sup

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

Cats will just randomly fall asleep on you, they don't care

Lady in drive through had a bearded dragon sitting on her boobs and she held it up and let me pet it. killing myself canceled

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

would you like to share with the class 🤔

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

would you like to unshare with the class

Piracy is a “victimless crime”? Idk i was kinda hoping there would be a victim. I want the mouse dead

someone accused me of feigning a sexual attraction to spiders for clout. there's easier ways to get clout, man.....