I just had a realization of how I’ve been constantly being in a state where I was really mad at many things recently. and surprisingly, having that realization knowing how mad I was helped me calm down a little bit, so now I’m able to talk through some of my thoughts about it. which, like all of my other recent thoughts, they just lead back to jason, really.
basically, I was really mad at some things in comics and some things that happened in the fandom. and this is not a thing that just happened recently, but it’s something that I’ve always had since the very start. something about the unfairness in it all. and I’m not just talking about the situation with jason in particular, but the overall unfairness that I’ve also seen that happened with other characters, whether if it wad steph, damian or duke. and it was really bad with Jason that it kept me in that state for a long time.
I’m mad at what happened with him in the story. I’m so mad at how the characters treat him. how dc treats him, the victim blaming, the way people talk about him, the labels, the mischaracterization? I’m fucking livid. and this happens everyday, not because I hold grudges, but because all of the stuffs that I just listed above also happened everyday. it’s a repetitive cycle.
I’m not an "angry person", but the thing is I was put in this position where when I want to interact with the fandom, I have to interact with this side of them, and it just means that I have to react with the situation that I was facing. I actually had moments where i just enjoyed myself and happy go lucky with the things, but I know that as long as I still engage in this fandom and know and read about all the stuff, I’ll feel mad again because the problems is still there, the unrighteousness is still there, the unfairness is still there, the mischaracterization is still there the victim blaming is still the people is still talking nothing seems like it's going to change in the near future. maybe not in the slightest. therefore there’s no way for me to get rid of this anger because it’s not possible at all. so no, you can’t just simply tell me to “stop being angry” and “get over it.” I have the right to be angry. and does that make me a bad person for being angry? I don’t think so.
thinking about how Jason and people like him was failed by the system, the unrighteousness of it all that has always been an constant aspect of his life that accompany him in his childhood. thinking about how he thought he forget about that after bruce adopted him, when he can go to school and learn and study and try so hard, when life seemed to be so bright and hopeful and meaningful. thinking about how he thought he forget but it was still there. not the anger. the unfairness. the broken system the people, the victim that left unavenged, because nothing ever changed since then. and nothing will ever change. thinking about how jason was forced into constantly facing the situations where he just have to react with that, where he ought to feel angry and neglected and betrayed. thinking about how he was placed in a position that required him to react to the situation, yet was expected not to react. thinking about how he was told to put his feelings aside and not letting them interrupt their crimefighting. thinking about how his emotions were fair and reasonable and valid yet was treated like some of his bad traits. thinking thinking about how jaybin must have looked at all the victim that the system had failed, suffering and dead and unavenged. thinking thinking about how all of his feelings added up to when he saw gloria… and then knew that garzonas was acquitted. thinking thinking about how he would feel when he came back from the dead, to know that the joker was still alive and nothing had ever changed and there was a new robin. thinking about it…
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