Gender Goblin Vibes

it’s so wild that an employed adult who works for tumblr had such bad judgment that they went on instagram and thought it would be a good idea to share a direct link to an rpf tag where people post explicit omegaverse headcanons about real actual hockey players who have instagram accounts

ryan leonard please pierce your ear. the gay ear, if you’re taking requests

heartbreaking: this heated rivalry fic author has no idea how hockey works

warm up doesn't end with them starting the game....

it's alternate captain NOT assistant captain!

there is nothing in the world that a player could do to "break a goalpost" and they also can't "stomp on a puck and split it in half"

NHL teams are not sharing a tunnel!!!!

ILYA ROZANOV AND SHANE HOLLANDER ARE NOT GETTING SENT DOWN TO THE MINORS NO MATTER HOW GAY THEY ARE!!!!

i don't care that it's the all star game they are NOT UP BY SEVEN!!!!!!!!!

THE TEAM CAPTAINS DO NOT RUN PRACTICE THE COACHES DO!!!!!!!

There is no extended break around Christmas!!!!

ROOKIES ARE NOT MAKING "MORE MONEY THAN THEY EVER IMAGINED" BECAUSE 1) THEY DID NOT STUMBLE INTO THE NHL THEY HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS THEIR ENTIRE LIVES 2) ELCs START AT 750K A YEAR, THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY YES, BUT ALSO THAT IS AN IMAGINABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY, EVEN IF THEY GET A CHUNKY FIRST CONTRACT THAT IS STILL AN IMAGINABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY!!!!!

this is a canon nitpick not a how hockey works nitpick, but..... Shane won 2 cups with Montreal, Ilya won 1 cup with Boston, together they have three COMBINED cups, BUT neither Ilya NOR Shane are winning their INDIVIDUAL FOURTH CUP while on the centaurs (unless you've written them already winning a cup while on the cens) because 2+1=3 (Shane) and 1+1=2 (Ilya)

WAGs aren't making posters to hold up at the game.

defensemen are called defensemen because they are the skaters who defend the goal NOT because they are the skaters who take do the fights.

SHANE HOLLANDER AND ILYA ROZANOV DO NOT HAVE ROAD ROOMMATES AT THEIR BIG AGE!!!!!! THE NHLPA BARGANED THAT OUT OF EXISTENCE (except for players on ently level contracts) IN TWENTY FUCKING THIRTEEN!!!!!! this inaccuracy is unforch reinforced by the show and the book which has Ilya rooming with Connors and Shane rooming with Hayden long after their ELCs would've been done. HOWEVER I am choosing to believe that the book and show is NOT inaccurate, but simply that the NHLPA is somehow even more useless in the game changer universe than it is in our universe.

Players from opposing teams are not doing locker room media scrums together!!!!!!!!!!

Neither shane nor ilya nor scott nor troy not hayden nor ryan nor nor nor nor will ever ever and i mean EVERRRRR win SEVEN (7) STANLEY CUPS! That is not happening in this universe, or the game changer universe! that is not how the sport of hockey has worked in DECADES PLURAL!!!!! there are nine (9) players TOTAL who have won seven (7) Stanley cups and the last time any of those bitches won was..... NINETEEN SEVENTY NINE (1979)!!!!!!!!!!!!

weeknight hockey games typically start at 7pm and end at 9:30ish plus showering, media, and commute, Hayden Pike is getting home LONG after his children have gone to bed.

NHL TEAMS ARE NOT DRAFTING GUYS WHO ARE ONLY "OKAY" AT HOCKEY!!!! AND THEY ESPECIALLY AREN'T DOING IT WHEN THEY'RE FIVE FOOT SIX!!! (5'6)

a 6-2 win is neither breathtaking NOR record breaking. that's a normal ass blowout.

general managers are NOT coaches and VICE VERSA (troy ryan is an idiot and should not be looked to for inspiration) coaches don't make trades! and gms don't run practices!!! (NEITHER DO THE CAPTAINS!!!!!)

finding a secular french elementry school in MONTREAL QUEBEC is not a challenge.

12 year old boys know what boners are

defensemen don't take faceoffs

who up wasting their only shot at life through complete and utter inaction

official crab post

@crowsdontgotohell