Addled Mongoose

(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)

So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,

and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing

but i also think:

“i write for myself, but i post for others.”

because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.

people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,

and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:

“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”

especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,

and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.

And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,

and then it’s like,

Anti-blackness in the indie scene is a serious issue and we should always call it out even if it seems like a "nothing-burger," but at the same time you should always uplift and support black indie creators regardless. Solely bringing them up when some popular indie creator gets called out for racism will only lead them to being forgotten when the controversy dims down and everyone moves on to something else.

Cover art by @and-his-hands-were-24-crows Thank you so much, Crows! Please show them some support by checking out their work on Instagram and ao3!

And a huge thank you to my beta harem, who have been with me on this journey for over a year now: @totheendtimes, @Nightshiftcaffeine, @ineffable-xenanigans, @nosferatini, @moderndayklutz, @Savyl and @TansyOggAdditional in story art by Demented_DeMeown, @avadoingart-imus and @divinitydemon

CW for this chapter: Genderfluid Crowley, changing pronouns for Crowley

Summary:

After long months of touring, Crowley finally comes home.

Aziraphale is waiting for him, and finally there is no audience to impress. Exhausted from the weight of performance and the burden of being who everyone expects him to be, Crowley makes a choice to set aside his armour and return to a shape he reserves for the person he trusts most.

In the safety of home, Crowley allows himself to be vulnerable, and Aziraphale responds as he always has: with unwavering love, acceptance and understanding.

Excerpt:

By the time the last flightcase was latched shut and loaded away, Crowley was vibrating with impatience.

He didn’t linger. He couldn’t.

Newt and Silvia talked about logistics: when the crew could be expected to return their equipment to them, hotel reservations, the sensible unwinding talk of a triumphant finale, but Crowley barely heard them. His goodbyes were abrupt, but still warm. He proudly squeezed Silvia’s shoulder, smiled at Newt, and promised to call after he’d rested and the ringing in his ears had stopped.

Then, he was gone, racing to the Bentley, shrugging his coat into place as he went.

London was awake and glittering behind him, but he didn’t look back.

The Bentley readily roared awake as if she’d been waiting for this exact moment.

Crowley drove as though he could outrun time, the streetlights blurring into molten lines of gold, the engine responding not just to pressure on the pedal but to want. The car would always take him where he intended to go. They cut through the night together, fast enough that thought and driver input fell away, leaving only instinct and yearning in its wake.

He should have been exhausted. Two months of performances, of crowds and noise. And then tonight, fully giving himself over to the audience, and all the emotional upheaval that involved. His body and soul ached with it, in a surprisingly cathartic way. But beneath the fatigue was a spark of excitement that wouldn’t be extinguished.

He was going home.

Read the rest here on ao3!

Want somewhere to discuss the chapter? Join The Braincell Discord

In memory, always, of Xenanigans.

Because I'm very adamant about spoilers, having quit tumblr for several weeks in the leadup to the finale to avoid spoilers, and not wanting to spoil people in return who may not have watched it yet - how long to we keep tagging things as spoilers? When does it become acceptable to just post things about the finale and assume everyone who sees them will be fine with it?

A month after? Two? A year?

You know what, let's make a poll.

I'd be curious about why, too, so let me know your thoughts!

I am begging the UK trans community and its allies to attend the Mass Lobby at Parliament on June 25th, 11am-4pm, organised by Trans Solidarity Alliance.

The new EHRC Code of Practice pushes trans people out of toilets, hospital wards, and community spaces. It normalises gender policing based on appearance and stereotypes. It becomes statutory guidance in the UK by the end of June.

Trans people are now legally their assigned gender at birth and must join gendered spaces accordingly, but if they are perceived as their lived gender, they can also be ejected from those spaces. The guidance says: either break the law, or don’t pass too well.

A mass lobby is where you invite your MP to discuss your concerns with you in-person. Ask your MP to:

Demand full parliamentary scrutiny, debate, and use their free vote on the EHRC Code of Practice.

Support any motions rejecting the EHRC guidance. As of June 4th, Labour MP Nadia Whittome has submitted a prayer motion - Early Day Motion 240, please ask your MP to sign this.

Write to Bridget Phillipson, the Minister for Women and Equalities about our concerns

Your MP does not have to be an ally, they do not have to respond to your email for you to show up and greencard them (details below the cut.) What matters is that as many people as possible show up.

I cannot stress this enough: Showing up in person matters. It is much more effective than petitions, emails, and letters.

It is a horrible, stressful time, and I am so sorry if you're trans and live in the UK. But I was at last year's mass lobby and the line for greencarding alone stretched around the back gates. It was a record breaking mass lobby and made us impossible to ignore. Let's do even better this time. Details under the cut:

Muriel faces Sandalphon. Crowley has a verbal standoff with Saraqael. It ends with a simple choice: Try to save Aziraphale or try save humanity? And really, Crowley’s answer was always gonna be-

Out of Time