I can just let this run all day

I love the rain 

Yes, this is one that I inherited from @lucyjhale when she was downsizing from van life! 

One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”

The other day I asked for a table for two in my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and I cleared my throat and said “Sorry, still in service mode” and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like “You two just became two entirely different people in like .5 seconds…”

I can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer-from-hell while the store is empty, and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence. I even have managers and salespeople from other stores in the chain fooled into thinking I’m infinitely friendly and helpful, and my manager’s husband thinks I’m one of the most professional people in the store. One assistant manager’s daughter dubbed me Perky-Pants because she mostly dealt with me over the phone, and was shocked to the core when I dropped an F-bomb at her graduation picnic.

The acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale. My cousin freaked out when she came to see me at work because I was all smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking inane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their fucking hand but I was nice as pie until I turned around to walk away and my demeanor changed back to normal and I muttered “what a fucking moron” under my breath as I got back to my cousin. She just looked at me shocked and said “no wonder you’re so exhausted when you get home.” 

this is actually referred to as emotional labor in criminology, and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor

The art of bullshit is strong in the service industry 

My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn

This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))

Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.

When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”

something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”

today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”

I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”

I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”

I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T

This post is too good. I once tried to say have a nice day or have a good day to a customer and said ‘Have a nude gay!’. Still haven’t recovered.

OOC: i get really used to working nights or days at my work so i’m often jumbled between “have a nice night” and “have a good day” so often it comes out as “have a nice neigh” or “have a good date” or occasionally even “have a night die”

in first grade someone apologized to me and i responded by saying “you’re welcome” and i still haven’t recovered

I was mad at my friend Gabe and tried to call him a bitch, ended up calling him “babe”. It’s been four years and he still hasn’t let it go

My little sister tried to say “sneaky” and “secretive” at the same time and ended up saying “sneakrative”

One time my friend’s mom was driving us home and she tried to yell “Opossum! ” because one ran out into the road, but it got mixed up with “My God!” And came out “MUFASA!” She laughed so hard she had to pull over and my friend almost had an asthma attack.

Once I went to this restaurant my family and I had been going to since I was an infant,and I wanted to ask if my family had been going there since before I was born. Well,something got mixed up in my brain and I ended up turning to my mom and saying “Did you guys come here when I was still alive?” And my mom lost her damn mind.

In fourth grade I had to lead the pledge of allegiance and said “Amen” at the end and was so embarrassed!

I worked at a call center and one time I hung up to find all my coworkers staring at me. Apparently I told the caller “I love you” and didn’t even realize it

First big high school debate meet. Practicing in my head “I’m Melanie, this is my partner Cassidy. I’m Melanie, this is my partner Cassidy.” I get up there and go “I’m Cassidy….” and Cassidy goes “No you’re not”

one time i was trying to say “thank you bella” and for some reason it came out like “thank you belly” let me die in peace thank you very much

Once i answered the phone and in a perfectly nice amiable voice just said “one?”

At the coursing trial a few weeks ago, I meant to ask a friend if she could help me walk all three of my dogs so they would pee. Unfortunately, I got distracted halfway through asking her to help, so I ended up asking her, “can you help me potty?”

In fifth grade I was a safety patrol kid who helped the younger ones get in and out of their cars safely. One of the moms said by have a nice day to her kid and said thank you to me. Instead of responding like a normal person I said bye I love you too.

My friend and I were watching Breakfast At Tiffany’s and I got the sudden urge to sing Moon River soulfully at her. So I turned to her, looked into her eyes but then was distracted. So all she got was a very deep “Moon” followed by me wandering off

Combine your chinese zodiac and astrology sign to make your true fursona

i still hate this post so much. i’m an ox and a taurus. i’m a bull bull. i’m so fucking annoyed oh m y go d

Please, at least you’re not a virgin rat

COCKRAM