Celestial_Buttplug

"tumblr's the only social media without algorithms!" "you can still be anonymous on tumblr!" "tumblr's so nice because you don't have to show your face!" WRONG tumblr is special because you can have 3000 followers and still get an average of seven likes a post. i'm doing stand up comedy at a packed venue and one person is laughing

i'm so pro-divorce that i forget myself sometimes. a guy on the elevator was telling me unprompted about how he got divorced on friday and apparently "nice congrats" was not the correct reaction

Let's do it the old fashioned way. Spread it far and wide.

Reminder: you can't be the whole wall against stopping fascism by yourself. Nobody can. But you damn sure can be a brick.

Driving my girl to work on our tandem bicycle. Takes me 15 minutes to drop her off and 45 minutes to get back home

This stupid joke was so funny to me I tried to translate it into Korean to tell my family and when none of them laughed I was like "Oh my translation must not have been very good" and I tried rewording it like 90 times before my mom was like "No, no. The problem isn't lack of understanding"

letting my wife kill me during sex does not make me a bottom or a sub. it simply means i love my wife