đ¨ EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW đ¨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid peopleâs homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate âsecurity riskâ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of âthird country hubsâ for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EUâs inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but letâs do our best! Letâs speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
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â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
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đ¨ EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW đ¨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid peopleâs homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate âsecurity riskâ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of âthird country hubsâ for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EUâs inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but letâs do our best! Letâs speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
đ¨ EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW đ¨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid peopleâs homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate âsecurity riskâ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of âthird country hubsâ for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EUâs inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but letâs do our best! Letâs speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
đ¨ EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW đ¨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid peopleâs homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate âsecurity riskâ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of âthird country hubsâ for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EUâs inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but letâs do our best! Letâs speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
đ¨ EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW đ¨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid peopleâs homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate âsecurity riskâ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of âthird country hubsâ for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EUâs inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but letâs do our best! Letâs speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
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đ¨ EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW đ¨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid peopleâs homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate âsecurity riskâ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of âthird country hubsâ for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EUâs inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but letâs do our best! Letâs speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Recall uses AI features "to take images of your active screen every few seconds."
I think every computer user needs to read this because holy fucking shit this is fucking horrible.
So Windows has a new feature incoming called Recall where your computer will first, monitor everything you do with screenshots every couple of seconds and "process that" with an AI.
Hey, errrr, fuck no? This isn't merely because AI is really energy intensive to the point that it causes environmental damage. This is because it's basically surveilling what you are doing on your fucking desktop.
This AI is not going to be on your desktop, like all AI, it's going to be done on another server, "in the cloud" to be precise, so all those data and screenshot? They're going to go off to Microsoft. Microsoft are going to be monitoring what you do on your own computer.
Now of course Microsoft are going to be all "oooh, it's okay, we'll keep your data safe". They won't. Let me just remind you that evidence given over from Facebook has been used to prosecute a mother and daughter for an "illegal abortion", Microsoft will likely do the same.
And before someone goes "durrr, nuthin' to fear, nuthin to hide", let me remind you that you can be doing completely legal and righteous acts and still have the police on your arse. Are you an activist? Don't even need to be a hackivist, you can just be very vocal about something concerning and have the fucking police on your arse. They did this with environmental protesters in the UK. The culture war against transgender people looks likely to be heading in a direction wherein people looking for information on transgender people or help transitioning will be tracked down too. You have plenty to hide from the government, including your opinions and ideas.
Again, look into backing up your shit and switching to Linux Mint or Ubuntu to get away from Microsoft doing this shit.
Steps to Disable or Uninstall 'Recall' in Windows 11 24H2
there are multiple options here depending on how comfortable you are digging into your computer's registry. You can either simply disable it surface level through settings or excise it entirely from the system registry
reblogging again as a cautionary tale to please PLEASE fucking make a system restore point before you do anything. i consider myself tech savvy and still nearly bricked my computer. and make sure you know how to access safe mode
Adding this link here for further reference - when I should be forced to use Windows 11. A German article explaining how to disable it surface level: https://www.heise.de/tipps-tricks/Windows-11-Recall-deaktivieren-so-geht-s-10176728.html?hg=1&hgi=1&hgf=false
Reasons people may decline to comment or kudos on fanfiction they enjoyed:
They consider comments and kudos transactional compensation to the author, and they don't feel that the work was good enough to deserve compensation, or they don't believe they owe compensation to fan authors in general.
They consider comments and kudos as feedback, and they don't feel that the author wants or needs feedback from them.
However, comments and kudos aren't compensation, and they aren't even necessarily feedback either.
Comments and kudos for fan authors are:
encouragement to keep writing
reciprocation of a bid for connection
interaction with your community
confirmation that they're not the only one interested in their story
Please don't consider comments, or especially kudos, purely transactional or purely a form of feedback. Comments and kudos are a way to show authors in your community that you're glad they're there.
Authors aren't "entitled" to kudos or comments, but readers aren't "entitled" to fic, either.
Fanfiction is a community, and when an author repeatedly reaches out to their community for connection only to receive silence in return it is very discouraging and can result in the author withdrawing from the community altogether.
Friendly reminder that it was canon the Doctor was in love with Rose in episode six. Of season one. He's been down bad since the beginning. In fact, it was so obvious that a DALEK noticed. A dalek, without emotions or love of its own. Just saying. He loved her so much đĽšđđ
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Series: The Disco-Stick of Destiny (fifth instalment)
Summary:Â SOMEONE is defacing the pavements of Manchester with phallic, ahem, images. Hilarity ensues.
Notes:Â Er....hello? Been a while, hasn't it? RL has been an utter jerk and I haven't felt much like writing. I've had this idea swirling around in my head for a good couple of years, ever since I saw this article (and yes, it's real) about a man drawing penises around potholes to get the council to fix them. Of course, I immediately thought of Jack Harkness and finally, my recalcitrant muse decided to wake up and DO SOMETHING. And so I give you...this fic. I'm absolutely and terribly rusty, so apologies up front and hope you have a laugh anyway.
As always, thanks to @rose--nebula for the beta x. All mistakes are mine, and I'd like to take this opportunity at this AI riddled time to add that while DW and its characters belong to the BBC, this fic and my OCs belong to ME and are the product of my disease riddled brain.
Also on Ao3 I Teaspoon.
âUnbelievable- heâs at it again!â Doctor James McCrimmon growled.Â
âWho?â Rose asked absently, scrolling on her phone.
âJack bloody Harkness, thatâs who!â The Doctor flung his newspaper onto the table in disgust.
At that, Rose looked up. âWhatâd he do this time? And whyâs it in the paper?â Â
The Doctor scoffed. âTake a guess.â
She blinked in momentary confusion before her eyes grew wide. âYou donât meanâŚâ
âIf your guess is â drawing knobs around pavement potholes in Manchesterâ, you win and thanks for playing!âÂ
âButâŚ.why? Heâs been so good lately,â Rose groaned, seizing the paper and scanning it frantically. âHe hasnât defiled anything, or asked to see your pants, or my knickers or anything for at least a month!â
âAnd now we know why,â her husband growled. âHeâs off defiling pavements up North!â
âAre we sure itâs him, though? Was he caught, or⌠Not seeing names here, says itâs an anonymous manâŚ.â
âHow many people you know who go scrawling giant knobs on concrete, Rose?âÂ
âYeah, alright, but stillâŚwe should have proof, Doctor. If weâre goinâ to accuse him of this we need proof, cause he promised.â
âWho said anything about confronting him?â The Doctor folded his arms, only to deflate at Roseâs disbelieving look.
âAlright, fine,â he grumbled. âSâpose I might have a bit of a history of confronting him about his extracurricular activities.â
âYeah, and especially after the sky-writinâ incident.â Rose cocked her head and suddenly smirked. âBut I reckon you didnât mind that one too much.â
The Doctorâs expression softened. âCourse I donât- brought me right to you, didnât it?â
Unable to help herself, Rose leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, only to be caught by a strong grip as she went to draw back.
âSomething on your mind, Dr McCrimmon?â She grinned, tongue touching her teeth.
âYou know there is.âÂ
The blue eyes she loved so much burned intensely and moments later, Jack, the paper, and penis-covered potholes were all forgotten.
For the time-being.Â
**************
âI canât believe weâre stalkinâ him.â Rose shook her head, gazing out the window at the passing scenery. âNot how I pictured spending Tuesday evening.â
âSaid it yourself,â the Doctor muttered as he drove. âWe need proof. How else we going get it?â
âI thought weâd get the street camera footage from the Council or something! OrâŚ.or talk to neighbours about his height or whatever! Show his picture to nosy little old ladies and pretend heâs a long lost relative! Not dress in black and follow his car to bloody Manchester on a Tuesday night! In Donnaâs car, no less!â
âWell, heâs the one who chose Tuesday,â the Doctor pointed out, changing lanes to follow Jackâs car. âWeâre just following his lead. Makes sense that heâd choose a weeknight, though- fewer folks about, less likely to run into someone while heâs defiling the pavement. And as for the car- well, he knows ours on sight, doesnât he? Heâd make us out in a minute,â
Rose shook her head and gazed at the passing scenery. Theyâd been in the car for a good three and a half hours and this was the fifth time theyâd had this discussion. She couldnât believe that they were driving all the way to Manchester to catch Jack defacing potholes.
âBesides, weâre helping him,â the Doctor said. âWe catch him, he gets a lecture. If the police catch him, heâs facing fines, possible prison time and likely problems at work. And you know the Councilâs out for blood.â
Rose exhaled. âYeah,â she said finally. âI justâŚit feels wrong and I hate it.â
The Doctor glanced over at her for a moment before returning his attention to the road. âI know,â he said, hand clutching the gear stick. âBut what else can we do? Hide a camera in his car? Not much better, that. Might even be worse.â
âYeah, course itâs worse,â Rose sighed, rubbing at her forehead. ââS kind of annoying though. Heâs helping, in a way, seems a shame to stop âim.â At the Doctorâs incredulous glance, she shrugged. ââGetting all the holes filled, innit? Local councilâs left those giant holes for ages, no matter how many people write and complain about people falling and gettinâ hurt. And now as soon as he draws around one, pothole is filled the next day. Shame to put a stop to it.â
The Doctor snorted. âNever thought Iâd say it, but itâs true- his little artworks are getting those holes filled faster than you can say âFact Finding Mission to the Caribbean.â He sobered. âThatâs what Iâm worried about, Rose- heâs embarrassed the local Council and theyâve had to spend money they donât want to. Theyâll be steaming mad and if they catch him, theyâll throw the book at him to make an example.â
âYeah.â Rose shook her head. âItâs mad to think this is riskier for him than painting a giant knob and balls in the sky.â
The Doctor shrugged, veering around yet another lorry. âHe was commissioned by his superiors to make some sort of sky art, and he did. The whole knob thing was dismissed as a communication glitch. But this is takinâ on a local council and defacing their property to force them to do their job. You know theyâll be champing at the bit to get him for whatever they can.â
âTossers,â she muttered. He grunted in agreement and they drove in silence for a while before Jack signalled to turn off the highway ahead of them. The Doctor followed and before long, they were cruising through side streets, a few cars behind, as Jack seemed to take a leisurely tour through what seemed to be a council Estate. Finally, he came to a stop and parked. Slipping out, he made for the side of a building and hid, seemingly scoping out goings and comings. Clad in black as he was, he was entirely invisible against the side of the building.
âHere we go,â the Doctor muttered, driving a little further ahead and parking in a small side street. Moments later, they were behind a little building of their own a few shops down, watching and waiting.
Nothing happened.
Minutes passed and still Jack stayed behind his building, watching intently.
Half an hour into this silent vigil, Rose frowned. âDoctor,â she said quietly, âI donât think itâs him.â
âCourse itâs him- we saw his car and his face!â the Doctor whispered back.
âNo- I mean I think weâve got it wrong. I donât think heâs the one doing this.â
âWhatâs he doing here, then?âÂ
âI dunno but heâs been stood here for at least half an hour and not one person has entered this street for the last fifteen minutes. Why would he just stand there when he could be done and gone already?â
âCould be making sure,â the Doctor whispered doubtfully.
âYou donât believe that anymoreân I do,â Rose whispered.
The Doctor sighed. âIt doesnât seem to make any sense. But thenâŚ.whyâs he here?â
âHe looks like heâsâŚif I didnât know better Iâd say he was waiting- for something or someone.â
âBut who?â The Doctor shifted silently closer.
Rose opened her mouth to reply when a small black shadow made its way quietly and slowly down the street. âShhh! Somethingâs happening!â
Silently, they watched as the shadow was joined by another shadow, this one slightly faster as they made their way to a certain point in the road.
âWe need to get closer,â the Doctor whispered, clearly intrigued.
Rose nodded and, moving as silently as she could and sticking to the shadows, she slowly shuffled closer to the spot the two people were bent over. The Doctor was presumably close behind her, but she couldnât hear a sound- heâd always been a dab hand at stealth, likely the result of years as a combat medic.
Feeling the Doctorâs squeeze on her shoulder, she settled in to wait, having gone as far as they could without leaving the shadows.
The two shadows only a few metres away were whispering loudly and rustling about with what seemed to be a bag until at last, one of them switched on a torch and shone it at the ground, the other armed with what looked like a spray can, when-
âGOTCHA!âÂ
Jack suddenly appeared, armed with a torch of his own, which he shone at the two culprits, seizing one of them by the arm. âThought youâd get away with it, didnât you? Shame on you! Itâs practically theft of intellectual property!â
Roseâs jaw fell open. âOh my God!â She whispered in spite of herself.âHe came here to catch them!â
âAnd we came to catch him.â the Doctor said at a normal volume, evidently deciding that secrecy was pointless.
Jack and the two small figures turned towards them. âWhatâs that?â Jack called, shining his torch in their direction. âWhoâs there?â
Sighing, Rose turned to the Doctor and shrugged. âNothing for it now, I sâpose.â
âToo right,â the Doctor muttered, striding towards Jack, Rose close behind him. âWhat in the world are you doing, Harkness?â
âDoctor? That you?â Jack stared. âAnd Rosie? What are you doing here?â
âSame thing you are, I expect,â the Doctor shrugged. âCatching the culprits.â
âYeah but how did you know where- you followed me.â
Rose cringed. âYeahâŚâ
âYou thought it was me?â Jack looked both flattered and a little hurt. âI promised, you know.â
âYou also tend to find loopholes in just about any promise you make.â The Doctor folded his arms. âAustralia ring any bells?â
Jack grinned somewhat sheepishly. âWell, I guess thatâs true enough. But flattered as I am that you thought of me- nope, not me this time, my lovelies.â
âThen who is it?â Rose demanded. âIf itâs not you, who the hell is drawing a cock and balls around the pot holes?â
âGood question.â The Doctor peered at the dark, shadowy figures that seemed even smaller at close range. âWhoâve you got there?â
âThatâs the million dollar question, isnât it?â Jack turned to the figure he was clutching by the arm.âYou want to fess up or shall I do the grand reveal?â
The two figures turned to look at one another before sighing and removing their balaclavas to reveal an attractive elderly Black woman and âŚ
âGran?â Rose gaped.Â
âEvie?â Jackâs tone was utterly disbelieving.
âBlimey, didnât see that one coming,â the Doctor muttered.
****************
A few minutes later, they were all sitting at the strangerâs kitchen table, her home only a few minutes away and thereby agreed to be the most sensible rendezvous point.
Rose stared at her grandmother in shock.
âStop gaping, Rose, youâll catch flies.â
âAre you joking?â Rose demanded. âWe catch you in bloominâ Manchester about to spray paint aâŚÂ a meat and two veg around a pothole and thatâs all you have to say?â
The two elderly ladies blinked, as though they hadnât been caught about to spray paint male genitalia on the pavement.Â
The Doctor and Jack wisely said nothing.
âWhat would you like us to say?â the other woman asked.
âHow about explaining what my grandmother is doing hours from home defacing public property?â Rose stared. âAnd who are you and why were you helpinâ?â
âMind your tone, Rose dear,â Evie Prentice soothed. âNo need to get upset, thereâs a dear.â
âDonât even try it, gran,â Rose warned. âYou can start talkinâ to me or I can call mum and you can explain it to her.â
Jack whistled.
âBlimey, no parlay or anything- straight to the first volley,â the Doctor muttered.Â
 âIâm a grown woman, Rose McCrimmon, and I can go where I please.â Grandma Prentice folded her arms.
âThat you can but that doesnât typically mean you can also commit acts of public vandalism, Gran.â Rose exhaled. âThe Councilâs fuming and if you get caught theyâll dock your pension or worse.â
The two elderly women said nothing.
Rose took a deep breath and tried again. âGran, why? Please, just tell me why?â
Gran sighed. âWell it isnât exactly a secret, Rose dear, is it? The Councilâs ignored these potholes to the point that theyâve become a real menace. Someone has to do something! Jabe nearly broke her ankle last month!â
âGran,â Rose said patiently. âI know the potholes are bad but you donât live here. Why are you slinking about in the dark four hours from home to get potholes filled?â
âWell, Jabe lives here, for a start. Oh, weâve not had introductions, have we? Jabe Cheem, this is my granddaughter Rose McCrimmon and her husband Dr James McCrimmon. And this is Squadron Leader Jack Harkness.â
Jabeâs eyes grew wide. âThatâs him?â
Gran nodded.
âOh my,â Jabe blushed. âHeâs a looker, inâe? Could steal the air from your lungs, that one.â
The Doctor snorted. âHeâll steal the last of your sense if youâll let him. How do you know Harkness?â
âWell,â Jabe said. âI donât know him, of course. But Evieâs told me all about him of course, and his littleâŚ. art projects âŚâ
âBlimey,â the Doctor muttered, even as Jack beamed. âI think I see where this is going.â
âWell, after I tripped and nearly snapped my ankle clean in two, I called Evie and she said we should do something about it. And I told her Iâd written to the Council, along with half of Manchester, and no one had done a blind thing, the lazy sods.â
âAnd I said,â Gran broke in, âwell, if the usual methods arenât working, why donât we try something a little un usual?â
âAnd I said," What dâyou mean unusual?ââ Jabe continued, her grey and black hair gleaming in the kitchen lights. âAnd Evie said â man bits on a dry river bed unusual. If they wonât respond to a letter, theyâll respond to a parsnip and two turnips decorating the pothole, wonât they?ââ The older woman beamed, apparently not noticing two cringes and a delighted chortle at her choice of words. âAnd it worked, and itâs all thanks to you, Squadron Leader Harkness!â
âYou mean I inspired you?â Jack beamed. âAnd here I was thinking that I was coming to tell off some presumptuous copycat when here you are instead, following my method!â He wiped away a tear. âIâm so proud!â
âOh my god, donât encourage them!â Rose gaped in horror. âAside from the fact that Iâve spent far longer than I ever wanted to talking to my gran and her friend aboutâŚ.male partsâŚÂ theyâre going to get in trouble, if they keep this up! The Council will have you arrested and booked! Theyâre already on the bloody warpath!â
âWatch your language, Rose,â was all Gran said.
âAre you serious?â Rose stared. âYouâve been committing crimes in public where anyone can catch you, you have the Council after you- and Jabe, you LIVE here!-Â and youâre worried about my language?â
Gran patted her on the arm consolingly. âSometimes, Rose, a sacrifice is needed for the public good. If we get caught, we get caught, but weâre doing too much good to stop. If drawing Pythons of Passion-â
-âOh my God!â Rose choked and even the Doctor looked a little green.
Jack was practically preening.
â-forces the council to do their jobs, then thatâs what weâre doing until all the holes are fixed.â
âAnd what happens if you get caught? When youâre caught? What then?â Rose demanded. âTheyâll make a point of leaving every last pothole just to make a point. Theyâll be even worse about repairs for the next ten bloody years at least. And youâll either be fined or in prison. What good will it do then?â
Gran hesitated. âThat isnât very likely, is it?â
âWhat, a government body being vindictive sods?â The Doctor folded his arms, looking oddly naked without his usual leather jacket. The garment had - after much discussion- been left behind as âtoo loudâ for their stealthy activities. âItâs practically a given, that. And not hard to catch you- we did. And so did Jack.â
âThey have a point, ladies,â Jack said reluctantly. âThey do have a point, much as I hate to say it. Things could get very ugly if youâre caught.â
âWhat are you saying? We should just let it go?â Jabe demanded. âWe should just put up with it?â
âNot at all!â Jack hastened to assure them. âNot at all, my young padawans. No, we just need to be strategic about it.â
Gran blinked. âWhatâs a pandawand?â
âNever mind,â Jack waved his hand dismissively. âNot the point.â
âWhat is the point?â the Doctor broke in.
âThe point, my Delicious Doctor, is that the enticing Evie and the lovely Jabe have asked for help.â He winked. âAnd I never turn down a pretty face.â
The two older women blushed, ignoring the Doctorâs exasperated snort.
âAnd so, my dear ladies, you are in my hands.â Jack waggled his eyebrows. âWe can use the work youâve already done without having to risk you any further.â
Rose tuned out as Jack began rabbiting on about news networks and photogenic ladies and some sort of public shame campaign with the local residents using the media as their stalking horse.
Suddenly however, she jolted upright, clutching the Doctorâs hand.Â
âWhatâŚâ She swallowed, hoping to God she hadnât heard correctly. âWhat did you just say?â
âI said,â Jack declaimed grandly, âthat Evie and Jabeâs work has not been in vain, and we shall triumph! The Pee-Pee of Protest will prevail!â
Rose buried her face in the Doctorâs shoulder and groaned.
Series: The Disco-Stick of Destiny (fifth instalment)
Summary:Â SOMEONE is defacing the pavements of Manchester with phallic, ahem, images. Hilarity ensues.
Notes:Â Er....hello? Been a while, hasn't it? RL has been an utter jerk and I haven't felt much like writing. I've had this idea swirling around in my head for a good couple of years, ever since I saw this article (and yes, it's real) about a man drawing penises around potholes to get the council to fix them. Of course, I immediately thought of Jack Harkness and finally, my recalcitrant muse decided to wake up and DO SOMETHING. And so I give you...this fic. I'm absolutely and terribly rusty, so apologies up front and hope you have a laugh anyway.
As always, thanks to @rose--nebula for the beta x. All mistakes are mine, and I'd like to take this opportunity at this AI riddled time to add that while DW and its characters belong to the BBC, this fic and my OCs belong to ME and are the product of my disease riddled brain.
Also on Ao3 I Teaspoon.
âUnbelievable- heâs at it again!â Doctor James McCrimmon growled.Â
âWho?â Rose asked absently, scrolling on her phone.
âJack bloody Harkness, thatâs who!â The Doctor flung his newspaper onto the table in disgust.
At that, Rose looked up. âWhatâd he do this time? And whyâs it in the paper?â Â
The Doctor scoffed. âTake a guess.â
She blinked in momentary confusion before her eyes grew wide. âYou donât meanâŚâ
âIf your guess is â drawing knobs around pavement potholes in Manchesterâ, you win and thanks for playing!âÂ
âButâŚ.why? Heâs been so good lately,â Rose groaned, seizing the paper and scanning it frantically. âHe hasnât defiled anything, or asked to see your pants, or my knickers or anything for at least a month!â
âAnd now we know why,â her husband growled. âHeâs off defiling pavements up North!â
âAre we sure itâs him, though? Was he caught, or⌠Not seeing names here, says itâs an anonymous manâŚ.â
âHow many people you know who go scrawling giant knobs on concrete, Rose?âÂ
âYeah, alright, but stillâŚwe should have proof, Doctor. If weâre goinâ to accuse him of this we need proof, cause he promised.â
âWho said anything about confronting him?â The Doctor folded his arms, only to deflate at Roseâs disbelieving look.
âAlright, fine,â he grumbled. âSâpose I might have a bit of a history of confronting him about his extracurricular activities.â
âYeah, and especially after the sky-writinâ incident.â Rose cocked her head and suddenly smirked. âBut I reckon you didnât mind that one too much.â
The Doctorâs expression softened. âCourse I donât- brought me right to you, didnât it?â
Unable to help herself, Rose leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, only to be caught by a strong grip as she went to draw back.
âSomething on your mind, Dr McCrimmon?â She grinned, tongue touching her teeth.
âYou know there is.âÂ
The blue eyes she loved so much burned intensely and moments later, Jack, the paper, and penis-covered potholes were all forgotten.
For the time-being.Â
**************
âI canât believe weâre stalkinâ him.â Rose shook her head, gazing out the window at the passing scenery. âNot how I pictured spending Tuesday evening.â
âSaid it yourself,â the Doctor muttered as he drove. âWe need proof. How else we going get it?â
âI thought weâd get the street camera footage from the Council or something! OrâŚ.or talk to neighbours about his height or whatever! Show his picture to nosy little old ladies and pretend heâs a long lost relative! Not dress in black and follow his car to bloody Manchester on a Tuesday night! In Donnaâs car, no less!â
âWell, heâs the one who chose Tuesday,â the Doctor pointed out, changing lanes to follow Jackâs car. âWeâre just following his lead. Makes sense that heâd choose a weeknight, though- fewer folks about, less likely to run into someone while heâs defiling the pavement. And as for the car- well, he knows ours on sight, doesnât he? Heâd make us out in a minute,â
Rose shook her head and gazed at the passing scenery. Theyâd been in the car for a good three and a half hours and this was the fifth time theyâd had this discussion. She couldnât believe that they were driving all the way to Manchester to catch Jack defacing potholes.
âBesides, weâre helping him,â the Doctor said. âWe catch him, he gets a lecture. If the police catch him, heâs facing fines, possible prison time and likely problems at work. And you know the Councilâs out for blood.â
Rose exhaled. âYeah,â she said finally. âI justâŚit feels wrong and I hate it.â
The Doctor glanced over at her for a moment before returning his attention to the road. âI know,â he said, hand clutching the gear stick. âBut what else can we do? Hide a camera in his car? Not much better, that. Might even be worse.â
âYeah, course itâs worse,â Rose sighed, rubbing at her forehead. ââS kind of annoying though. Heâs helping, in a way, seems a shame to stop âim.â At the Doctorâs incredulous glance, she shrugged. ââGetting all the holes filled, innit? Local councilâs left those giant holes for ages, no matter how many people write and complain about people falling and gettinâ hurt. And now as soon as he draws around one, pothole is filled the next day. Shame to put a stop to it.â
The Doctor snorted. âNever thought Iâd say it, but itâs true- his little artworks are getting those holes filled faster than you can say âFact Finding Mission to the Caribbean.â He sobered. âThatâs what Iâm worried about, Rose- heâs embarrassed the local Council and theyâve had to spend money they donât want to. Theyâll be steaming mad and if they catch him, theyâll throw the book at him to make an example.â
âYeah.â Rose shook her head. âItâs mad to think this is riskier for him than painting a giant knob and balls in the sky.â
The Doctor shrugged, veering around yet another lorry. âHe was commissioned by his superiors to make some sort of sky art, and he did. The whole knob thing was dismissed as a communication glitch. But this is takinâ on a local council and defacing their property to force them to do their job. You know theyâll be champing at the bit to get him for whatever they can.â
âTossers,â she muttered. He grunted in agreement and they drove in silence for a while before Jack signalled to turn off the highway ahead of them. The Doctor followed and before long, they were cruising through side streets, a few cars behind, as Jack seemed to take a leisurely tour through what seemed to be a council Estate. Finally, he came to a stop and parked. Slipping out, he made for the side of a building and hid, seemingly scoping out goings and comings. Clad in black as he was, he was entirely invisible against the side of the building.
âHere we go,â the Doctor muttered, driving a little further ahead and parking in a small side street. Moments later, they were behind a little building of their own a few shops down, watching and waiting.
Nothing happened.
Minutes passed and still Jack stayed behind his building, watching intently.
Half an hour into this silent vigil, Rose frowned. âDoctor,â she said quietly, âI donât think itâs him.â
âCourse itâs him- we saw his car and his face!â the Doctor whispered back.
âNo- I mean I think weâve got it wrong. I donât think heâs the one doing this.â
âWhatâs he doing here, then?âÂ
âI dunno but heâs been stood here for at least half an hour and not one person has entered this street for the last fifteen minutes. Why would he just stand there when he could be done and gone already?â
âCould be making sure,â the Doctor whispered doubtfully.
âYou donât believe that anymoreân I do,â Rose whispered.
The Doctor sighed. âIt doesnât seem to make any sense. But thenâŚ.whyâs he here?â
âHe looks like heâsâŚif I didnât know better Iâd say he was waiting- for something or someone.â
âBut who?â The Doctor shifted silently closer.
Rose opened her mouth to reply when a small black shadow made its way quietly and slowly down the street. âShhh! Somethingâs happening!â
Silently, they watched as the shadow was joined by another shadow, this one slightly faster as they made their way to a certain point in the road.
âWe need to get closer,â the Doctor whispered, clearly intrigued.
Rose nodded and, moving as silently as she could and sticking to the shadows, she slowly shuffled closer to the spot the two people were bent over. The Doctor was presumably close behind her, but she couldnât hear a sound- heâd always been a dab hand at stealth, likely the result of years as a combat medic.
Feeling the Doctorâs squeeze on her shoulder, she settled in to wait, having gone as far as they could without leaving the shadows.
The two shadows only a few metres away were whispering loudly and rustling about with what seemed to be a bag until at last, one of them switched on a torch and shone it at the ground, the other armed with what looked like a spray can, when-
âGOTCHA!âÂ
Jack suddenly appeared, armed with a torch of his own, which he shone at the two culprits, seizing one of them by the arm. âThought youâd get away with it, didnât you? Shame on you! Itâs practically theft of intellectual property!â
Roseâs jaw fell open. âOh my God!â She whispered in spite of herself.âHe came here to catch them!â
âAnd we came to catch him.â the Doctor said at a normal volume, evidently deciding that secrecy was pointless.
Jack and the two small figures turned towards them. âWhatâs that?â Jack called, shining his torch in their direction. âWhoâs there?â
Sighing, Rose turned to the Doctor and shrugged. âNothing for it now, I sâpose.â
âToo right,â the Doctor muttered, striding towards Jack, Rose close behind him. âWhat in the world are you doing, Harkness?â
âDoctor? That you?â Jack stared. âAnd Rosie? What are you doing here?â
âSame thing you are, I expect,â the Doctor shrugged. âCatching the culprits.â
âYeah but how did you know where- you followed me.â
Rose cringed. âYeahâŚâ
âYou thought it was me?â Jack looked both flattered and a little hurt. âI promised, you know.â
âYou also tend to find loopholes in just about any promise you make.â The Doctor folded his arms. âAustralia ring any bells?â
Jack grinned somewhat sheepishly. âWell, I guess thatâs true enough. But flattered as I am that you thought of me- nope, not me this time, my lovelies.â
âThen who is it?â Rose demanded. âIf itâs not you, who the hell is drawing a cock and balls around the pot holes?â
âGood question.â The Doctor peered at the dark, shadowy figures that seemed even smaller at close range. âWhoâve you got there?â
âThatâs the million dollar question, isnât it?â Jack turned to the figure he was clutching by the arm.âYou want to fess up or shall I do the grand reveal?â
The two figures turned to look at one another before sighing and removing their balaclavas to reveal an attractive elderly Black woman and âŚ
âGran?â Rose gaped.Â
âEvie?â Jackâs tone was utterly disbelieving.
âBlimey, didnât see that one coming,â the Doctor muttered.
****************
A few minutes later, they were all sitting at the strangerâs kitchen table, her home only a few minutes away and thereby agreed to be the most sensible rendezvous point.
Rose stared at her grandmother in shock.
âStop gaping, Rose, youâll catch flies.â
âAre you joking?â Rose demanded. âWe catch you in bloominâ Manchester about to spray paint aâŚÂ a meat and two veg around a pothole and thatâs all you have to say?â
The two elderly ladies blinked, as though they hadnât been caught about to spray paint male genitalia on the pavement.Â
The Doctor and Jack wisely said nothing.
âWhat would you like us to say?â the other woman asked.
âHow about explaining what my grandmother is doing hours from home defacing public property?â Rose stared. âAnd who are you and why were you helpinâ?â
âMind your tone, Rose dear,â Evie Prentice soothed. âNo need to get upset, thereâs a dear.â
âDonât even try it, gran,â Rose warned. âYou can start talkinâ to me or I can call mum and you can explain it to her.â
Jack whistled.
âBlimey, no parlay or anything- straight to the first volley,â the Doctor muttered.Â
 âIâm a grown woman, Rose McCrimmon, and I can go where I please.â Grandma Prentice folded her arms.
âThat you can but that doesnât typically mean you can also commit acts of public vandalism, Gran.â Rose exhaled. âThe Councilâs fuming and if you get caught theyâll dock your pension or worse.â
The two elderly women said nothing.
Rose took a deep breath and tried again. âGran, why? Please, just tell me why?â
Gran sighed. âWell it isnât exactly a secret, Rose dear, is it? The Councilâs ignored these potholes to the point that theyâve become a real menace. Someone has to do something! Jabe nearly broke her ankle last month!â
âGran,â Rose said patiently. âI know the potholes are bad but you donât live here. Why are you slinking about in the dark four hours from home to get potholes filled?â
âWell, Jabe lives here, for a start. Oh, weâve not had introductions, have we? Jabe Cheem, this is my granddaughter Rose McCrimmon and her husband Dr James McCrimmon. And this is Squadron Leader Jack Harkness.â
Jabeâs eyes grew wide. âThatâs him?â
Gran nodded.
âOh my,â Jabe blushed. âHeâs a looker, inâe? Could steal the air from your lungs, that one.â
The Doctor snorted. âHeâll steal the last of your sense if youâll let him. How do you know Harkness?â
âWell,â Jabe said. âI donât know him, of course. But Evieâs told me all about him of course, and his littleâŚ. art projects âŚâ
âBlimey,â the Doctor muttered, even as Jack beamed. âI think I see where this is going.â
âWell, after I tripped and nearly snapped my ankle clean in two, I called Evie and she said we should do something about it. And I told her Iâd written to the Council, along with half of Manchester, and no one had done a blind thing, the lazy sods.â
âAnd I said,â Gran broke in, âwell, if the usual methods arenât working, why donât we try something a little un usual?â
âAnd I said," What dâyou mean unusual?ââ Jabe continued, her grey and black hair gleaming in the kitchen lights. âAnd Evie said â man bits on a dry river bed unusual. If they wonât respond to a letter, theyâll respond to a parsnip and two turnips decorating the pothole, wonât they?ââ The older woman beamed, apparently not noticing two cringes and a delighted chortle at her choice of words. âAnd it worked, and itâs all thanks to you, Squadron Leader Harkness!â
âYou mean I inspired you?â Jack beamed. âAnd here I was thinking that I was coming to tell off some presumptuous copycat when here you are instead, following my method!â He wiped away a tear. âIâm so proud!â
âOh my god, donât encourage them!â Rose gaped in horror. âAside from the fact that Iâve spent far longer than I ever wanted to talking to my gran and her friend aboutâŚ.male partsâŚÂ theyâre going to get in trouble, if they keep this up! The Council will have you arrested and booked! Theyâre already on the bloody warpath!â
âWatch your language, Rose,â was all Gran said.
âAre you serious?â Rose stared. âYouâve been committing crimes in public where anyone can catch you, you have the Council after you- and Jabe, you LIVE here!-Â and youâre worried about my language?â
Gran patted her on the arm consolingly. âSometimes, Rose, a sacrifice is needed for the public good. If we get caught, we get caught, but weâre doing too much good to stop. If drawing Pythons of Passion-â
-âOh my God!â Rose choked and even the Doctor looked a little green.
Jack was practically preening.
â-forces the council to do their jobs, then thatâs what weâre doing until all the holes are fixed.â
âAnd what happens if you get caught? When youâre caught? What then?â Rose demanded. âTheyâll make a point of leaving every last pothole just to make a point. Theyâll be even worse about repairs for the next ten bloody years at least. And youâll either be fined or in prison. What good will it do then?â
Gran hesitated. âThat isnât very likely, is it?â
âWhat, a government body being vindictive sods?â The Doctor folded his arms, looking oddly naked without his usual leather jacket. The garment had - after much discussion- been left behind as âtoo loudâ for their stealthy activities. âItâs practically a given, that. And not hard to catch you- we did. And so did Jack.â
âThey have a point, ladies,â Jack said reluctantly. âThey do have a point, much as I hate to say it. Things could get very ugly if youâre caught.â
âWhat are you saying? We should just let it go?â Jabe demanded. âWe should just put up with it?â
âNot at all!â Jack hastened to assure them. âNot at all, my young padawans. No, we just need to be strategic about it.â
Gran blinked. âWhatâs a pandawand?â
âNever mind,â Jack waved his hand dismissively. âNot the point.â
âWhat is the point?â the Doctor broke in.
âThe point, my Delicious Doctor, is that the enticing Evie and the lovely Jabe have asked for help.â He winked. âAnd I never turn down a pretty face.â
The two older women blushed, ignoring the Doctorâs exasperated snort.
âAnd so, my dear ladies, you are in my hands.â Jack waggled his eyebrows. âWe can use the work youâve already done without having to risk you any further.â
Rose tuned out as Jack began rabbiting on about news networks and photogenic ladies and some sort of public shame campaign with the local residents using the media as their stalking horse.
Suddenly however, she jolted upright, clutching the Doctorâs hand.Â
âWhatâŚâ She swallowed, hoping to God she hadnât heard correctly. âWhat did you just say?â
âI said,â Jack declaimed grandly, âthat Evie and Jabeâs work has not been in vain, and we shall triumph! The Pee-Pee of Protest will prevail!â
Rose buried her face in the Doctorâs shoulder and groaned.
