Clearest Gold

He was probably right, too.

So… he would have shot Matilda Wormwood

Matilda had psychokinetic powers, she was def gonna start some shit.

I just want everyone to know my wife has been laughing at this post for like three full minutes, she’s literally in tears and in three years together I’ve never seen her laugh this hard????

my wife now

the zodiac is OUT the new personality test is which queer eye member you would immediately disappoint

my mom has finally understood the concept of how to use “tea” as slang, but only kind of. she came into my room and said “jessie, i have tea today” and i was obviously like what happened but as it turns out she just thinks tea means information so she told me that she got avocadoes on sale. that was the tea. 

poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

it was pneumonia.

yes, her pet scorpion pneumonia, who lived in her shoe. tragic.

he shot her point blank

listen no matter how depressed I am whenever this post shows up on my dash I fucking lose it I just laugh so hard, it’s such a good post. The way it’s presented? Soap on a sink nozzle, okay clearly this is some sort of handwashing appliance. Then there’s just water going everywhere no further explanation it’s so good I’m so happy