janie

Honey, I contoured the kids

honestly surprised no one has tried to make the ocean tiny

Too much water. Belly hurting

Keep drinking

Is it better or worse if I tell y'all that “Nüsse” means “nuts”

Dicke means Fat or Thick

this post only gets worse

super dickman’s thick nuts

Why am I laughing so hard

I know this is supposed to have deep meaning but someone PLEASE edit this into Loss

will someone please explain this to me immediately

im begging you watch the whole thing

*bartender slides my drink to me from across the bar and i fucking fling it back twice as hard*

new olympic sport: the contestants must sit on their legs until they fall asleep and then run down a flight of stairs

date of origin: 2013

bUT SEX ED IN SCHOOL WILL CORRUPT THE CHILDREN IT’S OKAY THEIR PARENTS WILL TELL THEM

Im the parent putting doctor pepper in my kids bottle

I don’t care who santa thinks he is.  if he flies over u.s. air space without a documented flight plan and sufficient clearance he WILL BE SHOT DOWN.