I have no cats and my hands are cold

they should invent putting on sunscreen that doesn't feel like putting on sunscreen

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent

Those numbers suggest Georg is currently eating an average of over 769 thousand spiders per second

Your government should pay you to exist for the simple reason that the world is better with you in it.

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

10/10 post bringing it back for 2026

It's always "stop harming yourself or we'll have to lock you up!!!" and never "what do you need to change to want to harm yourself less and how can we help you make some of these changes?" and that's why we're not getting anywhere

there should be a pill you can take one time that will shrivel up your uterus and abort it through one last horrible period

did perfectionism ever truly protect you from harm or neglect as a child though. ultimately. Lol

[REALLY NORMAL AND WELL-ADJUSTED VOICE] well you never know maybe it COULD have saved me. if i ever actually achieved perfection. it could have happened then. if i was actually ever enough. Which i was not

This scene- in which a pampered housecat beats the shit out of a digimon that has already digivolved and has energy attacks- implies that, were cats introduced to the Digital World, they would be invasive, species-destroying super predators like they are IRL. I hypothesize that this is what happened in our world, where cats were introduced to the Internet as Lol cats, dominating the Internet memetic ecosystem and preventing the formation of the Digital World seen in Digimon.

Fuck. oh my god. Rest in peace anthony stewart head