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nateconnolly

These days, lots of public libraries have a "library of things" collection where you can check out kitchen appliances or yard tools or toys, and, as a children's library assistant, the most popular library of things item that I handle regularly is a plastic scepter thingy called like "unicorn princess magic wand". And whenever I check it out I make a big show of looking at the little kid and being like "do you solemnly swear to use your unicorn princess magic powers only for good and never for evil?"

And pretty much without fail, the little kid will get the world's most mischievous grin and go "I'm gonna use it for EVIL!!!"

#library

thankyoukittykitty

uwillneverknowwho

Hey. Stop for a second. Take this moment to appreciate that you don't have to write a paper right now. No one is asking you to write a paper. You don't have to think about the paper or plan your time around the paper. You have the freedom to think about whatever you want. Everything is going to be okay. At least you don't have to write a paper right now

chujellys

there's a family of local sandhill cranes that adopted an abandoned goose last summer and they're STILL together today even after migration.... i love them + they're local celebrities + nature is beautiful

chujellys

yesterday’s update… 📸 everyone is paparazzi when ur this famous…

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name

this psychic for the rest of his life all because he tried to hit on some dead guy's wife in an elevator

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name

Ghost Dad: WE LITERALLY CHANGED OUR VOWS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T LIKE "TILL DEATH DO US PART"

Psychic: he says you need a real man. a tangible one. a man visible to the average eye.

emil

"Peggle make phone calls" has become shorthand for "fuck it, whatever" for me but no one ever knows what im talkingabout and it's also longer (longhand?)

emil

peggle make phone calls

#saw this earlier and had to come back and find it bc i couldnt stop thinking of it

splatoonna

Day 6 - In a Pinch

#splatoon #splatoon raiders #im not sure what im thinking about this game yet but im somewhat excited to see how it goes #i just know im not the most into open world games #but i thought this was cute so i had to reblog you know

bearie

click and drag to take maisy car for a drive around your dashboard

bearie

if you are on mobile good news! you can just move your phone around and it is like you are driving maisy car around the real world!

allsortsoffuckedup

Hey hey, as a librarian, can I just say don’t pace yourself at the library. I get a lot of customers saying “oh I shouldn’t get too many books out at once” but like you should!!!! Max out your card, take everything we have on a subject you’re interested in, make a book fort in your home. We love that shit! It doesn’t matter if you read them or not; just take them for an adventure and bring them back whenever they’re due!

For public libraries, one of the ways we secure funding year to year is lending. Governments don’t want to fund more books if they’re not being used and the way we measure use is by issues. Regardless of whether you read it or not, whether you have it for a day or a month, if you issue it to your library card, we get the stats! It makes the library look good!

Help your local library; get books out even if you know you can’t read them all!

#library

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c-53

How do cats just manifest trash. You’ll vacuum your entire house and turn around and your cat will be running around with a kind of cardboard that didn’t exist until two seconds ago.

smalllfieldmouse

my ex used to get pissed off every time i showed them this video they would be like "that's not how a train works" really angrily and storm out of the room

smalllfieldmouse

everyones gotta stop reblogging this bro they're gonna find it and get so mad they try to strangle me again

mxmuffin

I love this gif. Me when I need my stool

#me when i need my stool

abandoned-quiche

* (Oh, these parentheses I keep opening?

* (I'm collecting them.

* (Right now, I'm 1,762 parentheses deep.

* (Oh, my precious parentheses... (I don't ever want to close them!

bloodied-dagger

* Oh, these parentheses I keep closing?)

* There’s some guy who keeps opening them.)

* Right now, they think they’re 1,762 parentheses deep…)

* But really? They’re all closed.) Thanks to me.)

muppethole-deactivated20240312

"capitalism breeds innovation" was only ever true in the mid-2000s when cell phones kept getting more and more fucked up

muppethole-deactivated20240312

^ healthy and diverse breeding practices

^ wild inbreeding in pursuit of uniformity and an arbitrary ideal of breed "purity" resulting in gross health complications

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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oldbutchdanielmolloy

it’s fuck all friday btw. you need to be doing fuck all

lolcatsaestheticdump

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