I'm a digital dog with five electric asses

honestly the original USDA food pyramid was funny as fuck for recommending 6-11 servings of bread a day. like honestly don't mind if I do

Life feels like it became more cooperative for me when I stopped internally begging for and desperately wanting anything, a career, a relationship, a home, etc. and I started asking “why do i want this?” And “how can I move towards it gracefully”. Stop demanding. Start asking better questions.

Man this store has a weird playlist, it's all Weird Al songs but with the lyrics switched out for ones that aren't funny.

I'm **remembers i owe the public no personal information** 17cm tall

My disguise fucking sucks and i am going to get killed

you could jerk off to this

I’m reblogging this because it is a nice color PLEASE ignore that last part about jerking off that is not what I wanted to say by reblogging this post tumblr staff could you please remove that rude comment from my post thank you very much?

we should name this color “jerking off green”

Something I think about a lot is when dj khaled spent a day lost at sea on a jet ski literally just because he drove away and got lost and started live posting about it and as he got increasingly panicked he started making like inspirational insta stories about his opps wanting him to fail even though he was entirely responsible for the situation and just started saying shit like “they don’t want you to WIN. they don’t want you to get found when you’re lost at sea in the dark”

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

play toys ?

come play toys

the prince of darkness commands you

i’m on onion rings right now

they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé