Carrie Anne "Carrion" Gutrot

Art by Carrie Anne Gutrot

maybe it does like losing. maybe it doesn't really want to fight. maybe its will is running out and maybe you finally got to it. maybe it's a bad hero and the strength of its justice isn't enough.

or maybe all its fighting has been because it couldn't admit that it didn't want to fight. because fighting was always the default option. the thing it was told it was supposed to do. the thing everyone always said it had to do, no matter how hard it was.

and to give that up now would feel like losing itself. like admitting it had been making a mistake. like dying.

but now that little miss instantlossbait maybe doesn't entirely want to fight anymore, it's scared in a different way.

what if you only want it because it fights? because it tries to run? because it insists it won't lose? what if that's the only reason you chase after it, not to catch it but to enjoy the run?

little miss instantlossbait thinks that that would be very cruel of you, but you're a very evil woman so maybe you are that cruel.

little miss instantlossbait hopes that if it ever stops fighting, that you'll still want it, that you'll still pay attention to it, that you'll still give it love.

"having fun?"

she backed up, leaving a trail of spit connecting me to her gun. i wanted it back. i turned to look at her comrade, the woman leaning in the corner by the door. she was taller, long blonde hair, wearing the same off-white tank top, olive cargo pants, and combat boots as her friend. rebels.

"fuck off!! why'd you call me in here anyway? this thing doesn't know shit." she smacked me with her gun.

"who said this was an interrogation?"

"wh- how the fuck is it not an interrogation? she's tied to a chair, we're in a concrete room, what else could it be?"

the woman smiled. she was heating her knife with a lighter, turning it in her hands. "you looked so excited! i didn't want to spoil it."

gun lady was turning red. "i-im not a pervert like you are!! i was doing my duty for the rebellion!" she crossed her arms with a hmph.

knife lady smiled. "look down."

she did, and she saw the erection poking up from my tied-together thighs. she was staring for a bit too long.

chuckling from the corner. "not at her, you idiot."

i looked too. her situation wasn't much different from mine. she'd managed to turn redder.

"f-fuck you!! why'd you bring me here?!" she was pouting a bit.

the woman turned to her, letting her smile drop. "you wanted to know about what i do here, right?"

"y-yeah..."

she gestured at me with the knife. it'd just begun to glow a little. "this one's a hound. we picked her up about a month ago. shes in for reconditoning; she's doing quite well, if you can believe it. she's close to picking out a name." she turned to me, with a small smile on her face. it made me smile too.

"what, you're gonna make it normal again?"

the woman's smile faded, and she sighed. "previous rehabilitation techniques failed because they tried to rebuild a construct of what a person once was. that person is gone, gone forever. there's no more 'normal' for it to return to." she turned to look at me again. "we need to meet it where it is. we need to let it grow, redevelop its autonomy." she flicked her lighter closed, and stood up. "observe."

she walked over to me. slowly, deliberately. she reached her hand up behind my hair, stroking my head gently. the tip of knife's spine rose to my throat; i could feel the heat radiating off it. she was smiling again, looking me in the eye. "ready?"

i took a moment to steel myself, before nodding. burning pain shot through my neck, and the warmth radiated through my whole body. i was shaking, twitching, gasping, moaning. everything blended together. i tried to move my head, but she held me firm, forcing me to look her in the eyes. she was grinning wider than ever, biting her lip slightly, muttering pleasant reassurances into my ear. it was good. it hurt. it hurt. i wanted to be good for her. it hurt. it... it hurt. it hurts. i tapped my hand on the chair, and immediately she withdrew the knife and loosened her grip.

"good girl! you did so well!" she cooed, petting me with her free hand. i smiled and panted, barking a bit. she turned to look at her comrade, beaming. "see that? that was a safeword. she wouldn't have done that a month ago."

"what the fuck? you're a gods-damn pervert!"

"so what?" she was still grinning ear to ear. "you think the fucking imps are any better? they could've made her into anything. they made her into this."

"wh-why the freak sex stuff? isn't that bad for them?"

"quite the opposite. they need it." she pet me affectionately. "soon enough, it'll be able to ask for it. right now, it just begs with its eyes." she squatted down next to me, and i rubbed my head into her hand. "its healthier to recontextualize than to repress. like i said, we need to meet them where they are. the imps would have us believe there are only people to lead, and dogs to follow. they're wrong. we're all people."

"oh, yeah. and it's total coincidence that this worldview of yours lets you torture girls for fun."

a cruel glint flashed in her smile. "the world can be a beautiful place sometimes."

The video camera is plugged into the VCR, allowing it to record itself being poked and prodded.

Christians love doing stuff like this and making such a person the face of their religion then turn around and get mad when they're (correctly) seen as insufferable.

it was a 0 out of 25 points. that's not even a huge deal.

she only wrote 650 words.

the girl didn't do the actual assignment; she just wrote what she felt like and submitted it.

the class was a PSYCHOLOGY course yet her essay was about her religious beliefs and provided no citations or psychological basis. she simply insisted her argument was true because the bible supposedly says so.

her entire essay is a mindless rant about how strict gender roles must be upheld and trans people are "demonic"

her writing—and i cannot stress this enough—is on par with that of a child who doesn't want to do an assignment. it's so bad i genuinely thought i was reading a satire article.

the student is a fucking college JUNIOR writing like a 10-year-old. she is also a psychology MAJOR who thinks everything in the bible is literal and that her religion is the only source anyone needs. this is someone who intends to go into mental health care. she is dangerously bigoted and ignorant, and her professor saw this and was punished for grading accordingly.

here's a line from her essay:

"Women naturally want to do womanly things because God created us with those womanly desires in our hearts. The same goes for men. God created men in the image of His courage and strength, and He created women in the image of His beauty."

here's her teacher's reasoning for the grade:

“[I am] not deducting points because you have certain beliefs" but rather because the paper "does not answer the questions for this assignment, contradicts itself, heavily uses personal ideology over empirical evidence in a scientific class and is at times offensive."

the girl is a hate-filled bigot. she is a white christian girl who is now being championed by fox news and turning point usa while her professor sits on fucking forced leave. this is disgusting.