i think chris flemings is one of the only comedians thats going to get into heaven
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i think chris flemings is one of the only comedians thats going to get into heaven

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talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room
you can't get out that way!
that's not very helpful.
maybe the open window will help.
try the open window instead.
imagine this heat and you roll over in bed an there’s some cunt there next to you. bruv id be inconsolable
friend whos always planning everything: hey guys lets do something this week!! when are you all available?
friend whos always available: i can do whenever
friend whos constantly busy: im sorry i have work and then school and then the labyrinth and then more work :( i can do tuesday at 3:00 am for five minutes tho
friend with the randomly generated sleep schedule: (no response)
friend who went missing in the woods behind their house 12 years ago and hasn't been heard from since: (no response)
friend whos really into genshin impact: does anyone want to play genshin impact

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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uses my powerful magnetic field to create detailed images of your organs, skeletal system, and all the other soft tissues in your body
uses my powerful magnetic fields to create 69 love songs
You don't even need to study for the Rorschach test, btw, it's super easy. All they do is show you a bunch of stupid pictures of your dad getting eaten by a horse
Do not share the answers with your classmates.
Yes Dr Rorschach
Sorry Dr Rorschach
When I was a teenager I had a phase where I called soccer football because the rest of the world called it that but eventually my dad told me “You know, there’s a point where acting smart doesn’t make you smart and just makes you annoying. Refusing to use the word that everyone else around you uses doesn’t make you smarter than them.”
So anyways I call it soccer now.
Outdoor in sun perfec t place for president to do speech! Outdoor very warm very soft put old man on green lawn under sun. Put old man in warm sun. no problem ever in warm sun because good view and audience can see long speech. Nice podium outdoor sunny perfect place for old president can trust warm sun to give nice view to President good luck to President. friend sun.
Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

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Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you
So I just finished House
What. The fuck
- First guy in ancient Mesopotamia to do construction
sorry america but you’ve been really mean. and I don’t want to go to your birthday party in two days
so this post has blown up; turns out a lot of people feel the same way I do. If you're feeling conflicted or upset over 4th of July, I've compiled a list of educational resources and charities, both regarding US and international issues, which you can look into if you'd like. Issues here include humanitarian aid to Gaza, Ukraine, and the Caribbean, as well as reproductive, LGBT, BIPOC, and disability rights in the US.
woke up and saw people were reblogging this again. anyway, yeah. america is still being really mean and I do not want to go to its birthday party today
if you would like to spite the really mean people even more today, consider donating to raices con voz. they're a student-led organization in los angeles, who deliver food and essential supplies to immigrant families who can't leave their homes due to the ICE raids. More information about them here
EDIT: Had to fix the link! please reblog this version instead
another year of not wanting to go to america's birthday party in two days. because it's really mean. so we should help the people that america is being really mean to
in keeping with tradition, here is a link to unicef's fund for emergency health supplies and services for survivors of the venezuela earthquakes.
here is another link for manos in action, an organization that delivers supplies, such as food and childcare items, to latin american immigrants in central florida. I've participated in one of their local food drives; they're great. if you're not local to central florida, you can always donate money.
the other links are still available too, so feel free to check those out!
tumblr are you telling me something
Very well. I shall find them, and save this kingdom.
Ganalf...
it’s a beautiful day to check out a book from the library
its a beautiful day to return a book to the library unread after it auto renews 3 times
The library says thank you for boosting our circulation stats and the book will still be here later if you want it another time <3

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the human body when you use it and exist in it
i go on bluesky until the liberals piss me off, i go on tumblr until the communists piss me off, i go on twitter until the bitchy reactionary girls and gays piss me off
bluesky post: we need to stick it to the DICKtator in chief by funding my new ttrpg zine
tumblr post: sexual assault is only traumatic if you have a puritanical view of sex
twitter post: sorry if this isnt woke but the fat dolls are lowkey not serving