i want to be adored by you in a hundred years

got chased by a skeleton but when they caught me they just gave me a kiss and hug. turns out it was an xoskeleton.

I think I made this exact post before but every few months on social media someone will be like “OMGGGGGG I FOUND BONES BURIED IN MY CELLAR. I JUST CALLED THE COPS.” and the bones are so visibly (weathered) butchered cow bones or small animal bones. Not a single time is it a ‘they could be human…’ incident. Totally not the poster’s fault because I doubt the majority of people know human skeletal anatomy. Were people 120 years ago burying the remains of their barbecue rib dinner in the dirt floor of the cellar to freak people out in the future or something? No, but like, it seems like packing your walls and floors with trash was so common until like 30 years ago.

your salad is looking a little balanced there dude - your thoughtful selection of ingredients ensures no one flavour overpowers. fortunately i have some balsamic syrup right here,

Cardinal singing outside my window just fucked up his call and had to start over. Lmao

i really like that this got the attention it did because the idea of this little bird getting dragged for an inconsequential slip up in ways that he cannot begin to comprehend is really funny to me

however small you may think this dog could be, it is sooo much smaller

that is a spice-organizer-being-used-a-staircase level of small

girl who finally is going back to reading by finishing one book: now i'm going to read all the books in the world.

it’ll be fine I just have to be a shaking terrified animal about it

i'm sorry that's my fault i was walking along that stretch earlier and accidentally tripped and tangled them up and i couldn't get them untangled and i thought no one would notice i'm so sorry