Big Fat Homo

Honestly, not as much as I feared when I first received the diagnosis. To be fair, my A1C is not very high and I am able to manage it without insulin injections. I imagine if I had higher glucose, I would be experiencing much more severe symptoms.

Obviously one of the biggest changes is how I eat. I still enjoy sweets and carbs, but I have to enjoy them in smaller servings and I try to avoid them at night as best I can (cause fun fact, your glucose goes up when you sleep). I only have a few annoyances. Firstly, dry skin and frequently needing to pee, which go hand in hand. When you blood glucose is high, your body tries to flush some of it out, which means you pee more and constantly feel dehydrated. When I'm managing my diet well, these issues aren't quite so bad.

Fuck 😂 this is always the hardest thing for me to answer. UuuuuuuhhHHH instead here's a few of my top picks by genre!

Top-of-the-head Top 5's in no particular order:

Horror

1408

Hell House LLC

Autopsy of Jane Doe

Oculus

A Dark Song

Sci-Fi

The Thing

Gattaca

The Fifth Element

Starship Troopers

Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

Fantasy

Willow

The Never Ending Story

The Dark Crystal

The Wizard of Oz

Wicked (pt 1)

Action/Adventure

Escape From New York

Big Trouble in Little China

Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom

The Boondock Saints

The Goonies

Romance

Romancing the Stone

The Princess Bride

Sleepless in Seattle

Practical Magic

Overboard

Thriller/Mystery

Longlegs

Misery

Rear Window

Knives Out (all... I can't choose 💀)

A friend I met through Grommr said that he always has to remind himself to be polite around me because I look so squishable 🥰. And his partner, who I consider much larger than me, complimented me for being able to out eat him!

Not so much a direct comment, but my boss said/did something at our last holiday party that had me all kinds of flustered. She told a story about how one of our clients was super mean to our sales guy, and at one of their business dinners she started shoving all the plates of remaining food towards him saying stuff like "Here, big guy". Later in the night, I asked how her meal was, commenting that her entree was one I'd considered ordering. She still had half the plate left and said she was full if I wanted the rest. I declined, not wanting to take her leftovers - and then she shoved it towards me and said "Here, big guy!" 😵‍💫

Other than that, I haven't had many recent comments. I remember my grandma hugging me when I first started filling out, she pulled away while squeezing my shoulders and said "You're really packing it on, aren't you?" and it actually sounded kind of endearing??

New messy stuffing video on OnlyFats 💙

It's crazy how much fatter my face looks with just a little trim 😂

Thank you so much 😭💙💙🫂 It's been so hard to get back to a place where I could find pleasure in things. Everything is far from perfect, but it's getting better with every day I choose to move forward. I'm hopeful IPO will help - in just the few days since I started my leave, I've discovered a lot about how I've been feeling and where those feelings take root.

(CW: Mental Health, S/Ideation, Therapy)

Thank you again to everyone that took the time to read and share my previous post, and the biggest friggin bear hugs to those who were able to donate during what has been a very rough time in my life.

To be honest, I feel like I've had my head under water since the holidays, and finally breached the surface to find that March had come and gone. Without going into everything that's happened (because there's honestly just too much and this post is long enough already); I have had *so much* random misfortune since Dec and simultaneously have been under *so much* stress at work, that by the time my piece of shit roommate left us out to dry, I really wanted to end it. I couldn't and wouldn't, I love my husband and kitties too much. But I was having a hard time finding a reason to go on for myself. We were facing impending homelessness and I felt helpless to change it. I went to bed most nights hoping I just wouldn't wake up, because at least then my husband would have my life insurance to take care of him. And when I asked for a single day off to deal with everything that was happening, my boss called and screamed at me until I was sobbing for daring to ask.

I want to assuage any worry - we have a new roommate, I borrowed against my 401k and paid off a ton of my debt, and as of this week, I’m on medical leave to attend an Intensive Outpatient Program for mental health. Things aren't perfect, but I'm taking the steps I need to get to a better place.