how will I know if I have the exploding diarrhea disease or just the expected consequences of eating a watermelon as large as me in the span of 48 hours?
we're not kids anymore.

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how will I know if I have the exploding diarrhea disease or just the expected consequences of eating a watermelon as large as me in the span of 48 hours?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I was worried about being able to finish the massive watermelon I got at Costco but I’ve already eaten half of it. I got it yesterday. And today I ate half of it. And I think by sunset tomorrow there will be nary a drop of juice left in my home
Useful image for when your internet friends have rain in their cities and you don’t
This is one of the best posts I’ve ever made. It’s just people talking about wanting rain. Or who have too much rain and want other to have their rain.
concept: instead of “time traveller from the past is unimpressed by the present” it’s “time traveller from the past loves things we don’t like about modern society” like they think pollution is badass or something
medieval peasant upon hearing the number of species that go extinct every day: fuck yeah, damn those beafts to hell

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HACKS: S02E05 / S03E05 / S05E10
my bits that i do for myself are so funny to me that sometimes i genuinely forget that literally no one else gaf. i'll make a reference to my own inside joke with myself to someone else and then act surprised when no one gets it until i remember that i just Made That Up
having feelings that contradict your morals is soooo fucking annnoooooyyyiiingggggg. can the emotions and logic department get on the same page im tired of having to like strangle myself into being a tolerable person
i once took the most beautiful nap, when i was a teenager in a minivan in a k mart parking lot on a road trip with my family. i woke up feeling refreshed in a way i thought only characters in movies could wake up feeling. and i've been chasing that high with every single nap since then. i've never met her again, but not for lack of trying. i see her face looking back at me from every brooklinen ad. i hear her whisper to me from the window on a rainy day. but then i turn around and she's gone. but i will never stop looking for her.
people will really come on here and be like "wow being smart as a kid was so alienating for me, i was just so smart i couldn't relate to anyone" and then repeatedly fall for obvious bait posts

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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EGO DEATH AT A BACHELORETTE PARTY | HAYLEY WILLIAMS
internally, you must start adding “and they still can’t stop us” to the end of every dismaying statistic about rape, male violence, and woman-hating. 1 in 9 girls are sexually abused, and they still can’t stop us. a woman is killed by a partner or family member every 10 minutes, and they still can’t stop us. the global pay gap is still wide, we have not achieved gender parity in global politics, etc etc etc, and they still can’t stop us. women & girls can’t be stopped. we carve out our lives and make change. we are at war and many individual battles are lost, the suffering is enormous. but women will win the war (and are winning across the eons), because everything they’ve done so far hasn’t been able to put a dent in the collective female spirit, which is evident when you look at the curve of human history and how we never give up on improving, inventing, innovating, changing life for the better
mood
lmfao that reminds me, I was at dinner w my family and my mom and stepdad were talking about setting a family friend of ours up with someone they know and they were like oh he’s sweet! he’s just a little insecure because he’s short so it’s been hard for him. and I said HOLD ON. go NO further. NEVER date an insecure short man. EVER!!!! and everyone said I was being mean (even though everyone knows I love a short king, come on). but I would die on this hill.

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i may be dumb and i may be insecure but at least i’m not this manlet who interpreted “short” as an attack on his height instead of as blunt or abrupt
obsessed with this sign i saw taped up outside the bat room at the zoo yesterday. the enthusiasm, the hand-written note, the bat drawing.