Human garbage

To secretly be in love with someone for years and to have them tell you they feel the same way... without you saying a word first, is like heaven opened up and showed you colors you didn’t know even existed. It felt like waking up and actually feeling alive for the first time ever in my life.

To finally be touched by the hands you have longed for and have electricity run through your body. It is intoxicating. I was walking around in a dream. A secret dream. The kind of secret that burns bridges and flips the world on its head. A love so off limits it ruins everything in its wake. Like a damn breaking and destroying life as you know it.

I have lived a life time in the span of weeks. Secret kisses and stolen moments. Hours alone in the woods at night, making love. I didn’t know it could feel like that, or two people could fit so perfectly together. Body, mind and spirit. He got me and I him.

As bridges burn, you tend to fall. In this case falling into pure love and simultaneously falling into hell. With a love so off limits there is bound to be fall out and fall it did. Life came apart and is hanging on by a thread. Forced to see him and never see him again. Forced To wait. But for what? What if it never comes? What if he is never truly mine...? Was never meant to be mine? My heart is screaming. Should I be thankful for that taste of heaven? Or should I chase my heaven and happiness? My mind is a mess with what if's and should haves.

To know it happened and how it felt is to exist in hell without that love and him. I would walk through fire and flames for those moments again and again. For him. For us.