Lesser of Two Weevils

I would NOT eat a Chikorita but I have enough sense to know that it should be served cold with a strawberry balsamic vinegarette and a sprinkle of feta

i rly like how many electronic devices you can turn off by holding the power button down. its very intuitive to kill a thing by choking it

phone somehow autocorrected "the joker" to "the worker." why so devoid of class consciousness, batman

*sniff sniff sniff* ah, i see. you are not an ant.

mind palace that was formerly a palace until the ruling family was killed mercilessly for its crimes. and now it's the thinking woman's socialist republic.

quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.

Well currently they’re in a tumblr post but I see your point

we're actually in a youtube video if this turns out to be funny enough

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

the current administration would totally fall for the Trojan horse. they'd take promo pictures of it on the white house lawn and the president would be on TV talking about how it's made of a big beautiful American lumber or some shit.

They just don’t release the hounds like they used to

in my day someone just let the dogs out. never did know who.

Captured elf warrior strapped to a breeding bench and told they're going to be fucked and bred until they give birth to enough orcs to balance out the number of orcs they've killed in battle ALWAYS such a good premise

If Joseph Campbell had any merit whatsoever and if he hadn’t been a coward, the orc breeding bench would be recognised for what it is: one of the fundamental steps in the Hero’s Journey.

How it feels to kiss my wife

i know thata right 👆