#andriod

Billy stared down at you with a dangerous look in his eyes. You were standing there begging for him to give in to his darkest desires, but he found himself faulting. You looked at him and stepped closer. 'Please...'

'I don't know if I can, darlin. If I hurt you, how am I any different from your husband.'

'Because I'm asking you to and I want you to. Everything he did wasn't my choice,' you whispered. You gently took his hand and guided it to your throat. 'Please, I want to feel...everything. I want to feel because I decided to,' you said as he hand began to tighten around your throat. You closed your eyes and held onto his wrist.

'Fuckin hell, you're gonna be the death of me,' he whispered.

'Hurt me...I need more,' you whispered. You handed him the blade and he paused for a moment. 'You can just heal me... Please, I need to be hurt,' you whispered with desperation in your voice. He looked at you and gripped the blade. He gently led you back before lifting you onto the dresser behind you. He gently brought the blade up to your thigh and looked at you.

'You're in control here, darlin. You want me to stop, I stop. Understand?' he said gently.

'Yes... I understand, Billy.'

He pressed the blade into your thigh and you let out a gasp. 'That's it, darlin.' He dragged the blade down and cut open your artificial skin. You covered your mouth and leaned back against the wall. 'You enjoying that, sweet girl?'

'Yes... Please don't stop,' you whispered as you held onto his arm. He continued to press the knife in further and you couldn't help but let out a small moan. You looked at him with hazy eyes and brought his face closer. He leaned in and kissed you softly before it turned into a desperate passion between you both. He took the blade out and you wrapped your arms around him. He pulled away and started to kiss your neck. 'I want to have sex, please. Billy please have sex with me,' you begged. He paused and looked at you.

'I...can't, sweetheart. You were made for this, I shouldn't take advantage of that,' he said. You shook your head and held him close to you.

'I was made for Homelander... He isn't here, I want to feel what sex is like when someone isn't controlling me. Please,' you whispered as you kissed him again. He looked at you and couldn't stop the bombardment of thoughts in his head.

'We can talk about it more tonight, okay? When everyone else is asleep,' he said as he pulled away. He could see how hurt you looked and tried to keep himself together. 'Don't look so sad, darlin. I just need to think about this, alright?' he said before he left. You sat there feeling rejected as you closed your eyes. You glanced at the blade beside you and gripped the handle. Suddenly the door opened again and Billy rushed in to take the knife from you. 'You don't hurt yourself unless I'm with you, understood?' he said with a stern tone. You bit your lip and nodded a little as he sighed. 'Come on, sweetheart.' He held your hand and pulled you back out into the main room. Billy sat beside you as they all ate dinner. They realised you didn't need to eat but it was still a little awkward. You sat with your legs crossed before you suddenly gasped and gripped your chest. Billy looked at you with worry before Frenchie quickly loaded up the feed from your clone. Your eyes turned white as they watched Homelander through your clone against the wall.

'You're fucking useless! You need some fucking tweaking, you can't do anything. You need to be perfect!' he shouted as your clone stared up at him. He lasered your head off and the feed cut off as you screamed and fell to the ground. Billy rushed over and held you.

'Easy, easy it's okay. It's not you dying, you're okay,' he said. You tried to keep your breathing steady as you gripped into Billy.

'I've...I've felt that before. I've died before,' you whispered.

'You've died a few times because of that bastard, darlin. Your artificial brain is just starting to remember,’ he said. The team looked up at you sadly as you stared at the ground.

‘I feel…bad,’ you whispered.

‘Tell us how you feel, Y/N. Try to understand it,’ Hughie said.

‘I feel gross and…betrayed. I used to feel good about his hands on me or when he would use me. Now I feel disgusted and guilty,’ you whispered as tears formed in your eyes. Annie kneeled in front of you and offered you a sad smile.

‘Unfortunately that’s a normal thing to feel when you’ve been sexually abused, or even just abused,’ she said.

‘Sexually…abused? No that’s not what he did, he just didn’t understand.’

‘Darling, they created you to never deny whatever he wanted. Maybe you are artificial, but it’s still fuckin rape,’ Billy said. You closed your eyes and shook your head.

‘I don’t want to feel like this. Just make me happy,’ you said. ‘The device can take it away.’

‘We could, Y/N. But that would complicate things even more. You deserve to feel like any other human,’ Annie said.

‘I’m not human! I’m fake, I’m created as nothing but…’ you trailed off and broken down crying.

‘Give us a minute,’ Billy said to the team. They nodded and left the main room so you could be alone with Billy. ‘Sweetheart, we ain’t taking your emotions away. If you want to be human like us you unfortunately have to feel the same as we do. We can’t just turn off our emotions when it gets hard,’ he said. You looked at him and wiped away your tears.

‘I feel so gross. I feel like I can feel his hands on me, his lips on my chest…’ you said with a small choked sobbed. ‘I was nothing, he would just turn me off when he didn’t need me. I don’t want this, I don’t want to exist.’

Billy reached up and wiped your tears away. ‘I know, love. I can’t imagine what it feels like. To find out you ain’t even a real person. I can say with certainty that you are a person to me and the rest of the boys. We’re gonna do whatever we can to get rid of that programming after we take down Homelander,’ he said. You looked at him and had a guilty look in your eyes.

‘I still love him, Billy…’

‘I know, darling. It’s because it’s programmed into your head. They programmed you to love him no matter what,’ he said. You closed your eyes and nuzzled into his hand.

‘Being human is hard,’ you whispered. Billy chuckled softly.

‘Yeah, it ain’t a walk in the park, sweetheart. I’m happy to show you the ropes, alright?’

‘Why…? You could just get what you need and sell me for parts.’

‘I could, but I’m not gonna do that. You’re a person in my eyes now, love.’

—

After dinner and all the team had gone home or into their rooms you sat with Billy on the couch. You glanced at him before you moved and straddled his legs. His hands went to your thighs and looked at you. ‘You alright?’

‘Yeah, I just wanted to be close. Is that okay?’ You asked nervously.

‘Of course it is, sweetheart.’

‘Can you…touch me? Not sexually just,’ your cheeks flushed and you looked away. Billy reached up and gently ran his finger down your neck.

‘You wanna feel touch?’ He asked. You nodded and closed your eyes as his finger continued down to your chest and then your stomach. His hand gently rubbed your hip and brought you closer. You leaned in cautiously and rested your head on his shoulder. ‘That’s it, darling.’ His hands ran over your back and up to your hair, your artificial skin tingled wherever his hands touched. You nuzzled into him and sighed softly. You leaned back and looked at him.

'Can I kiss you?' you whispered. He smiled and gently held your face before kissing you. You whined and shifted closer to his body and kissed him deeper. You were addicted to the feeling of his lips on yours. You pulled away and looked into his eyes, he smiled and gently rubbed your hips.

'You look star struck, darlin,' he teased. Your cheeks flushed and you chuckled softly.

'It's just nice to...kiss. Knowing that it can go wherever I want it to. That it's my choice,' you whispered. He smiled and held your face in his hand and gently stroked your cheek.

'Well, kissing and sex is pretty damn nice when it's your choice, sweetheart.'

'Can we have sex now?' you asked. He sighed and pulled you even closer to him.

'Not yet, sweetheart. We'll take this slow, okay? You're going through a lot, but I'm here to help you and here to touch you,' he said. He pulled you in again and kissed you softly. You pulled away and looked at him.

'I'm sorry I keep asking I just...I don't know what to do,' you whispered. Billy smiled and tucked your hair behind your ear.

'I know, darling. I just don't want to rush into anything. There's a lot you don't know about me,' he said. You looked at him and nodded a little.

'Yeah... I guess I don't. I know your name, that's about it. Yet I'm willing to beg you for sex,' you said with a small laugh.

'It's okay, Y/N. You're confused and trying to understand how to be on your own for the first time,' he said. You bit your lip and looked at him.

'I don't know if I can...sleep. Can I sleep with you tonight and...if I can't get to sleep you can turn me off for a bit? I trust you with the device,' you whispered. Billy smiled and nodded his head.

'Yeah, I can do that. Come on, I'm buggered,' he said as he lifted you up. You chuckled and wrapped your legs and arms around him. He gently put you onto his bed and you began crawling under the blankets. He chuckled softly and took his shirt and pants off so he was left in his boxers. Billy placed the device next to his bed before he climbed in beside you. You immediately cuddled into him and he smiled softly, it had been a long time since Billy had someone in bed with him for anything other than a one night stand.

‘Can I look at the device? I won’t touch anything, I just want to see all the settings,’ you asked. Billy grabbed it and handed it to you. You turned it on and began scrolling through the settings. Everytime you saw a new one you felt sicker about it. 'Just one press and I...do whatever he wants,' you whispered. Billy gently took the device and turned it off.

'Not anymore. After all this is over I promise I'll crush that damn remote under my boot,' he said. He turned back around and wrapped his arms around you. He enjoyed the feeling of your warm body against his. Billy reached up and gently ran his hand through your hair. 'Try to get some sleep, okay?'

--

Billy had ended up having to turn you off manually after you had tried and tried to go to sleep. When morning rolled around he woke you up with the device and you slowly sat up. 'Morning, sleeping beauty.'

'Hey... How long did you turn me off for?' you asked as you swung your legs over the bed.

'Seven hours, just as long as I slept. How are you feeling?' he asked as he got dressed.

'Lighter... I don't know, yesterday I felt so sad, but today I feel a bit better. I guess that's a good thing,' you said. You stood up and looked at Billy, he smiled and kissed you gently. 'I'm scared, Billy.'

He reached up and held your face in his hand. 'Of what, darlin?'

'I'm scared he'll find out what we're doing. That I'll have to go back,' you whispered. Billy looked at you and sighed.

'I wish I could promise that's not going to happen, love. I just don't know, but I can tell you that I'll do everything I can to protect you. Okay?' he said as he stroked your cheek. You smiled and looked up at him.