ceci n'est pas un titre

sorry to anyone who followed me for anything. you're not getting that

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

I bet her duel deck is fucking insane.

Quest: help Oprah find and destroy Dr Phil

"my very photogenic mother died in a freak accident (picnic, lightning) when i was three" like come ON how did you write the funniest sentence ever by adding a two word parenthetical. leave something for the rest of us

I got to “Faturn” and burst into horribly loud laughter I’m now crying over this in bed fucking Faturn

A PORN BOT UNFOLLOWED ME?

Dreamt i met two little kids named Vaphny Daphny (one name) and Diplet and I said "Are you fucking serious? Those are your fucking names?" And they started crying

a billionaire can never be held accountable, therefore a billionaire must never make a management decision

i have a suggestion

forcefemming the billionaires won't help

sorry I thought you were someone else