80’s mom meets 90’s toddler

have you or a loved one been diagnosed with asshole? you may be entitled

i forgot what i was saying mid sentence but this may actually be the best joke ive ever made

Tumblr culture is not knowing if this is from 2008 or earlier this week.

There is a small child in this cafe writhing and screaming with such violence and rage that they keep running out of breath and coughing. The source of her rage? Her mom asked her to eat a single grape.

Say what you will, Tumblr is the only platform that could seriously release their new “Blaze” function on 4/20 with themed prices

fucked up that theyre advertising ball shaving kits on a website where a lot of the users dont grow body hair and have purple eyes

can’t wait until people start claiming to be shadowbanned on this site and we collectively get to inform them that there’s no algorithm and their posts just suck

 i think it was cruel to give lightning mcqueen a foot fetish, as he lives in a world where all feet are wheels. he has nothing.

sorry i wasnt talking to you i think

“I wish ancient people preserved their writing and artifacts better” I write in electronic signals on a piece of hardware that can’t retain its efficacy for more than a few decades.

Time to laser-print my entire blog on titanium plates and bury them underground.

brb etching my one-star yelp review of the sheet metal supplier that sold us shitty copper on a granite slab

We are never going to give this guy a fucking break are we

Ea-nasir knows what he did.

yeah, he hoarded his hatemail for posterity

the bus should be free and airplane tickets should cost $10 max and tsa agents should apologize to everyone they talk to

gunnie “i used to have 0 phds” miggles-rashbax 🤝 ricky “i wasnt always a firefighter” matsui

listen im seeing a lot of people being like "oh my god thor might have a crush on Peter quill because of that scene in the new love and thunder trailer!" like no. Absolutely not. It's disney and it's never gonna happen. HOWEVER disney queerbaiting people with Chris Pratt might be the funniest thing they've ever done