you have no idea how much mud im eating

stole some guy's dog and drove off but then i realized i didnt even want this thing so i threw it out the window and it shattered like a vase

hey me and my partner saw you from across the bar we want to kill and eat you

the thing about piracy is that i know i deserve everything for free forever

god adoptables really are the funniest fucking thing the more i think about them. imagine youre so excited to get a character and draw them so good with all your ocs but someone else wins the bid and proceeds to only do shitty ms paint drawings of them smoking fat joints

i tried once and thorns of dark force materialized agonizingly around my wrist

having a body made of meat sucks ass

kill dorothy fuck the lion marry the tin man and i dont care about the other one

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

Im in trouble again for schlicking off on the clock which is total bull shit because its the only way i can find relief from my extreamly stressful as fuck job at donut tasting facility i think im gonna quit so i dont do nothing really bad to me its not worth the 6 figures when im stuck high key being under so much pressure for 2 hours striaght every single fcking tuesday and wensday it feels like i csnt be myself there because im to busy chewing eclares and shit

blew a .15 blood mana on the breathalyzer at a necromancy checkpoint and the guardsman demanded to search my carriage trunk for skeletons. needless to say i went for his crossbow