I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

Reblogging because it’s a damn potato and I want to encourage people to assume potatoes are magical.

w-what if potato is actually lucky

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

soy yooo tu ángel de la guarda holiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 bueno. en como seis meses, vas a morir de hambre. 🥺 y si no te protejo, me van a: #¡despedir! 🫢 y eso No esta Chido 🙅‍♀️jajaaa Entonces. 🙏investigue acerca del tema y resulta que: ¡puedo prevenir tu muerte al 100%! 😯 ¡Uh oh! 😆 Hay más que suficiente comida para que sobrevivas sin que interfieras con la supervivencia de los demás, ¡pero no puedes teneral! 🤨 ¿Queeeé? 🤷‍♀️ Al parecer, tu muerte fue premeditada por miles de cosas llamadas "accionistas." Y bueno. 🙏 empeze a matar personas,

c'est moooi ton ange gardien coucooou 😇 bon 🙏 alors. dans genre six mois, tu vas mourir de faim. 🥺 et si je te protège pas, je vais me faire: #virer ! 🫢 et ça c'est pas Pas Super 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Donc. 🙏 j'ai fait mes recherches sur les causes de famine et devine quoi: Ta mort est 100% évitable ! 😯 Oh-oh ! 😆 Il y a largement assez de ressources pour te nourrir sans interférer avec la survie d'autrui, mais tu n'y as pas accès ! 🤨 Quoooi ? 🤷‍♀️ Apparemment ta mort a été préméditée par des milliers de trucs appelées des "actionnaires". Du coup.🙏 j'ai tué pas mal de monde,

hiiiiii 😇 我是亲的守护小天使！okay🙏 嗯。您在差不多半年会饿死哈🥺 若我不能救您我会被#炒鱿鱼！🫢 那可不行哦🙅‍♀️ 哈哈。所以昵🙏我查了一下人类饿死的原因，然后发现：诶呀呀😯亲的死是可以避免哒！😆 这世上有足够食物给亲吃，一点儿也不需要影响别人的生存率哒！但不给亲！🤨 怎么会这样昵？ 🤷‍♀️ 原来，亲的死是被一帮叫“股东”的东西计算好滴！ 所以昵🙏 我杀了一些人，

y'all are doing some rosetta stone shit to me

Ich bin's, dein Schutzengel hiiii 😇 okay 🙏 also, in ungefähr 6 Monaten verhungerst du🥺 und wenn ich dich nicht beschütze, werde ich wohl #gefeuert 🫢 und das wäre nicht gut 🙅🏼‍♀️ hahaaa also. 🙏 Ich habe mich mit den Ursachen vom Verhungern auseinander gesetzt, und stellt sich raus: Dein Tod ist absolut abwendbar 😯 ohoh 😆 Es gibt mehr als genug Nahrung, um dich durchzufüttern, ohne dass das das Überleben andere beeinträchtigt, aber die kannst du leider nicht bekommen 🤨 hääää? 🤷🏼‍♀️So wie's scheint wurde dein Tod schon von tausenden Dingen namens "Anteilseigner" beschlossen. Also. 🙏 Ich hab angefangen Menschen zu töten,

դա ես եմ, ես քո պահապան հրեշտակն եմ, ողջույն, 😇 լավ 🙏, այնպես որ: Մոտ վեց ամսից սովից կմեռնես։ 🥺 եւ եթե ես քեզ չպաշտպանեմ, կստանամ. 🫢 եւ դա լավ չէ։ 🙅‍♀️ Ես 🙏 ուսումնասիրեցի սովի պատճառները, եւ պարզվում է. 😯 Հա՜հ։ 😆 Կա ավելի քան բավարար սնունդ ձեզ պահելու համար՝ առանց որեւէ մեկի գոյատեւմանը խանգարելու, բայց ձեզ թույլ չի տրվում ունենալ այն: 🤨 Ինչպե՞ս։ 🤷‍♀️ Ըստ երեւույթին, ձեր մահը կանխամտածված է հազարավոր բաների կողմից, որոնք կոչվում են «բաժնետերեր»: Այսպիսով: 🙏 Ես սպանում եմ մարդկանց,

jIH'e' 'angbogh Da QanwI'lI' jIH luq 😇🙏. qaSpu'DI' jav jar, ghungmo' bIHegh. 🥺 'ej qaQanbe'chugh, vaj vISuq: #fired! 🫢 vaj QaQbe 🙅 ♀️' ghu'vam. 🙏 ghungmo' meqmey vInuD, 'ej SIbI' HeghlIj toDlu'chu'! 😯 HIja'! 😆 DutaHmoHmeH yapbej Soj 'ej latlh taHtaHghach nISbe'lu', 'ach Daghaj net chaw'be'! 🤨 nuqjatlh? 🤷 ♀️ HeghlIj 'e' HeSlaw' SaD lang

niiii naiz zure aingeru guardako iiiiepa 😇 ongi🙏 ea. sei hilabete barru edo, goseak hilko zara. 🥺 eta ez bazaitut babesten, #kaleratu egingo naute! 🫢 ta hori Ez Dago Ongi 🙅‍♀️ karkaaar Beraz. 🙏 Goseak hiltzearen arrazoiak ikertu ditut, eta antza denez: Zure heriotza guztiz saihesgarria da! 😯 Hara! 😆 Beste inoren biziraupena oztopatu gabe bizi ahal izateko nahikoa janari dago, baina ez duzu hartzeko baimenik! 🤨 Zeeer? 🤷‍♀️ Antza denez, zure heriotza "akziodun" deitzen diren milaka izakik planifikatu dute. Beraz. 🙏 Jendea hiltzen ibili naiz,

dekho main aapke guardian angel hoon namasteeee 😇 theek 🙏 tohh. kuch chhe mahene mein, aap bhook se mar jao ge 🥺 aur if main aapke rakshe nahi karta, main ho jaungi: fired!! 🫢 aur woh bahut Achha Nahi Hai 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Toh. 🙏 Maine bhook se marne ki vajat shogh kari, aur yeh sun: Aapke marna pure navarey hai 😯 Arey ma! 😆 Aap ke liye kaafi se aur bhi khana hai kisi aur se lene ki bina, par aap le nahi sakte! 🤨 Ye kya baat hai? 🤷‍♀️ Sun ye, aapka marna hazaaron se cheezein se pehle se vichaarit hai, ye cheez hain "shareholders." Toh. 🙏 Mai logon ko thora hatya kari vi hoon,

あたしだよぉ〜♡ アンタの守護天使でぇ〜す☆ ハーイ😇 ってゆーかぁ🙏 アンタさぁ、あと半年くらいで餓死しちゃうんだケド〜🥺 でぇ、あたしがアンタのコト守んないと、あたしマジで【#クビ】決定じゃん!?🫢 そんなんアリエナクナイ?🙅‍♀️ ウケるんですケド〜 あははっ んでぇ🙏 餓死の原因チョー調べてみたらさぁ? アンタの死、フツーに防げんじゃん!?😯 ヤバッ!😆 ってか、アンタが生きてくのに十分すぎるくらい食べ物あんのに、他の人の邪魔もしないのに、アンタにはダメなんだってぇ!?🤨 意味わかんないんですケドぉ〜?🤷‍♀️ なんかぁ、アンタの死ってぇ、「株主」とかゆー何千もの連中にあらかじめ決められてるらしーよ?ってコトで🙏 あたしさぁ、ずっと人殺しまくってるワケ、

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

at some point in your life you will be bringing sugar and butter to boil for toffee and you will think “it hasn’t thickened enough.” that is the devil talking. the toffee needs to cool before it can set. this is how you end up with toffee that will annihilate your mouth. learn from this folly.