alexander 🍀

yeah all my posts actually have hundreds of notes you just can't see them. people are laughing and calling me so funny and pretty and smart in the tags but you just cant see it. but it's happening i promise

maybe growing up is just becoming who you were at 14 again but learning how to love her this time

why do US patriots think they own "red white and blue" there's a lotta red white and blue flags out there. "i stand for the red white and blue" yass me too let's go costa rica 🇨🇷🇨🇷🇨🇷🇨🇷 let's go laos 🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦 fuck it up liberia 🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷 nepal get triangular with it 🇳🇵🇳🇵🇳🇵

bud this isn't from 10 years ago this is from almost 20 years ago

happy 19th anniversary to freecupholder.exe

HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY TO FREECUPHOLDER.EXE

i am so absolutely utterly scared that my insane grandfather in his 80s who runs miles every morning is going to leave me a bird in his will and i am especially scared he is going to leave me a large cockatoo named "captain hook". hook has been trying to make me his child bride since i was like 6 years old and every time i see him again which has only been a couple times with decades in between hook is like "you. it's always been you. ever since you were born i've known we were meant to be" captain hook you are a bird and i am a LESBIAN and i don't WANT an eternal sentinel captain HOOK!!!!!!!

WAS TOLD AT CHRISTMAS DINNER THAT THIS IS INDEED REAL, AND THAT I AM IN THE WILL TO RECIEVE THE BIRD!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER 👏 STOP 👏 BEINGSCARED 👏

I like when the bus stops directly in front of you out of the line of waiting people and opens its doors. Chosen by the dragon

I hate this post. Ever since I read it I can't help but think "chosen by the dragon" whenever the bus stops in front of me or "denied by the dragon" when it doesn't. Every. single. time. That's a minimum of ten times a week. Do you know how annoying that is

in the same way that really good friends will go to a wedding and then propose and have an ambush wedding on the spot, i intend to schedule my suicide for my friend’s wedding, but my plus one will be a pastor ready to administer my last rites with a crew on standby to bury me under the venue

going to spend the whole night talking about my big plans for the future and how i feel invincible and nothing can stop me so when i die unexpectedly and nastily everyone will know it is a murder and i will lock the doors so they know it had to have been One Of Them

One of the machines broke down at the hyperbole factory. The situation is frustrating, but ultimately manageable.

It just started working again! This is the best day ever!

purchase a barrel for 350-$400 and roll it into the movie theater #prank #barrelprank