So, for a while I was doing mailroom/account followup work for a nonprofit, and on my firt day there, one of the ladies, âDebbieâ asked me when my Birthday was. Assuming she was planning office Birthday parties, I told her.
The next day she came in with my ENTIRE star chart with personality tropes, life advice, predicitons for my future and so on. Now, I donât go in for Astrology but I can tell when someone is making a well-meaning gesture and I can say âThank youâ and shut up.
Especially because I told her the Wrong Birthday.
See, my birthday is in the middle of a cluster of a whole bunch of family birthdays and growing up I used to have to share my Birthday with my older cousins and while thatâs not really a big deal (even fun if youâre older) it kinda sucks when youâre five and none of your cousins share your interests.
So mom made a deal with me: Weâd celebrate my âUn-Birthdayâ in January, when nobody else in the family has a birthday or anything else, and the ârealâ birthday would be my Cousinâs. I got my own birthday and they got a second party and it was fun.
As I got older, I just started using my Un-Birthday for everything except paperwork, becuase January is boring and bereft of holidays except the one thatâs really part of Xmas these days. On paperwork, I put my real one, but Iâve been celebrating my birthday in the wrong month for over 25 years now, and didnât think about it when she asked, and told her my Un-Birthday.
And for a few weeks everything was fine.
Another woman in the office âSharonâ was also big into Astrology and was convinced Debbie was Doing It Wrong, so when she was going over payroll, she saw my Legal Birthday, realized Debbie had filled out the chart wrong, and then proceded to drag Debbie on the company facebook group, and a bunch of astrology groups they were both in.
I found out when I came in three days later from a long weekend and Debbie burst into tears and sobbed âHOW COULD YOU LIE TO MEEEEEE???â
After an extremely garbled recounting by our coworkers, a talk with my manager about âHey yeah I donât think itâs Legal for Sharon to take my name and date of birth from Payroll and put it all over facebook?â, the manager had a talk about âI know you are all over 50 but this is NOT WHAT THE COMPANY FACEBOOK IS FORâ, Sharon was âremoved from the premesisâ and I finally got to sit down with Debbie.
I explained the slip-up and how I sort of have two birthdays and think of the January Birthday is my âRealâ one.
Debie looked up from where sheâd been sobbing into her tissue all morning, realization dawning on her less like the illumination of the sun and more like a baby sea turtle headed in the wrong direction because of light Pollution.
âOh!â She said âYouâre TRANS-ZODIAC! You might have been born as an Aries, but youâre really a Capricorn!â
As someone whoâs been hit by a minivan and gotten a minor skull fracture from it, Iâm pretty sure hearing that sentence gave me more brain damage.