get love quick schemes

in a parasocial relationship with the sea

they should invent putting on sunscreen that doesn't feel like putting on sunscreen

Wait…. 😳 there’s a way out?

Fuuuuuuck me. It’s through? And that’s the only way? Fuuuuuuuck dude

"I guess I would scream too if I knew a God could hear me" is too much of a raw line to come from a tik tok about a cat

I like to fuck around and waste time for at least ~6-10 hours per day, and let me tell you, that really puts some pressure on your schedule. you have no idea how busy I am

Walgreens texts you your prescription is ready and then immediately calls you like PICK UP YOUR DAMN PRESCRIPTION NEOW OR THE PHARMACY TECHNICIAN GETS IT

trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled

pulling yourself up by your strap-on or whatever they say

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies