilment. the idea of staying home all day raising screaming, crying children while waiting for someone else to return from a day of โprovidingโ feels like a life that is built around disappearance rather than identity.
men want children the way children want puppies. they imagine the joy, the softness, the idea of it. but the reality is carried, endured, and rebuilt by someone else entirely. the sleepless nights, the physical toll, the emotional weight, the constant responsibility that does not switch off. and still it is framed as natural, as expected, as something women simply step into.
women fought for the right to vote, to be educated, to be heard as full people, not extensions of a household. and yet that history sits alongside a present that still tries to gently steer us back into the same narrow shape, just with better language.
i want to work. i want education. i want independence. i want a life that is mine in every sense of the word, not one that exists to support or soften someone elses.
my purpose is not to be absorbed into a role. it is to become fully myself.
and no tradition, expectation, or quiet pressure gets to override that.
dear world,
just finished studying history and it genuinely makes me a sad how humans treated and still treat the planet and others like something to conquer, divide up, and monetise instead of just something to live with. literally all of it is wealth, power, capitalism and the actual world beneath it all just got lost and stripped for parts.
anyway, you would never catch me enthusiastically creating more slaves for the system, thats not what id eagerly say is my lifes purpose

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dear world,
i wish it was the 80s. and i wish i was an AMERICAN in the 80sโฆ that would have been awesome.
dear world,
we should have been married by yesterday.
dear world,
life is processed through your brain, everything you are goes through that one filter: thoughts, memories, personality, awareness, all of it. so when people talk about an afterlife, it physicallyyy makes me recoil, because i cant separate โmeโ from the thing that is producing me. if the brain stops, the whole system stops. there is no processing, no awareness, no continuation. just nothing. thinking about what happens after in a โanother life wayโ makes me uncomfortable. we will never know for certain, but the logical sense of it is that consciousness cannot continue once the mechanism creating it is gone. and thats just it, nothing. but if there is something after this, the idea of existing forever as myself is NOT comforting. i admire the people who think it is. the only thing that is comforting about it to me is that there is just nothing.
dear world,
everyone else is already living the life i thought i would have. i wanted to study, to go to university, college, to have a degree and knowledge in something i actually care about and to feel like i was building something real for myself. i wanted friends, normal days, going out. it doesnt feel like that at all. it feels like i am watching everything from the outside. i am not where i wanted to be and everyday that feeling is so heavy and tiring. i still care about that future. i still want to try for it, but ive been trying and im not getting any closer. i dont think it will ever happen.
ive disappointed my younger self. the girl who loved english, who asked endless unanswerable questions just because she needed to know things. she wanted to be intelligent in a way that made people stop and listen, she dreamed of having loads of friends, of always being surrounded by people, of life feeling loud and fun and easy to step into. she was so excited to grow up. she thought it was all going to fall into place. and now i just feel stuck watching everyone else have the life i so desperately dreamed of. friends, school, going out, all of it. the things i wanted more than anything justโฆ happening for other people while i am just stuck watching. i let her down.
dear world,
โin love, one and one are one.โ
he really is my other half, ive never known anyone to be so perfect. i love his love, his values, his way of life, i love how he just understands me without even trying. he makes me feel safe, all warm and cosy tucked up in his heart. i know im safe here, and hes safe in mine. it feels like whatever we are isnt confined to this life, weโre just two pieces of the same puzzle finding each other, over and over.
โlove is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.โ
loving him feels like something ive known forever, a memory i never had to learn. it comes to me effortlessly, it was always meant to be this way. we dont just fit, we intertwine completely, two souls that were never meant to be apart. he feels like home in a way i cant even try to explain. out of everything in this world, he is the one thing that makes perfect sense to me. speaking to him feels like hearing my own thoughts echoed back, he is not separate from me. he feels like a part of me i found outside of myself. my heart, somehow, living in human form.
โtwo souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.โ

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dear world,
i love my boyfriend in the most beautiful, gentle way possible, i just want to be near him all the time. not even doing anything important, just existing beside him, feeling him there.
i want to sit with him for hours, talk about nothing, and run my hands through his curly hair like its the only thing that matters. i want time to just slow down and stay there with us. i love him so much hes such a cutie :p
dear world,
i cant wait to decorate my house. blankets everywhere, pink pillows piled high, the CUTEST sheer curtains. i want it so cosy that i never leave, never answer emails, never step outside, never contribute to society. just me, my fairy lights, and the comfort of my kitties.