no school ever prepared me for what would turn out to be my principal preoccupation as an adult: making sure i cook and eat all the food i bought before it goes bad

What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

you know back then there was some guy always recommending the polearm for duels like how people recommend linux today

Me & the other drivers were really impressed when you swerved around all of us at high speeds & got to the red light before anyone else

when moses returned from the mountain with the stone tablets with the 10 commandments and saw the people worshipping the golden calf

maybe whistleblowers just happen to come forward around the time they're about to die. no one ever considers that

wizard seeing a small crowd of people and their knees immediately buckle in sexual pleasure imagining how much damage a fireball would do

Can we get an ounce of fucking privacy

I mean they

oh so now they're saying you're "not allowed to get hard when you think about if refracting through a prism and splitting into discrete spectra would make a beam of light feel pain" anymore

cd has a hole. record has a hole. casette has 2 holes. streaming? zero holes. i think i’ve made my point

bought an item on etsy and the store shut down and disappeared the second i got the package in the mail. classic cursed object story but instead of a cursed object its a skyrim shirt