cardboard dragons

A local shop posted this question. Your opponent starts the game with this in play but has no hand or library and will not attack. Can you craft a way to win the game? You can start with any life total, and can craft your draws however you see fit.

They have hexproof, you cannot attack, all of their enchantments have shroud, they have Eidolon of Rhetoric in play so you can only cast 1 spell per turn AND Erayo’s Essence so the first spell is countered anyway. Oh and all permanents enter tapped thanks to Frozen Æther and Back to Basics makes it so that non-basics like Cavern of Souls and Boseiju can’t untap.

I’ve been looking through cards for a while and I can’t come up with anything.

don’t do anything for a while, keep discarding to hand size, Unearth this

bounce everything, leaving them with empty board, the forecast this card

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

Jadelight Ranger will explore four times.

When you copy a triggered ability with Strionic Resonator, you copy the entire ability, not just part of it, and so copying Jadelight Ranger’s triggered ability gives you another two sequential explores.