running away from a fine line

private: I talked to hudson recently and we were both upset. why did you do that to make me jealous? oh that's bull connor, you are good enough and you know that's not the issue. no one makes me laugh like you do and it's been that way since we met. why me though? aren't there other men out there that interest you? wait..you love me?

private: i wanted to see if it would make you jealous, but it was a mistake and i regret it. i don't like that i hurt hudson, and i don't like it if i hurt you either. connor should not be allowed to think with his dick, so. well, that's how i feel sometimes, that i'm not good enough. because you're kind, you're talented, you're funny, you're so smart, you're sexy as hell, and you just make me feel things i haven't felt before with anyone else. there isn't anyone, it's just you. i mean, people are interested in me, and i flirt, you know how i am, but all i want is you. and yeah? i thought i made that obvious, françois. you think i'd act this stupid over someone and not love them?

i've got a little confession to make. please don't hold it against me as i'm sure your fans will come after me if they find this out. here it goes... i haven't watched heated rivalry yet. i know, shame on me. i've just been so busy and haven't really been able to watch a lot and when i do have some free time, i like to spend it with some friends and family. but i got to ask, should i watch the show first or read the book before i do that? i will say that i have seen your SNL episode and it made me so happy to hear that you are now nominated for an Emmy. i'll be rooting for you for sure. @constcrries

wow, and here i was thinking we were going to have a beautiful friendship, and then you have to go and ruin it by saying you've not even watched my show. how can we be friends now? but no, really, it's okay, and girl i know you've got a busy life so i understand. and i think you should read the books first, i think the books are good and that you'll enjoy them, and it'll get you pumped more for the show. but you've seen my snl episode? that makes me feel good at least. and thank you, i was blown away when i heard i got nominated for the emmy, because so many amazing people could have been nominated and i thought they would over me. and thank you for saying you'll root for me, i know i'll likely not win because the category is stacked, but it's amazing just being nominated.

thank you! and please, i've seen that madonna video you did, your dancing is more than decent. but your a trained gymnast? i didn't know that! what's that like? are you upset that it aint my fault is stuck in your head? or is it a good thing? i did have a good time, lollapalooza is always such an amazing time. i'm mad you missed out too, it was really a good festival this year!

the fact that so many people have seen that madonna video is so crazy to me, and i was just being silly when i was doing it. and yeah, i am. i was in gymnastics when i was younger. it was fun, but i got teased a lot too. no, i'm not upset at all it's stuck in my head, i love that song so much, so it's a very good thing. i'm glad you had such a good time, and i guess i'll have to try and go next year. which means you'll have to go next year so i can see you! or i guess i could just go to whereever your next show is, if i'm not filming at the time.

I can't believe you're still holding that against me! You forget one sex scene and a guy won't let it go. To be fair, in my defense, you were behind me during the sex scene so I didn't see your face a whole lot and that's the excuse I'm going with. Don't be wounded though, I'll try my best to make it up to you. What if I fed you and took you out for drinks? You name the time and the place? I'll even come to you!

sex scenes with me should always be unforgettable, sarah. but you're not wrong, i was behind you, so i guess the fact that you didn't see my face a whole lot does make me feel a little better. plus, i had longer hair at the time too. since you're making it up to me, with food and drinks, i'm starting to already feel better about the whole situation. i'm in toronto right now filming, so anytime you want to drop by you're welcome.

I could never get tired of you, Papi. We have been getting papped a lot, noticed someone shared our location last night five seconds after they took a picture of us which isn't creepy at all. I'd never get sick of that handsome face of yours, which you should already know. But if you want space from me, going out this weekend without me won't hurt my feelings. Unless the offer to go with you is something you truly want? I'm not against helping each other get laid, laying each other, or taking someone to Paris, as you so eloquently put it, you dirty dog.

private: i'm sorry about last night. i know you're pissed at me and i deserve the anger, so i'm not going to make excuses. i should have been honest with you, and i'm sorry that i wasn't. i just want us to be okay, huddy, and i promise i'll make it up to you. also, thank you for listening to me, you could have told me to fuck off, but the fact that you were still there for me when i was upset about francois means a lot. but i'm still really sorry i hurt you, you know i love you, right? and hurting you is the last thing i'd truly want to do.

so i'm very much living under a rock or a bra, depending on who you ask, so i hadn't seen heated rivalry, and i just fully assumed it was in american because i've seen some of your interviews on tiktok in passing, and then your character opens his mouth and he’s just full-on russian?? wasn't expecting it. was fully into it. and now i have many questions that i will not be filtering. obviously you had a dialect coach, but was it hard? and i don't mean hard like the people in your comments who heard you do the accent because trust me i saw those comments and those people need water — i mean hard as in to approach and finesse because that's a whole different vocal identity to commit to. like i can barely commit to a coffee order, let alone an entire slavic phonetic system for two hours of screen time. genuinely impressive, and i'm a little jealous. / @constcrries

see, i love that you saw tiktoks of me first and were then thrown by ilya when you finally saw him on screen, that makes me beyond happy. but yeah, he's full on russian and while i'm filming, i stay in russian the whole time i'm on set because it's easier. but yeah, russian is one of the hardest languages to learn, but thankfully i'm really into languages and can process them easier than most. i don't know what it is, but i'm thankful that i can do it. season two is going to be wild, because i'm going to be speaking a lot more russian, so hopefully those thirsty people in the comments are prepared for that. though, do you speak any other languages? or have you ever had any desire to learn any other languages?

i'm just gonna start this off by saying, how does it feel to have a fanbase that goes so hard for heated rivalry ? i mean, with stranger things, i'll forever be so grateful, but it definitely had its ... cons, to say the least. but i guess i'll start this off by saying don't hate me, but i have yet to watch heated rivalry. but emphasis on yet because once i admitted it to my friends and family, mind you, you would've thought i told them i sold our family dog or maybe even something worse. the only person i'm willing to take criticism from is you, and i'm not sure how against you are watching something you're in : but consider this my invitation to have a day where we watch some episodes together, and of course, you'll get all of my unwarranted opinions. i'll even cover both our eyes during the sex scenes, i promise. / @constcrries

i feel a few different ways about our fanbase, because i love that they love us so much, but also they're kind of intense and scary at times too, so they make me a little worried from time to time. so yeah, i agree with the having it's cons, but i do feel blessed that so many people enjoyed the show as much as they have. okay, i thought we were going to have a great friendship, but the fact that you've not watched heated rivalry makes me think we won't now. okay i'm kidding, because i want to be friends with you, and it's okay that you've not watched yet, but i love that your friends and family are treating you like you've committed a crime for not watching it yet. i don't really have a problem with watching things i'm in, i tend to critique myself too much when i watch though, so i'll apologize for that now. and i want to hear all your opinions, and hey, i have zero shame so you don't need to cover my eyes for the sex scenes, though covering your eyes is okay since it might be awkward for our friendship if you see my whole ass as often as you do in the show.

private: not even a 'how are you' to start it off ? it's not about me being a dick connor and i've said that before. it's great that you asked him to hang out, is this all to make me jealous? you know some fans already think you two are dating. it isn't bullshit and it's not being stubborn. it's genuine caring, i'm in my 40s now. you should want to date a man or a woman your own age.

private: oh, i'm sorry, how are you? it is about being a dick, françois, because you told me how you felt about me, that you felt the same for me, and then yanked it away and was like but sorry, you're too young for me. is it making you jealous? though it probably isn't, since all you do is make me feel like i'm not good enough for you. i mean, he and i are sleeping together, so i guess dating wouldn't be a far stretch, but the fans don't need to know that. it is being stubborn though, because i'm 25, my brain has fully developed and i know what i want. you being in your 40's isn't a big deal. it's 16 years, who cares? i just know we could have something good, but it's whatever i guess. i'll just up my body count, since the person i love doesn't want me.