Camila :’(

jesus christ i miss him so fucking much it hurts so fucking bad

there is something really wrong with me

i have literally everything i’ve ever wanted, my amazing boyfriend, my beautiful loving mom, my crazy funny friends, my beautiful dog, my fluffy ass chinchilla, my warm comfy bed, my love for success, my homey home, my fast car, my stable fun job, my perfect life, literally 100% perfect. i have nothing to complain about. but yet i cant find happiness within anything. i cant even be happy with myself because i dont even know who i am. i’ve lost myself so fast and i have slipped from my own hands. i cant find myself, i dont know who i am, and im struggling really hard to find myself. i used to be so happy and fullfilled with myself and now i cant even stand looking at myself in the mirror. i dont know who i have become and i dont even know what makes me me anymore. i dont know what i love anymore or what i am passionate about. i cant do anything with effort because i have none left. all i wanna do is lay in bed all day and be sad but thats not gunna get me where i want to be in life so i cant. i fake a smile everyday of my fucking life and i cant do it anymore. im done with not knowing shit and im done with not knowing me.