JD

‘Cause like, our boy is autistic, which makes him more sensitive to a lot of stuff, but also on a very real note, he doesn’t emotionally process most of his life. I say this as someone who is both medicated and therapized, but I still cannot emotionally process things unless I work through it out loud (AuDHD, baby!). Therefore, Shane internalizes EVERYTHING. He won’t sob or act out or be dramatic, he’ll just go quiet (and then MAYBE he’ll cry if he’s alone, maybe).

Shane hires people to manage things for him, yes, but when it comes to himself, he will Handle That Shit. Yep, it’s not healthy or wise most of the time (his ED, obsessive training, etc), but that’s how Shane regulates his feelings and emotional wellbeing. Again, he doesn’t do regulation well, but rigid routines and rules make him stable enough to present as a functional human (me too, Shane).

Shane doesn’t need Ilya to tell him how to think or feel. He does need to be poked at sometimes to actually talk about things, but Shane will not be the kind of person who has explosively emotional breakdowns at the drop of a hat. Between masking his autism and strict media training, he will never be that kind of person.

It’s also important to note that Shane grew up in a safe, loving home. His parents (from what we know) have a very healthy relationship. Yuna, while a little overbearing, is stable and controlled (behaviour that Shane likely mimics) and David is a very calm, relaxed guy that balances out his wife’s intensity. It’s very likely that Shane rarely witnessed any fights and if he did, it’s unlikely they were highly emotional displays.

Between them, Ilya will be the one who’s prone to emotional breakdowns. With the C-PTSD of his childhood finally catching up and his battle with depression, Ilya will struggle to regulate or push it down, especially since he’s in a place where he has a good support system. It’s part-brain chemistry and part learned behaviour bc his father was obviously abusive (explosively, so, from what we can glean about both Ilya & his mother) and he watched his mother struggle with depression. Ilya can put on a face until he explodes because he has no other way of expression.

What if I told you that John himself wouldn’t want Francesca to grieve forever? There’s a two year time skip between s4 & s5, meaning Francesca had the socially acceptable year-long grieving period as well as another year to grieve. Mind you, there’s no timeline for grief or when it’s appropriate to move on because every person and relationship is different.

“UGH, I just really wanted Eloise’s season!”

In the books, Eloise is in her thirties by the time she gets married. She’s been “on the shelf” for a long time because she never felt the urgency of marriage nor did she care to marry.

In the show, Eloise is categorically, explicitly opposed to marriage and, it seems, men in general. S4 is the first time that she recognizes that marriage isn’t always something bad or constraining, but it can be quite wonderful when the right people find each other. While this is a good step, she needs to figure out how and why marriage might be something she wants.

Maybe Philip encourages the pursuit of higher education (the endorsement of a husband would likely allow her to enroll in a university especially considering her current social standing). Maybe she becomes a governess for his children and love blooms organically that way.

“But the infertility storyline…!”

Were you watching S4 with your eyes closed and with ear plugs in? We witnessed John and Francesca actively trying for children and failing to conceive. We witnessed Fran struggle with feelings of inadequacy for failing to provide John with a child (which she feels is her whole duty as a wife). In fact, I’d argue that the infertility has greater depth in the show because it’s less about the child and more about Fran’s grief.

I’d argue that Francesca doesn’t know if she actually wants children, but lives in a world where that is expected of her. With John, she can see that future because she loves him and knows he will be a good father. However, in the wake of his death, she doesn’t talk about wanting to be a mother but how much a failure she feels for not providing John with an heir. She grieves not having a child because it means that John is gone and she has nothing left of him, not even a child in which she might see his face or hear his laugh again.

“Michael was my favourite!”

Oh, the Michael that threatened to fuck Francesca until she got pregnant & would then HAVE to marry him. Sure thing, babes.

“It’s not historically accurate.”

Be so fucking for real right now.

Gay people have always existed. They lived with life-long “roommates” and signalled other queer people with fashion accessories or certain vocal inflections.

Not to mention that Fran’s a widow. It’s perfectly acceptable for her to never re-marry because she already did it. She fulfilled social expectations by having a husband until he was taken tragically. Michaela being her “companion” would be easily accepted by general society.

“Michaela can’t get her pregnant.”

First of all, believe in her a bit more. Second of all, pregnancy isn’t the only way to have a child, and by harping on this, you’re all perpetuating the idea that a mother whose children aren’t biologically hers is less than. An infertile woman is somehow broken.

“The book—“

Infertility is the least important theme in the book. Francesca is still struggling with her grief and struggling with what it means to fall in love again after the death of her husband. She worries that because her love with Michael/a negates the one she had with John because they were so different.

John was safety, a lighthouse in a storm, a source of peace and acceptance. It was a quiet love that warms like curling up next to a fire with a blanket and a good book.

Michael/a is an inferno. Challenging and at times, infuriating. There is comfort still, but more often, it’s the type of love that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Something that defies every idea you once had for yourself.

Neither love is more valuable than the other. Francesca needed to love John first—needed to live for the first time outside of her chaotic family in peace. Being with someone similar to her let her know that there was nothing wrong with her. With her routines and rigid expectations and puzzles, John took those things in stride, never making her feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to be that way.