Unfortunately, I Exist

I'm just gonna post this comment here again.

"Gore is nsfw" Maybe not in the sense nsfw has kind of became shorthand for in some spaces (sexual content) but strictly speaking, yeah.

Senshi Dunmeshi 🤝 Samwise LOTR Cooking meals for loved ones

I've been exploring what both endings mean to me. You have the movie ending with Anaia leaving the rock sock, having her baby on her own, free from the cycle of abuse that settled in her family of origin without using more violence.

In the play, she goes back to her mom with mementos of the deceased (the man and Racine) then kills her with the rock, ending a cycle of abuse by perpetuating violence onto one of the violent figures in her life.

With the movie, I remember trying to pick my heart up from my toes after watching Racine be dragged into fire by the Man and realizing there's no Deus Ex Machina in this one. Anaia is running out there by herself. She's the only one and that's all. Everything in her life went up in flames, literally and figuratively, AGAIN. And this time she loses her twin. She loses her twin to try to kill a deadly father she hardly remembered because the mother she thought was dead sent these girls to die for her own revenge—a plan Anaia didn't even want to do in the first place. She's alone now. Everyone else have become ghosts to haunt her, but she's alone.

I remember watching Anaia put down the rock and not go back to her mom, wondering why? She deserves her piece too. She wronged you too. You should fight her, kill her for her wrongs to you. That's how this empty feeling of loss and grief can be resolved. Go cause pain to someone else, the one who hurt you. It's not satisfactory until the catharsis is reached after you're done with them all.

And then I peeped what emotions were being brought up and what my thoughts were saying.

Oh.

The notion of revenge is what's driving the movie. It's not JUST a revenge movie, but that's a theme. You did/didn't do this, say this, want this, so I must punish you for it. I must find a way to have my fill of schadenfreude. You will face the pain I feel. That's vindication.

While some points definitely seem to lean on "you'll be punished for being vengeful in the first place" as a way to distinguish who's good or bad, Is God Is does let the revenge happen. The girls do kill their dad (and the boys who got in their way in his defense). They even burned him as he did them. They did have a moment, even for a second, where they felt that cathartic release in that it's finally over.

But all in the same, with what little energy the Man might've had left, he grabs at one of the twins and takes Racine with him. His revenge for the twins ultimately defeating him.

And so, again, there's rage and grief and despair. There's no one to put that rage and grief and despair on—except Ruby the God, who sent the twins on this dangerous mission in the first place after being absent for the majority of their lives since the original fire. Back into the cycle we go.

Revenge IS the path Play!Anaia takes. Put that harm back on the perpetrator, let all your revenge out. Play!God didn't even think that Anaia was going to be the one to make it out; what an even bigger insult after having so many people be killed and having to have been attacked and beated and threatened and traumatized even further. Killing her mother is the way out of the cycle— the last act of victims turning against victims since God sending the twins out (or really when Racine would lash out at Anaia). It is cathartic to some degree. Anaia will forever live it that, and she will forever live alone anyway. She hadn't had her mother for the majority of her life, and because of one letter and an obligation to a distant Creator, she will never have her sister for the rest of it.

At the same time, the movie ending looks at a different path challenges that vindication. No, you don't get catharsis here. You might to a lesser capacity at another point, you might never get it. For this movie, you never get to act on your rage. The fire is out and what is done is done. Movie! Anaia has no car, no family, no twin sister. She's pregnant and thousands of miles away from home. Several people are dead. She took two lives and witnessed more when she was promised that she wouldn't have to take any but the one she and Racine were sent to take. She's exhausted—surviving hours of excruciating pain and hardly making it out herself. All of that at what cost? Really, at what cost?

I can see where the version of Anaia who decides it's not worth it to go back to God makes sense. Because why? God sentenced them to death. Why make it worth it to God when it meant little to Anaia for what she lost? Why pick up the pieces of tradegy as mementos to quench the rage of a dying woman who couldn't even make sure her name was spelled right? A woman covered in scars just like her own who thought it was better to hide and play dead than to be there for her kids who share those scars? Shelter her from abuse? We don't know if Movie!God ever even finds out if the twins were successful before she dies—her own vindication never validated. It's the least Anaia could do to hold her own against God's will.

Both endings have me looking at different kinds of freedom. Anaia killing God is just liberating as Anaia walking away from God. Either way, her family will never be the same, nor will the dead come back, nor will God live much longer. As certain as those facts are, it is also certain that the tragedies are over in this story. The Man is dead. Anaia raises her baby with love in the forefront and aims to give her a chance to flourish in ways Anaia couldn't. Anaia will have to flesh out her own identity and what makes each bit of it. Everything probably won't go well for so many reasons but there's hope there—and that matters.

"How is claiming they drowned a Hilux possibly underselling it" GREAT question.

To start with a little disclaimer, Top Gear's Hilux did not start off, as in the video above, in pristine condition. It started off with nigh-on 300k kms (for you yankees, that's about 8.4 million Boeing 737 wingspans) and a condition to match.

And it's only once careless driving around town yielded zilch in given shits...

(look, I found a local newspaper picturing it being driven around!)

...that they decided to drown it. Now, the underselling part: if you told me that they drowned a pickup the first place my mind would go to would be "driving it through a river a bit too deep for it, perhaps as deep as its height, until it stalls and then tugging it back out. You will concede that's rather different from tying it down on the seashore with the second highest tide in the world...

...and leaving it there until it engulfs the whole truck...

...only for the ropes to snap...

...and for the truck to be lost to the tides for FIVE HOURS.

(and for those wondering, yes, just as promised, well within an hour and the mandatory limits of basic tools and no spare parts, up the mechanic made the thing fire and away the presenter drove it - I must imagine doing a number on his clothes in the process.)

Oh also I would have mentioned the caravan.

Or at least the wrecking ball.

But hey, at least the fire was mentioned.

Still, I feel it's criminal to leave out how they celebrated it surviving all it did: by parking it at the top of a 23 story building for all to see! :)

Wait NO-

Well, that was uncalled for. Given what it survived, it deserved to rest in a museum instead of being unceremoniously cleared out with the other chunks of public housing that buried it.

Or at least, given that buried it wasn't...

...to be tumbled down from the rubble utop which it sat...

...and be fueled up.

"be fueled up", pfft, what for?, I hear you say. And you are right.

Look at that thing, you say.

Let's be serious now, however pretty of a story it would be that's not a truck that will do anything remotely in the ballpark of firing up, let alone running.

And again, you are right.

The battery was disconnected.

Sorted that, tho

"You can't be serious." Oh darling I sure can! "Well the presenters can't then" no no, I assure you, it lived. Go see it for yourself! It's at the National Motor Museum in Beaulieau, England!

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