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Plant based I’ve recently changed my diet (nearly 4 weeks ago), to a mainly plant based diet. I’m still eating eggs, fish and a very small amount of dairy. I do have some days when I go all out vegan, but I’m not quite ready to change completely yet. I have eaten meat all of my life. I love it. The smell of bacon makes me dribble a little. Pork especially with crackling, roast beef, lamb,…

You can’t always get what you want

But If you try sometime you find you get what you need So as you all know I left my job of 6 years just over 2 weeks ago. I loved it there, I really did. The first 5 years were amazing, and then it turned sour, very sour. Did I want to leave? No. Did I have to leave? Yes. I had to leave for the sake of my mental health and wellbeing. It can’t disclose the real reason for leaving. All I will say…

One year on I can’t believe it been almost a year since I decided to start blogging. It was May 9th last year. Wow, what a year its been for me. From the depths of depression, attempted suicide and overwhelming anxiety to where I am right now. My head is in a good place, a real good place (my body will catch up). So where am I now? Well, I’m exactly where I should be, right here saying thank…

Today was sponsored by the “c” word

So Eleven days ago I decided to give up eating meat. Not an easy decision for someone that has been known to demolish a whole chicken for lunch. I loved eating meat, all kinds….chicken, pork, lamb, goat, beef, beaver (sorry). I ate meat every day of my adult life (apart from a trial run of cutting it out last year). I would have bacon sandwiches for breakfast, a meat based dinner and maybe even…

Today ….. Was the last day in my current job. A job I have had for just under six years. For those that don’t know, I worked in neurological care. The last two and a half years of which I have been working in neurological rehabilitation. During my time there I have made many friends, no I have gained a family. I have had laughed until I have cried, I have been mentally and physically exhausted,…

I’m tired

I wake up, I’m tired I can have good undisturbed sleep and still wake up feeling tired. It makes no difference if I go to bed early or late, get up with the birds or have a lay in. I’m still tired. I rest, I’m tired I can have a lazy day, not leaving my flat at all, and I’m still tired. I can take naps or avoid them, I’m still tired. I train, I’m tired Excersise energises me for a short…

One round to early

Have you ever Been forced to play your hand one round to early? Left a situation or place in your life because of the actions of others? I have, I’m there right now……

Finally England is starting to open up again. Non essential shops are open, beer gardens are open, hairdressers are open. Most importantly to me, the gym is open!!!! Excited I woke up like a kid at Christmas, I was so pleased and excited to finally be able to train again. Not only is it important to me to try to get my body back into some sort of reasonable shape, but also weight training is…

It’s dull and raining…. Outside, and that’s kinda how I feel inside, gloomy. I have my usual feeling of anxiety, but today it feels more like an overwhelming dread. I feel a little down today. Last day It’s my last day of annual leave today, maybe that’s why I’m feeling the way I do. I’ve had a good week off though, and I’m grateful for that. I’ve celebrated my birthday, been to London, ridden…

Pictures from my birthday

So…. It was a year ago that my illness got the better of me. You all know what happened. I’m not proud. What I am proud of however, is how far I have come. So what have I done? Well, therapy got me so far, medication got me so far, friends and family got me so far. It was however me that got me to the place I am in right now. https://images.app.goo.gl/bPtXWiQtK1M87K8s5 Who am I? Well, now I…

That was me I had my crystal ball and I could predict, no better than predict, I could see the future. I could see someone and instantly take a dislike to them. I would judge a person by simply looking at them. I could foresee an event and see how it would pan out, how awful it would be. I could see myself in any situation and just know how I would feel, how people would react to me, how they…

Innocence is wasted on the young

Childhood What did you worry about as a child? Most of us had everything that we needed, even everything we wanted. So what did we have to worry about? Food? Housing? Money? Work? Love? I’m guessing not. My worries as a child were being alone, not having any friends. I’ve taken this  worry with me into adulthood, only now I’ve added all of the above. Today Was a mixed bag for me. I’ve felt…

What am I missing?

Right now….. …I’m missing Mrs catmann, my new found love. This blog isn’t about her though (well, not entirely). I can summarise what I am missing in three little words…..I’m missing life. You know, normal life. Remember that? It’s not just me that is fed up. The roads are busier, more people are out and about. I’m not sure people are obeying the lockdown rules. Everyone has had enough. Mental…

The waves of anxiety have been replaced with waves of love. The insecurities have been washed away. As happy as I was alone, I now feel complete. I have managed to find “the one”, I have found my missing piece. Ladies and gentlemen, blog readers around the world. I can officially announce there is now a Mrs “Catmann” ( Catwoman). I have connected with a beautiful soul, a soul I am truly free…

Annual leave in lockdown

It’s been amazing ……so far Everyday I have done something new and exciting to expand my mind and open myself up to new pleasures and experiences. Monday I spent 4 hours in my kitchen trying to work out if the fridge light stayed on when I closed the door. I tried various techniques, slowly closing, slamming and even the gravity effect. For those not familiar with the gravity effect of fridge…

Why do I feel so much?

It’s fucking horrible Why can’t I control my feelings? The scenarios in my head take me over. I can fall in love with someone at the idea of who they are, meet them and watch as they run away. Why am I not a normal man that doesn’t care? Why, why, why