Torchwood-99

As far as she knows, he got to Erid and died shortly after.

So to see MANY years later as she's a very old woman on her death bed, a lone newly built beetle arrive, made of the same xenonite her Grace figurine is made of that has sat on her bedside table ever since it arrived in the original beetles. To see a video file inside of Grace, scarred, stick thin, hunched through the heavy gravity, missing teeth from his scurvy...and with the biggest, happiest grin on his face as he tells her about his life on Erid.

She thought she'd found peace before when she watched those original video files, Grace smiling that she was right, and that all her emotional sacrifice to get the job done to get him out there was worth it because the Earth was saved...yeah, no. It was peace now. That toothy, excitable grin, that worn and threadbare fox cardigan, those stupid glasses still hanging off his face...alive.

Out there, living his best life, and alive.

Spin the wheel again. That’s who’s trying to protect you.

(If you have zero idea about a name you got, spin until you see someone you recognize.)

Yes, she called Feyre stinky and a half-wild beast, but that's tame compared to how siblings talk to each other, especially those living in dysfunctional families. My brother and I have said far worse to each other than that, and we get along far better than Nesta and Feyre. If that's verbal abuse, then all siblings are abusers.

And yes, Nesta called Cassian a low-born bastard two times in the Wings and Embers bonus chapter, but Cassian has called himself a low-born bastard far more often than Nesta has. Cassian calls other people a bastard all the time, but it's not verbal abuse when he does it? Amren has called Cassian far worse things than Nesta has.

Amren: “You have become a pathetic waste of life”- Acosf page 339

Nesta who only felt relief when her abusive grandmother died and being free of her training. Years later having to deal with another older woman trying to train her and constantly verbally degrading her.

Like… Lucien had a personality and backstory before half the cast entered the chat. Before RHYS even made his first appearance on page.

Pendant

c. 1860

Enamelled gold, set with almandine garnet

England

so sjm is gonna write this paragraph. and then have nesta end up in an environment where her life is under constant control. end up around people who do nothing but control her. end up with a man who feels more than comfortable controlling her.

she doesn’t have a job. she doesn’t get paid. sjm never gave her financial independence even though i (personally) believe it’s one of the MOST important things nesta needed in her life. she’s been controlled through finances her entire life. she’s depended on others for finances her entire life. you’re telling me she’s just okay with depending on c*ssian for it now? i just don’t understand how silver flames was a book dedicated to healing and nesta finding herself. i really don’t.

she can’t even leave her house easily? she needs to either ask someone to get her out or TAKE 10,000 STEPS! how does nesta not despise living there. how does she not despise having her weapons taken from her and controlled by others. how does she not despise waking up every morning to train just because c*ssian told her to! when she was literally threatened into it!

Feyre says earlier in the series that Nesta seems uncaring but she thinks it’s a mask to hide the fact that Nesta cares more deeply than most. SF is where we see that idea play out. When Feyre confronts her about her behavior earlier in the series, Nesta points out that there’s no reason for her to change because she’s always been able to manipulate others into doing what she needs them to do.

There’s some romantic tension between Nesta and Cassian from the moment they meet, but Nesta doesn’t know how to handle genuinely liking someone. She was raised by her mother to look at relationships as a business transaction, and she was SA in the human world when she attempted to marry for safety. After she’s in Velaris, she starts taking people home for casual sex—because she’s terrified. She’s terrified of being assaulted, she’s terrified of falling in love and finding pleasure, she’s terrified of changing. Her random hookups are a coping mechanism for her unresolved romantic trauma. If she chooses her partners and throws them away, it means she has power over them. It also helps her feel less terrified of intimacy—which she craves, given her favorite genre for reading. Her “healing arc” with Cassian is about Nesta allowing herself to choose her partner. Her mother raised her to make an advantageous political match, so she’s been brainwashed not to fall in love. We know that she truly took this duty to heart because she was prepared to marry an abusive human in ACOTAR for a little protection. Nesta has the opportunity to carry out her warped views of marriage with Eris, but she chooses Cassian for herself. There’s no moment where the mating bond “snaps” in place like it did for other characters. It doesn’t happen until Nesta permits it to happen. She doesn’t lose her autonomy, she gains the power to choose. The fact that she ends up choosing the person she was fated to be with is poetic, confirming for Nesta that she made the right choice.

In ACOTAR, Nesta is introduced by demanding that Feyre spend some of the money from her hunt to buy her new boots. Elain also asks for a new cloak. At that time, it’s supposed to make them seem selfish. When Feyre confronts her about it later in the series, Nesta says that she knew Feyre could always go hunting again and find more money. She never admits or considers that she was valuing herself and her needs over the life of her youngest sister. Feyre is literally risking her life to go hunting, and Nesta admits that she expected Feyre to do it constantly to keep the family fed and clothed. She was very bitter when their father stopped providing for them—so bitter that she was willing to let the whole family starve to prove a point about his faults. Her gambling at the beginning of SF is a continuation of that flawed line of thought. That’s why Feyre breaks down and cries—it has nothing to do with the actual money (and we know from FS that Feyre is still anxious about spending, even though she and Rhys are very wealthy). Feyre sees the bar tab as proof that Nesta still isn’t able to see how her actions effect others—or clearly doesn’t care.

She’s still struggling with that mentality at the beginning of SF. Nesta is very hurt by their father’s death—because the moment that he returned to help them in their war again Hybern, it proved that he’d finally done what she wanted him to do all along. He’d gone out of his way to protect his daughters…and it got him killed. That’s why she’s so traumatized by the fire crackling. She’s not directly responsible for his actions, of course, but she feels responsible because she wanted him to step up for so long. Nesta’s expectations of others have always been too high. She knows Feyre will keep risking her life for their family because it’s what Nesta would have done (they’re “two sides of the same coin,” and that’s why Nesta goes after Feyre when Tamlin takes her to Prythian). She expects the priestesses to sign up for training because she knows Cassian can help them recover some of their strength. That’s the moment that she realizes she’s expecting too much of others—she becomes aware that the priestesses don’t trust Cassian like she does, so she stages the demonstration. It’s a personal breakthrough on so many levels, because she realizes that she has to help people reach the potential she expects of them. That’s something she never did for their father. What if Nesta, Elain, and Feyre had all come together to protect their father when thugs broke his knees? One child crying wasn’t going to do anything, but potentially three? And especially when Nesta’s death point even rattled the King of Hybern… she has always had the capacity to help others, but she’s chosen not to. Her mother raised her to remain aloof. Cassian continually reaching out to her helped her to make the important realization that she’s able to intervene and improve things for other people. He becomes an example of the positive effect that intervention can have, as Nesta sees herself growing and recognizes that he might be able to help some of the priestesses too.

The intervention of placing her in the House and ordering it not to provide her with wine is exactly what it sounds like…an intervention. Anyone struggling with unresolved trauma or depression knows how tempting it is to reach for some substances that will take your mind off things for a while. Nesta’s drinking reaches a new level in SF, as her apartment reeks and she doesn’t remember details about the person she just hooked up with. Cassian, Feyre, and Amren see that she is self-destructing. Amren tries some tough love and tells Nesta off, withholding her friendship, which has a profound impact on Nesta but doesn’t spur her into changing. When she hits some low points in the House, her mind turns to drinking. Being unable to get down the stairs is a symbol of her depression—she’s unable to literally get herself out of the house. Ultimately this issue is resolved when Nesta invites her friends over for a sleepover. Instead of trying to leave and get some wine, she has fun with her friends and makes homing beacon bracelets. AND, the one time that she does get herself out of the house, she immediately runs to her sister and emotionally wounds her. Nesta realizes then that she’s gone too far, and she runs back to the House. It’s all metaphorical for her social life. Alone, she’s self-destructive and causes pain to the people around her. With friends, she’s able to find fulfillment and doesn’t need alcohol to do it.

Her loss of autonomy when she went into the cauldron explains the whole Valkyrie storyline. Nesta says several times in SF that she’s weak. She learned how weak she was when Elain was kidnapped by Hybern, and that truly traumatized her. As they hunt for the Dread Trove items, she realizes that she wants to be stronger. To protect Elain, to protect Cassian, and to protect herself. She offers to scry for the Dread Trove to protect Elain, who snaps that she doesn’t need protection. Nesta’s issues with Elain are still unresolved by the end of SF, but I think that’s a setup for the next book. Cassian is supposed to be this super warrior, but Nesta has seen him practically defeated twice now (when she went into the cauldron and when they faced off with Hybern). Nesta decides that she wants to be stronger for herself. After seeing what her expectations of others did to her father, she’s realizing that she needs to take action. She pushes that very far on Ramiel during the Blood Rite, resolving her trauma at being unable to protect her loved ones. Nesta immediately goes to help Emerie and Gwyn, rather than assuming that they will be able to protect themselves. The old Nesta, who pushed Feyre to take extra risks, is gone. Nesta even sacrifices herself by remaining at the pass as Emerie and Gwyn finish the Rite. It’s an act of selflessness and demonstrates everything she’s realized about teamwork.

As far as the money goes, Rhys and Feyre offer Nesta jobs. They say at the beginning of SF that she refuses all of them. She doesn’t have financial independence because she hasn’t earned it. As a member of their family, Nesta is given access to the High Lord/Lady’s credit around town and she’s able to bill things to their accounts. Nesta says at the beginning of SF that she does this because there’s no reason for her to work. She ultimately does a lot of things in SF that prove her value—finding the Dread Trove, saving Feyre, etc. But Feyre always found Nesta valuable, which is why she was recognized as part of their family and provided for initially. Nesta’s “job” after the intervention is shelving library books. In a magical house. That moves books all the time. Clearly, she’s given this task so that she has something to do. Her job in the library leads to her forming some important relationships and friendships. It’s another metaphor for overcoming depression—just forming a routine and getting “out” helps Nesta begin her process of recovery.

Now, if Nesta fulfilled a role in the court where she was leading the Valkyries, she would be carrying out a more lucrative job. If she got named as an advisor, like Amren or Mor, she’d be carrying out a more lucrative job. There are many ways that Nesta can have financial independence by the conclusion of SF, and all it would take is a sentence or two. I don’t think this was intentionally left out. The ending suggests that Nesta has adjusted and she’s looking for ways to help others. She rejected working initially because she felt like there was no point, and she had nothing to give to others. By the end of SF, she’s got a new perspective of herself and she’s able to make more meaningful connections. Also, before leaving the topic of financial independence, Nesta likely won’t achieve that for a long time. Feyre and Rhysand are essentially royalty. Cassian, Amren, Azriel, and Morrigan all receive a paycheck for their roles in the court. They’re all several hundred years old at least, so they’ve had plenty of time to save. Even once Nesta starts receiving a salary after SF, it will take her time to gain enough wealth to be financially independent of her sister. Rhysand paid Feyre a salary when she arrived in the Night Court and agreed to work with them against Hybern. The implication is that Nesta never got paid because she spent everything she would have been paid in taverns. When he’s showering her with gifts at the end of the novel, it seems likely that he would re-establish a salary and account for her. I strongly doubt that Nesta is expected to start spending Cassian’s money, when Feyre and Rhys have been financing her all along.

Hell, even the dancing is a resolution of Nesta’s trauma. Her grandmother physically abused her when she was little, and her mother emotionally abused her by training her to use others for her benefit (and likewise using Nesta for herself). Dancing was the one thing that she enjoyed, and in SF she regains the ability to enjoy dancing for herself. Feyre and Rhys ask her to dance with Eris because of a political maneuver. Cassian had just noted that Nesta was making progress, but she needed to find something that brought her joy. Beyond the whole mate thing, he sees her dancing and he realizes that it’s a passion she’s never shared. It’s her thing, like Feyre’s painting or Elain’s gardening. Cassian’s solstice gift helps her resolve this issue because she can now dance any time she wants. Yet again, it’s another big tip on recovering from depression. Finding a hobby that brings joy can help to relieve some of those negative thoughts, especially when one is avoiding substance abuse.

Every trauma and unresolved issue that Nesta had is addressed by the end of the book. Her issues with her parents are issues that Elain and Feyre struggle with too, and now that both parents are dead they won’t get any further closure. But that’s life, and perhaps they can now find some support in each other.

Nesta at the end of the book would look back at the way she was previously and cringe. Nesta was:

Traumatized emotionally and sexually, unable to find fulfillment in intimate relationships

Using people for her benefit regardless of their cost or risk

Only willing to help Elain

An alcoholic who refused to participate in family gatherings and lashed out to hurt others emotionally

Unable to protect herself or anyone she cared about

Alone, feeling like she failed her father, failed Elain, and failed herself

Unwilling to do any sort of work or contribute to the goals of the Night Court, while benefiting from their protection and funding

Unhappy

She’s still a powerful woman who doesn’t take any shit. But Nesta now:

Has allowed herself to fall in love and enjoy it

Values others and supports them

Helps people when they need her

Has recovered from alcoholism and depression

Is no longer “weak” in any way

Values herself

Is able to do meaningful work

Finds joy in life

The ending scene where she visits her father’s grave takes it full circle. Nesta finally allows herself to admit the truth and stops punishing herself for his death.

What’s the message here? People are social. We’re pack animals—that’s why solitary confinement is so inhumane, and has such terrible effects on people. Nesta is independent and allowed to live her own life, but her friends and family can see that she’s hurting. Instead of turning their backs on her and letting her continue to self-destruct, they stage an intervention. It’s important that Nesta finds healing by reforming the Valkyries. She doesn’t suddenly become best friends with Feyre, or recover her relationship with Elain. Things are still rocky with Amren. Nesta chooses her own people on her journey. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s forgiven the Night Court, but it does mean that she’s better able to coexist with them. Since they’re all immortal now, it makes sense that the Night Court tries so hard to help her. They can’t just let Nesta wander off like a loose cannon, not when her powers could potentially threaten them. This isn’t just about the relationship between Nesta and her sisters, it’s also a matter of keeping Velaris safe. If anything, it’s more realistic that it takes a lot of time for Nesta to find a reason to connect with Velaris and keep it safe. Feyre takes a walk for 10 minutes and decides that she wants to live there forever. Nesta takes several months to make friends with a few people and find some value in staying in the city.

When we’re depressed and traumatized, we tend to pull away from others. Nesta’s journey in this book follows some pretty standard recommendations for recovery: establishing a routine, avoiding substance abuse, resolving financial issues, addressing emotional trauma, forming meaningful relationships, etc. Even her motto “I am the rock” is pretty standard meditation/recovery fare. The nature hike with Cassian is another big cheesy nod to recovery in real life—fresh air, exercise, and a connection with nature. Nesta’s healing arc is believable for her character and necessary for the progress of the series. If anything, it’s a little cliche. Don’t forget that by the end of the book, Nesta is in control of three items in the Dread Trove. Despite the wards, she summons them to save Feyre. She knows that she could summon them at any time. The Mother allows her to keep some of the power she stole, so Nesta certainly isn’t powerless. Individually, she’s powerful—and with the harp, mask, and crown she’s almost a god. Nesta ends the book more powerful than she was before.

the 10,000 steps were symbolic to nesta’s journey. they were not symbolic enough that she needs to remain living there. she’s locked away from society, it’s extremely difficult for her to leave the house. you said that all her traumas were addressed and resolved. i completely disagree. this is a quote from nesta around 85% through the book.

‘Having him kiss her and realizing that soon she’d have to return to this world humming around them, and leave the House, and she didn’t know what she would do then. What it would mean for them. If she would plunge back into that dark place she’d occupied before. Drag him down with her.’

her fears are never addressed and resolved. nesta remaining in that house isn’t having her trauma resolved. nesta staying in that house isn’t a positive thing, she’s afraid to leave her house and rejoin actual society. in her current mental state she’d rather lock herself away than actually go face the world again. i can’t say where she’ll be in the next book, but imo it doesn’t matter because we won’t know her thoughts and feelings. this is how her book ends, and as far as we know it’s the only book she’s getting. i know it takes a while to overcome such fears, but it’s also a fantasy book and it should’ve been resolved by the end. especially if the main theme of this book is healing.

and about the financial independence, it’s not a satisfying ending to hear that rhys will probably continue to finance her. financial dependence on others has controlled her life, it’s the reason why people were even able to lock her up in a house in the first place. she’s not going to be training or running the valkyries any time soon as she has just began training herself, she’s clearly not going to go into any type of political job either as sjm has made it quite clear she wants nesta to be a warrior. so i disagree that it’s something that can be addressed in the next book in a sentence or two. and i completely disagree that her financial issues have been in any way resolved.

i don’t have much to say on nesta finding her strength because i don’t agree w the approach sjm took, or better the direction sjm took. nesta lost her autonomy in the cauldron, and then throughout the next few books realised that she was completely helpless to help or save anyone. it’s great that she’s now physically stronger thanks to her training but imo it was the wrong way for nesta to find her strength. it doesn’t really make any sense to me. nesta is smart, she’s seen cassian (who is widely thought to be one of the strongest warriors ever) be taken down to almost death MULTIPLE times. so i can’t understand why sjm would write that nesta would feel comforted knowing she can fight. it’s great that she can now, every woman should be able to defend themselves, but it doesn’t make sense when she has seen that fighting isn’t all that effective. and it makes no sense to me when she had all that power at her fingertips. every single instance in the books where nesta is doing something positive, or saving herself—she’s using her powers. she saved cassian in acowar thanks to her powers, she uses her powers to distract the king, uses her powers to save herself in the bog, uses her powers fo save herself and cassian from lanthys, uses her powers to kill briallyn and then uses her powers to save feyre. majority of the positive things she’s done has been because of her powers. and i know she hates them because they’re cauldron given, and the cauldron is a source of serious trauma to her. but she eventually came around to accept the mating bond, which is cauldron given. and if you remember she initially hated the idea of training too, and she came around to that. it’s amazing she can fight now, but to me personally it wasn’t the most satisfying way for nesta to be able to defend herself and those she loves.

in regards to the bullet points showing the differences in old nesta and new nesta, i agree with some. she’s definitely addressed her emotional trauma. and her sexual trauma, to an extent. she’s allowed herself to love cassian now. but i disagree that she was only willing to help elain, and i disagree that she wasn’t willing to do work for the inner circle. in book 1, she goes to try save feyre from prythian. in book 2, she helps feyre with the human queens. in book 3, she accepts a job as emissary, trains w amren to help rebuild the wall, helps by telling her story to the high lords, helps hurt soldiers in the war and eventually is ready to sacrifice herself to by feysand time to rebuild the cauldron. so imo she’s always been willing to help others, she might not have always been enthusiastic about it but she helped when was asked.

you also said she values herself now. which i agree with, again to an extent. her self worth has definitely improved but she still has a lot of unhealthy feelings. a lot of nesta’s healing arc falls extremely flat. and nesta’s self worth is another thing that just falls flat to me. this is one of the very last paragraphs in the book

‘Her father had died for her, with love in his heart, and though she might not have deserved it then … She would do all she could now to earn it. To deserve not just his love, but that of those around her. Of Cassian.’

her self worth and value is still pretty low. nesta never becomes objective with herself. she never actually understands that sometimes she’s just too hard on herself, and her failings aren’t actually completely her fault. she doesn’t realise that her father showing up for once doesn’t excuse how neglectful and borderline abusive he was in her life. nesta thinking that she wasn’t deserving of her neglectful fathers love but being determined to do all she can to be worthy of it now is honestly just disturbing to me. why is nesta still carrying his failings on her shoulders. and i also don’t agree with the message that you need to work to be worthy of anyone’s love, especially when those around nesta are not perfect saints by any means. she still feels unworthy, still has cassian on a pedestal where she can’t see any of HIS mistakes and just blames herself for everything. which leads into a whole other topic of whether or not nesta even should be in a relationship right now.

also i don’t agree that there are a lot of implications that nesta will be even more powerful the next book or explore being a witch. i feel like the only thing clear is that she’s going to be a general like cassian.

maybe my expectations were too high for this book, maybe i’m applying too much reality to a fantasy book but i think if sjm wants to write books about mental health then i think it’s reasonable to be discussing whether or not nesta’s healing fell flat, which to me it did. some of the approaches to situations and messages sjm wants to send just don’t sit right w me.

not everything about acosf was bad. the friendships nesta found were honestly so beautiful and meaningful, some of nesta’s inner thoughts on her trauma were so beautifully written too. but since plot was basically non existent, all the loose threads and very very rushed writing falls flat. because there isn’t much else to the book. ie the sisters relationship being rushed towards the end, no meaningful conversations between the three of them, nesta and rhysands relationship being rushed at the end, nesta and mor being undeveloped and then rushed, nesta and amrens relationship not being touched upon much as well. if there was some intricate plot, it would be ok. but since there isn’t, and all these relationships were not well written, a lot of nesta’s own issues not being properly resolved and even nessian not having proper development, nesta’s healing arc, again, just falls flat to me. obviously you clearly have a completely different opinion which i respect, but this is just my take on it.