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resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

save me, rice mixed with some bullshit

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

im going to fix my entire life

When?

Like Um. later

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

I'm following blogs that haven't posted in like eight years but I don't care I shall never unfollow them because I am a true and loyal knight #loyalknight

I have never, and will never, use "ofc" to mean "of fucking course". It literally stands for OF Course...

everyone is always fighting and hurting each other. i will put an end to this through conquest and subjugation

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

A standard porno with the bad acting and music and whatnot but partway through the action the camera pans to a millipede and hunting spider locked in a duel for survival, the sounds of sex fade out and the scene in the background blurs, epic battle music starts to play

if i were a beta in the omegaverse i'd be so mad watching my coworkers get paid heat/rut leave while i get nothing. it's like when your fuckass coworker gets to take a cigarette break mid-shift and come back smelling bad but instead they get to go home and fuck nasty for a week because they made the choice not to take suppressants meanwhile i have to stay in the office running spreadsheets with debra whose scent patches don't do anything to hide the smell of mothballs or the alpha from marketing she's cheating on her husband with