because why the hell not

i mean this quite literally. he noticed i woke up early & im not feeding him so he keeps nibbling my fingers & biting my hand bc im ignoring him. like this tactic never works, but he keeps it up long enough that eventually my alarm goes off & he feels like he accomplished something

also i wanna clarify that i didnt put like, a filter on him to make him look evil or anything, its just the LED lights in my room. haters may say i caught him in a uniquely unfavorable light but i would never propagandize about something so important. we all must do what we can to fight misinformation

*feels my body get anxious for no reason* what is it boy, what do you see?

Rat detected. Make him jiggle.

Holy shit I assume everyone is doing an up and down jiggle and maybe a side to side jiggle but if you jiggle your phone forward and backwards he jiggles in and out, too

I’m watching Splash (1984) which is a romcom about a guy who falls in love with a mermaid, and when she chooses a human name she chooses Madison and guy says “that’s not a real name, but alright” which seems to imply that Madison was not a name until at least the 80’s and all girls named Madison are actually named after the mermaid. thought you should know

I went to school with a girl named Madison who was born in late 1984, which I guess means her parents were some real early adopter mermaid fuckers

wait fuck I forgot her twin sister's name was Ariel

i always click the "track package" button as soon as i get the email. "oh boy i wonder where my package is!" warehouse.