Constant Sugar High

I said I didn’t know exactly, but sometimes people lost arms or legs through accidents or didn’t have them for other reasons.

My son instantly said, “Gobber (from How to Train Your Dragon) lost his arm AND his leg and now he has to use tools in their places!”

I kind of collected my jaw and said, “That’s right, and that man is just like Gobber. There’s a special word we use for those kinds of tools. It’s ‘prosthetics’.”

“Prosthetics,” said my son, with satisfaction, and on we went without any further discussion about it.

But then we got on the bus, and there was a young black woman with her hair pulled back in a big floofy afro ponytail, and my son, who has seen the trailers for the new Annie movie, said, in delight, “She has hair like Annie’s!”

Walmart hires vampires. This explains why it’s open 24 hours a day, why working there is often described as ‘soul-sucking’, and why there’s almost always no windows.

Most damningly, Walmart is one of the few stores that specifically hires a ‘greeter’ with no other job than to welcome every person into the store.