its all good.

we need an american girl doll that's driven mad by a beating heart under her floorboards

can someone hire me as a lighthouse keeper. my grip on reality is soooo stable and i will behave so normally under conditions of extreme isolation. and i promise i wont try to fuck the light

has anyone ever had sex before

no

crossfaded on apple slices and peanut butter

Fact is we all want what she has

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

this is literally all society needs to be

um hey i know you probably don't want to hear this but your boyfriend was bleeding and he looked really hurt and pathetic so i made out with him a little bit sorry. in my defence he was literally covered in blood and you left him unattended.

if breaking bad was set in 2022 they’d get arrested immediately bc jesse would get his BeReal notification whilst they were cooking

your boyfriend fell on the bong and we smoked him sorry. he was normal sized but we were patient and saw it through