#secretlover

Write Date: Winter 2019 

 Favorite Line: “Kissing under covers, dancing in the kitchen, secret places all around.” 

To secretly be in love with someone for years and to have them tell you they feel the same way... without you saying a word first, is like heaven opened up and showed you colors you didn’t know even existed. It felt like waking up and actually feeling alive for the first time ever in my life.

To finally be touched by the hands you have longed for and have electricity run through your body. It is intoxicating. I was walking around in a dream. A secret dream. The kind of secret that burns bridges and flips the world on its head. A love so off limits it ruins everything in its wake. Like a damn breaking and destroying life as you know it.

I have lived a life time in the span of weeks. Secret kisses and stolen moments. Hours alone in the woods at night, making love. I didn’t know it could feel like that, or two people could fit so perfectly together. Body, mind and spirit. He got me and I him.

As bridges burn, you tend to fall. In this case falling into pure love and simultaneously falling into hell. With a love so off limits there is bound to be fall out and fall it did. Life came apart and is hanging on by a thread. Forced to see him and never see him again. Forced To wait. But for what? What if it never comes? What if he is never truly mine...? Was never meant to be mine? My heart is screaming. Should I be thankful for that taste of heaven? Or should I chase my heaven and happiness? My mind is a mess with what if's and should haves.

To know it happened and how it felt is to exist in hell without that love and him. I would walk through fire and flames for those moments again and again. For him. For us.

I wrote this poem about my fantasy girl, Alice!

Click this link to hear me read it!

My secret lover, taught me to love her

So she could see me be better

And be with me forever

She thot the way I thought

Held me down when I fought

Killed my rep to death

And brought me back from the dead

I don’t do it for the money

I don’t do it for the fame

I did it and I do it because your love drive’s me insane 🐟

I couldn’t be more grateful

That you understand the sacrifice I made for you

You know what it is, and you did too

The difference is the cost

I’m speechless, at a loss

I knew you had a heart

But baby, you went so far

What happened to half way

There’s both respect we have to pay

I understand who the debtor

I’ll let you help, make it better

Still I couldn’t deny

That staircase in your mind

The blue sky in your eyes

You’re Soul’s energy devine

I’ve never felt so special or important

I adore you, I’m beholden

I’m just as scared as you

That’s how I know it’s worth a fortune

They may have took the crown

But who the mad hatter now

There’s tatoo’d e’s on celebrities, how

everything’s okay baby put the bat down

I brought a knife, I’m kidding, I’ll be nice

You can tell me what you want you know and i’ll manifest it in your mind

It’ll work, just give it time

Or did you forget, that you are mine!

Listen, you’re the best

You tried, there’s no regrets

Your mind’s eye can see the sex

And You deserve what’ll get

Revenge, the kind that wine

And keeps US up all night

The Ring, the love, that takes more lives

Oh baby, the problems you design

I never thought I’d know a love this deep

I never thought someone would love me and see

Through all of the things

That were so self-evident to me

You knew I liked the abuse

So I know you had to refuse

I bet it took everything for you to do

Thank you so much for your delicate roose

I promise, forever more, I will never falter

I will be pious to you and serve at your altar

Bring you love, wisdom, truth, culture

Always protect the love that you taught me to foster

My secret lover, taught me to love her

So she could see me be better

And be with me forever

She thot the way I thought

Held me down when I fought

Killed my rep to death

And brought me back from the dead

What kind of Family

Would look at what life handed me

See through the tragedy

And reach for Love and understanding

That’s something to live for,

That something to die for

That’s MY kind of tailor fitted riches

Yeah, I wanna be Adorned

I will never leave you alone,

I’m addicted now, you’re my drug, get me stoned

Listen baby, please, I wanna come home

I’ll be a good boy, behave, my mind blown

I know how you wake me up,

All sprung, Make’n jokes

You act like there's a trumpet every time the rooster crow

Here’s the same feeling that you gave me

I have a couple questions for when we meet

Do you like your nuts salted or salt free

And How long have you been thinking about the weed?

...or is that just me

What will you be drinking?

...your friend’s whiskey neat

Your favorite coffee, that dirty martini

That whiskey on ice, or cliche tea

I guess we’ll see

Hello everyone, this is my new story with Hvitserk (modern Hvitty :) )

Summary : The reader's best friend is Hvitserk Lothbrock. They have known each other since their childhood. She is a photographer, he is vice-president with his brothers in the company of their father, the great Ragnar Lothbrock. Her life is peaceful until the day she receives small attentions from a secret admirer. She doesn't know who he is and tries to find out with the help of her best friend... But is he really who he says he is?

Warnings : None

Words : 1297

Gif by @ivarsshieldmadien

Chapter 1 - The Letters :

Every morning at 8:00 a.m., you go to the Starbucks around the corner to get your morning drink - a macchiato sprinkled with cinnamon - before you start your workday at the studio. You've been a photographer for 2 years, but you first studied journalism. It didn't really suit you. So you turned your passion for photography into your profession.

That morning you are late, you hurry to get ready. For the hairstyle you make it simple; a simple ponytail and you forget make-up for today. You leave your building and go to Starbucks for your coffee - a day without coffee is a wasted day.

You check your backpack for your stuff, arrive in front of the studio, take the keys in your bag to open the door - where your best friend, Hvitserk, is waiting for you.

He is one of the sons of the great Ragnar Lothbrock who manages the whole city of Kattegat. He is tall, has light brown hair, and has beautiful green eyes. He is sweet and funny and sometimes a bit sulky. He is very popular with the female population of this city, but none of them are suitable for him.

"You're late, honey." Since your childhood, he likes to give you nicknames, but lately, he likes to call you honey. It doesn't bother you and above all, it doesn't seem abnormal to you because of all the Lothbrock sons you've always been close to him.

"Hello to you too, Hvitserk! Thank you for pointing that out to me... " you sigh with weariness because you hate being late.

Opening the door, you both go inside the studio where there are three rooms. The first one is the entrance where you expose the pictures and take the appointments. It's cozy. You have installed two armchairs and a small table and then your desk with your computer. The second room is the studio where you take the pictures. There are a lot of accessories there - toys, disguises, photo accessories, lamps to manage the lighting. And the third is the darkroom where you process the pictures.

Your best friend sits in one of the chairs while you light up the rooms one by one. When you come back to the entrance of the studio, you discover an envelope on the ground near the door, you didn't notice it before.

"Hvitty, is this yours? "you ask, looking puzzled.

"No, not at all. Maybe it's a bill or a note we owe you. Open it," replies Hvitserk.

On the envelope is only your first name written. You don't recognize the handwriting by the way. You open it and find these words:

"A day without seeing you is a morning without sunshine".

You blink in disbelief, think of it as a joke at first because you've been single for a few months - you've flirted with a few guys in bars, had a few one-night stands.

"So?  What's it all about?" Hvitserk gets impatient.

"It's a... poem... well... just a sentence... Take a look for yourself and tell me what you think." You hand the letter to Hvitserk. He reads the little words that are written on the paper and speaks. "It's... out of fashion to leave words under the doors of beautiful young women," he says sarcastically.

He gives you the paper back and then takes his smartphone to go back to his Instagram news feed.

"I think it's kind of romantic, but the weird thing is I'm not seeing anyone right now... So, who's the letter from?”

Hvitserk simply shrugs his shoulders and sticks to his phone, but you don't want to leave it at that, "Don't you want to help me find out who it's from? Hvitty?" You tilt your head to the side and give him a gentle glance, he can't resist your little baby face.

He sighs and then says, "Okay, I'll see what I can do," he smiles at you and then goes back to his previous activity on his phone. Björn, the eldest son of Lothbrock - and half-brother of Hvitserk - runs a security company, he knows everything that goes on in the small - or rather big - city of Kattegat.

Your first appointment is coming, Hvitserk signals you that he's leaving to let you work with your clients.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It's noon. You've booked your meal at the caterer right next to your studio and the chef calls you to tell you that your meal is ready.

You go out to get it, lock the door of your studio and go to your caterer. You enter the restaurant for just ten minutes to greet all the staff and pick up your lunch.

You come back to your studio, again there is a letter on the floor with your first name written on the front of the envelope. You open it and read these words:

"You are so beautiful today".

Clearly, you are starting to freak out because while you were away your famous secret admirer came back to give you a letter under the door and you didn't notice anything.

You text Hvitserk to tell him about this new event and to meet you at your apartment after work. You don't want to spend the evening alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At 6 p.m. you leave your job, cross the narrow streets of Kattegat, and finally arrive at your apartment. When you get inside, you can see that Hvitserk is already there - you gave him your spare keys and you have his in case of emergency and for convenience - sitting on your couch playing PS4.

You throw your sneakers in the hall, put your bag next to your wardrobe and sit down next to your friend. He pauses the game. "So your secret lover is back? " he says, turning to you and placing the controller on the coffee table.

"Yes, while I went to get my lunch from Noma's, I was only there for a few minutes." You take the letter from your pocket and give it to Hvitserk, and then you take it back, "Isn't that weird? The guy follows me, observes me... ".

"I don't think he means you any harm, he's just maybe... shy. Surely a text message would be more conventional. " Hvitserk says as he gets up to go into the kitchen. "I'm hungry, what do you want to eat tonight?”

"There's a guy following me and all you can think about is eating? Did you ask your brother for information?”

"Yes, but he didn't see anything on the city cameras...so you're going to have to wait and see who this guy is," he replies, pointing to your letter on the table.

You sink into your couch, pout, and then take the two letters in your hands to read them again.

"What about ordering, honey?" You come out of your thoughts after this question from Hvitserk.

"Yes, if you want. I don't feel like cooking tonight." You take your phone and you say, "I'm calling for a pizza, yeah?" you ask your friend, shaking your iPhone.

"Yes, pizza is perfect!" He comes back on the couch beside you, takes you in his arms to console you, and tells you the plans for the evening, "Pizza, Netflix, and a good night's sleep!”

"Will you sleepover, Hvitty?" you ask your friend, even though you already know his answer.

"Yes, of course, honey!" he says before kissing you on your forehead.

You put on some music while you wait for the pizza delivery guy, laugh while you watch Hvitserk moonwalk like Michael Jackson, and think how lucky you are to have him in your life. But this mysterious admirer comes back into your thoughts. Today it's letters and tomorrow... what will it be?

****************

Thanks for your reading !