just dream.♥

Freshman in college. Going into Biochem + German this fall- my two passions! :D ** I WAS addicted to the show revolution- now it's (mostly) the 100 and arrow.  I'm 15 (okay almost 16..but still), super hyper, addicted to bicycling as well, and catholic.  Oh, and my favorite colour is blue. Aww yeah.

**p sure i was seventeen when i wrote the biochem + german part and my dumb ass just didn’t fix the rest of the description

vs.

that being said, i wanted to share this for posterity. this was a dark time and i didn’t have a bunch of hope, but i hung on for all i had and i did get out of the pit eventually. the tone of this poem largely reflects that. it’s dark but it’s hopeful. it makes me see how far i’ve come and also how far there’s left to go.

~~

these days i’m hard pressed

to see the difference between

a suicide note and a love letter

except that one isn’t to a person

but to a person’s faults

maybe if that person had a love letter

they wouldn’t be bastardizing one

maybe love alone isn’t enough to heal a person

a person has to want to change

but change is hard

and i am hard pressed to write myself a love letter

“dear me, it’s okay that you had your size,

have bad luck with guys,

(or everyone),

and the nightmares eat you alive”

because exactly none of that is really okay

but in that shadow of a love letter

it’s starting to feel like it is

but that doesn’t mean the other love letter

(”dear everyone i care about”)

is the only option;

there’s always other options

even if they hurt or they’re hard or you’re sad

but i’m not sad, i’m afraid

and i’m hard pressed to change

so i’ll write a real love letter