“... left, to make their own way on the night shore.” - (x)

i love being 31 so much. if 21 year old me had known how good 31 year old me would have it … she’d be so happy.

i’ve never had a “bad” or toxic romantic relationship but that’s partially due to the fact that i’ve always avoided *emotionally intimate* romantic relationships out of fear that they would end up resembling the dynamic that my mother and father had. which meant that i’ve occupied my time with a string of men and women that were very fun/interesting/mutually beneficial, but who i always kept at arm’s length. given this + my history and issues, it’s insane to me that The World matched me up with someone who, despite having their own trauma, is so insanely emotionally regulated and committed to keeping me emotionally/physically/sexually safe - to the degree that he’ll notice details or potential sticking points before i do. someone who has made my life so much easier, in very concrete and material ways, while being very firm that “you owe me nothing, i want to make your life easier” and - in the over 2 years that we’ve been dating - has never gone back on a single promise that they’ve made to me. also they’re a service top.