⭐Lance's Totally Awesome Blog💙

Lance grew up in a small town with a big, loving family, meaning there were a LOT of kids. Their town was really small but cozy. Everyone knew everyone, so one slip of the tongue and suddenly the whole town knew your business, and it wasn't always good things.

Lance's family was loud. Like, REALLY loud. There was almost never a quiet moment in their house. Someone was always arguing, laughing, or yelling across the house asking where their stuff went. Lance and his siblings fought all the time, but they'd also be the first ones to defend each other if someone else messed with them. Sometimes it felt like living with a bunch of best friends, and other times it felt like living with tiny enemies. His parents loved all of their children, and Lance knew that, but when there were THAT many kids running around, sometimes he didn't get as much attention as he'd like. Having such a big family meant Lance sometimes felt like he had to fight to be noticed. Otherwise, he'd just be another random person in the crowd. He loved his family more than anything, but with so many siblings, it was easy to feel like just another face in the crowd.

So Lance gave himself a title: the loud one, the funny guy. He became the kid who could make everyone laugh at the dinner table or make stupid jokes during family arguments. If he made everyone laugh, then everyone was looking at him. For a few seconds, he wasn't just one of a million kids. He was Lance. Lance thought that if he was someone everyone liked, he wouldn't be the guy nobody remembered. He'd be the guy everyone wanted to be friends with. If he made people laugh, then they'd want him around. If he was entertaining enough, then surely nobody would forget him.

But being the funny guy had its downsides, too. Everyone expected him to always be happy, even when he wasn't. If he was upset, he joked about it. If he was scared, he made a joke. If something hurt, he laughed it off. After a while, he got so used to hiding behind jokes that sometimes he wasn't even sure if he knew how to be serious anymore.

Also, with a big family, there were always ups and downs. And for Lance's family, they had more downs than ups. It didn't help that their son was bi. Lance grew up in a really Christian household, and ever since he was younger, he'd been told things like, "That's bad," or, "God won't like that." So when he started falling for a boy, he felt like telling his parents he was bi would mess everything up. He was scared that the moment he told them, he'd suddenly become a disappointment.

But the scariest part was telling his Grandma. He loved her with all his heart, but she was really homophobic, which made him scared to tell her something as simple as that. He spent a long time wondering if she'd still love him the same way after finding out. Eventually, after deciding that he wasn't going to care what everyone else thought and talking to his sister about it, Lance finally told his family. And it went REALLY well. His dad was still a little confused about what being bi really meant, but his mom was proud of him for telling them. His grandma, on the other hand, was not so happy. She said Lance had messed up her whole "life plan" for him. Apparently, he was supposed to marry some Cuban girl and have two kids. So the idea that he might marry some random guy one day made her mad and a little disappointed. But after his mom talked to her for a while and Lance gave her some space, she eventually caved in. She still wanted him to live on a farm when he was older so he could get his hot husband, though. So... I guess it's a win-win.

It wasn't perfect. Things weren't suddenly magically fixed overnight. But it was better than Lance expected. And, honestly, he thought that was the first time he realized that maybe he didn't have to be scared of being himself all the time.

But that wasn't the end of his drama. After all the family fights, Lance always needed someone to vent to, and that person was Keith. Keith was his best friend when they were younger and the first guy Lance ever fell in love with. They were always by each other's side. Some people even joked that they looked like brothers. Even though Keith was SO pale... They always laughed it off. Lance didn't even know why he'd looked at Keith in first grade and thought, "Yup. That's my friend. That sad, emo-looking kid."

They were WAY different from each other. Lance was outgoing, flirty, loud, and also super cute!! Keith was emo, quiet, never really wanted to hang out with other people, and... also kind of cute. Which Lance thought he was into, but, like, they didn't know. Keith was also one of the few people Lance didn't feel like he had to perform around. Lance could be loud around him. He could be annoying. He could say something stupid and Keith would just roll his eyes at him. And somehow, that was enough. Lance didn't have to make everyone laugh. He didn't have to be the most interesting person in the room. He could just be Lance.

After Keith and Lance had been friends for a while, Lance started developing feelings for him. He wanted to tell Keith SO badly, but he was terrified that telling him would ruin what they had. So, instead, he did what he always did. He covered his feelings with jokes and teasing. The more he liked Keith, the more he teased him. The more nervous he got, the louder he became. It was easier to annoy Keith than admit that every time Keith smiled at him, his brain completely stopped working.

But one day, Keith told Lance he liked him. Lance just stared at him before asking for some time alone. He liked Keith back. He really did. He was just shocked that this AMAZING guy actually liked him back. He was almost confused. Like... why would Keith like him? Lance had spent so long believing that he had to be funny or impressive for people to want him around. Keith was the one person Lance never thought he'd have to prove himself to, and now he was telling Lance that he actually liked him. Lance didn't know how to handle that.

But Lance asking for time made Keith think he'd rejected him. After that, Keith refused to talk to him for a long time, and Lance felt horrible about it. He wanted to explain. He wanted to tell Keith that he hadn't rejected him. But he was scared. And, for once, Lance didn't know how to joke his way out of something. So instead of fixing things, they drifted apart.

Eventually, Lance told himself that he wasn't going to focus on anything else. It was time to start focusing on school! Lance had wanted to be a pilot since he was younger, and he'd always had that dream in the back of his mind. Flying was different from everything else in his life. It was something that was his. Not his family's. Not something he had to compete with his siblings for. His.

The thought of being up in the sky and flying through the clouds sounded like the coolest thing ever. And, if he was being honest, he thought part of him liked the idea of being somewhere where nobody knew him. Somewhere he could start over. Somewhere he could prove that he wasn't just the loud kid from a small town. He could be a pilot. He could be someone important.

So Lance did what any normal person would do. He stayed up every night searching for the best schools for pilots. And eventually, he found THE GARRISON. It sounded nice and looked nice on paper. And HE GOT IN!!

Lance told his family, and they were so proud of him. They were also sad because he'd be so far away from home. They'd never had anything like this happen before, so it was a huge change for everyone. For once, Lance felt like everyone was looking at him. Not because he was the funny one. Not because he was the loud one. But because he had accomplished something. He had earned his place.

After saying his goodbyes, Lance left for school. He was SO happy... until he realized Keith was at his school, too.

Of course he was.

Lance tried talking to him and tried to fix the past, hoping they could become friends again. But it seemed like Keith wasn't willing to let him back in. So they stayed away from each other. And, honestly? It hurt more than Lance wanted to admit. But he wasn't going to let Keith see that. Because if he admitted that he missed Keith, he'd have to admit that he still cared. And if he admitted that he still cared, then he might have to admit that he still had feelings for him. And that was absolutely NOT happening.

But because Keith's friends were friends with Lance's, they eventually ended up in the same friend group. Which meant they had to interact. And, eventually, they started becoming friends again. But Lance was awkward and didn't want Keith to stop talking to him again, so he came up with the smartest solution ever.

They became RIVALS!

Wow.

So smart.

Being rivals gave them an excuse for why they were always arguing and teasing each other. It was easier to pretend they didn't actually like each other than to admit how much Lance cared. If they were rivals, then every time Lance wanted to talk to Keith, he could just call it a competition. If he wanted Keith's attention, he could annoy him. If he wanted to compliment him, he could make it sound like an insult. And if he started feeling something he wasn't ready to deal with...

Well, he could just make another joke.

But the closer Lance got to Keith again, the more he felt his old crush on him coming back. And he didn't want to ruin their bond again. So, just like before, Lance covered his feelings with lame jokes, teasing, and pretending that everything was completely normal.

Because if Keith and Lance were rivals, then Lance didn't have to admit that maybe...

Just maybe...

He still loved him.

And maybe, deep down, he was still that same kid from first grade who looked at a sad, emo-looking boy and thought:

"Yup.

That's my friend."

small notes!!

Emotional Masking-(Lance has been told "showing fear, sadness" is weakness, so he goes with Masking)