You Ever Drank Bailey's From A Shoe?

i love student housing. i’m in the common room waiting for a friend and there’s some dude crying on the couch w a bunch of his friends around him and i can only hear bits and pieces but someone asked him “who gets the minecraft server if you guys break up?” and he started crying harder and a 3rd person reached over to smack the guy who asked it on the back of the head

university is the best place on earth bc everyone has like 400 iq points but we’re all collectively only using 18 of them (7 on weekends but we have to share them)

Ew university students aren’t smarter than anyone ever at any point

bitch i’m fucking screaming

The person who first discovered that coconut could be eaten must have experienced depths of hunger many will never know.

They prolly just saw some other animal doin it my man

you mean like the coconut crab, which naturally feeds on coconuts by breaking htem open with large claws? 

The wait was so so worth it

This changed me as a person

Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, or back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they’re a wide-eyed mess.

fuck kinda subway are u going to?

Substitute teachers deal with so much shit

honestly I prefer dubbed anime but to each their own eggs I guess

never treated a submarine like that but i might

this is roasting so hard its borderline child abuse

The brain is just 8 lbs of meat that sits in complete darkness and plays a video game of what it thinks is the most realistic thing ever.

it’s 3lbs, not 8. also it’s not really meat, it’s mostly fat with some water and salt. You have a wad of soggy bacon inside your skull. And this blob of gross unprocessed jello somehow manages to run a complex biomechanical suit using less electricity than it takes to work a lightbulb. And people wonder why humans are so fucking weird and have odd experiences that aren’t actually real. I mean, if a bowl of tapioca pudding managed to hallucinate so vividly it invented calculus, it also going “dude, i heard a weird noise and i’m 100% sure it was the ghost of the neighbor’s cat which hasn’t actually died yet” would be just as expected as anything else.

Thanks, I hate it!

i should have acted out in school more none of the consequences mattered actually 

i hate airpods dude id rather be broke than have two lil tiny things to keep track of. “oh there’s like a carrier” muh muh muh like i’ll remember the carrier when im barreling out of my door with the bus coming in 2 minutes. an airpod falls out and falls into a storm drain. i fling my head around to watch it fall and the other one flies out into the street and my bus crushes it. i scream in agony and run up to it and the bus just barrels straight over me bc bus drivers in chicago have 3 kill allowances a year

i dont make the posts i just write em

i dont make the posts i just post em

*thinks of a post and my thoughts are beamed to kristen so they can post it*

*receives thoughts* the z in dragonball z stands for zexy

I’m convinced that some people have never been outside in the world

unfathomable

This is maybe the coolest thing I’ve ever reblogged.

She is beautiful!

You grow up and you realise A Bug’s Life was the revolutionary Leftist masterpiece of our childhoods

remember when pixar was like… this

This is extremely satisfying

I hope that whenever I’m in a creepy situation, I channel this woman.

To every woman reading this: May you get the same instant and instinctual courage and strength to do this if you need to and you don’t freeze up in fear 🙏

imma reblog this again for that ^ because holy shit

^^ omg yes

Reblog for 200 years of good luck

Take a lesson girls and boys.

I’m appalled that someone would do this then remember the times I’ve been groped and think… Yea, just as brazen.