i don't chase, i attract

private: i genuinely thought it'd be a cold day in hell before i'd willingly try to make conversation with anyone in your family, but i guess gi's been both of our best friends long enough that i should at least attempt whatever this is. i'm not going to pretend it's going to go well. i'll probably be rolling my eyes within thirty seconds and silently judging myself for even bothering, but hi, how are you? and yes, that was a flat how are you, not an enthusiastic one. don't get excited. / @kennyjenncr

private: call me surprised as i did also think that hell would freeze over first before this would happen. is this you trying to be the bigger person and keep that good, nice girl persona you're portraying to the public going or something? gi can hang out with whoever she wants, but i guess for her sake, i could try and act civil with you. it's not so hard to fake things, is it?! no worries, not much excitement here. but i'm fine, just doing my thing. how are you?

my mom asked me the other day when the new series of the kardashians is coming out, like she's a full-on fly on the wall of your family, which is both iconic and slightly concerning for me as her daughter, but we'll unpack that later. anyway i googled it because i'm a supportive friend, and i saw that khloe's actually doing her own spin-off with her friends? which i love for her. i know there's been spin-offs in the past, but how are you feeling about this whole new generation of everything? because i need to know — do you want to take even more of a step back from that universe to focus on modelling, or are you secretly fuming that you won't be able to steal the camera's attention? because i would be. like if somebody told me there was a camera rolling somewhere and i wasn't in front of it i would take that personally. i do love my angles, and i have worked very hard on them, and i'm not above walking uninvited into someone else's spin-off just to serve a look in the background. so if khloe needs a tiny blonde cameo who contributes absolutely nothing to the plot but looks incredible doing it i'm available. / @kennyjenncr

tell your mom that i love her dedication to the show and my family. khloe is indeed doing her own spin-off with her friends which will be amazing, let me tell you that. you know, in all honesty, i don't really mind that the focus will be on her this time. i don't really like being in front of those cameras too much. i do my part and show up here and there and do the interviews, but i'm more still the type that likes to keep her personal life as private as possible so i don't need people see what what the inside of my house looks like. it's why you mostly see me at my sisters' houses or my mom's. you've worked hard on your angles? ever thought about maybe doing some modelling? then you can definitely put that to good use and i'm pretty sure that the camera will love you. i can run that by khloe. i think she might feel honoured to have you run around her house or show up for lunch or dinner. or we could make it a surprise and when i plan to meet up with her and she's bringing the cameras along, i'll say that i'm bringing a friend and then you can show up.

since i don't drink any longer and i've created my own beer company that's non-alcoholic, i've learned just how hard it is to get your foot into the door of any kind of beverage situation. and i know people take their beer pretty seriously, but i feel like they take their tequlia even more seriously, so i can't even imagine the hell you had to go through to get your foot into the door of the tequlia world. but 818 is doing good, yeah? and considered one of the best, so you're doing something right. have you ever thought of expanded into different alcohols? or are you happy to just stick with tequlia? | @kennyjenncr

that is still very impressive. how long have you been sober now? i've heard about bero and i know how popular it is too. and you did some great marketing with it by adding spiderman on the cans and that odyssey print. smart. i still have to try those shandies that you brought out. they just look delicious and then i can enjoy something fruity without having a big headache the day after. let me tell you, it wasn't easy at first but i'm glad that people are liking it so much. it also helps that we have this whole thing with it at coachella every year. i don't know. i think my calling might just be the tequila business.

so, you may or may not be forced to have some quality time with me and jack over the weekend, specifically because he saw a picture of you in my phone and now his favorite question of the week is ' where kenny ? '. and as easy as it could be for me to get his attention on anything else, i'm letting him have it because i actually think a night in with your two favorite people is painfully overdue. how does a bottle of wine, some apple juice for jack, and a good ol' marathon of the toy story movies sound to you ? i'm trying to raise him in a cultured household, obviously. / @kennyjenncr

i guess if i really have to... no but seriously, i would love that. you know i adore that little boy and you too, of course. jack is the only boy that is allowed to know my whereabouts all the time. it really is way overdue. guess our schedules have just been too busy to squeeze in some besties quality time. that sounds like the perfect way to spend the weekend. as long as you also keep a juice box aside for me. i still like them from time to time too. it's that little five year old inside me that wants to come out. obviously, and i think you're doing a great job. we should just hold a whole disney marathon.