gun crews at the ready

To think, at the beginning of this year I was bawling in front of a foggy full-length mirror at a Korean Spa house, surrounded by stark white tile and women pouring basins of water over their naked bodies. Time passing is often discussed in a negative light, pertaining to aging and death and the fears that come with inevitable change. But I’ve found the undeniable fact that time passes to be one of the most consistent gifts of this earth. The surgery will be over and healing will ensue. The heartbreak will subside. Conditions will change, emotions are bound to settle, memories morph, tomorrow will come. I did a lot of that this year - letting time pass and just observing its elegance. Moving my body through space and time and focusing on this fact alone because it was the only blatant truth I could hold onto. Sometimes you’re just cargo. Time passes and I love her for it. The year closes up and I find myself stepping back and slowing down. Nearly every single time I complete a painting, and the last few moves I need to make are clear and solid, I find myself taking a pause. I sometimes stop my process entirely, lazily avoiding the piece for days before adding those easy final touches. I often wonder why I do this - Am I more energized by the tension found in earlier parts of the process? Does certainty bore me? Or is it just hard for me to say goodbye? The way I pause and back away from near-complete paintings is exactly how I feel today as 2019 sputters to a stop. I’ll spend the next two weeks closing portals and basking in the glory of becoming this present version of myself. Every phase offers a new way to step into your power. There is so much to come, and the elegance of time will bring it.

i just found a karaoke track for “no children” by the mountain goats. could you imagine being in a bar on like a saturday night and someone gets up to do karaoke and starts to sing That. i’d be like sir are you okay