When women look for a provider, they find abusive men because they look for an imbalanced relationship, and those relationship end with coercive control. The more the women comply, the more coercive he becomes. This leads to abusive relationships and even feminicides. So when you promote a patriarcal relationship, you are opening the door to all those men who need some control, and since we are human, we make mistakes, and they will be disappointed in us and it will end badly. It makes sense because from the beginning, we are looking for an imbalanced relationship, and that's given control to a person who loves that power.
What are your thoughts about this?
Firstly, the possible premise of abuse exists in relationships that are not traditional just as much. If this were not true, then in the urban western world, relationship abuse would have disappeared, and everyone - especially women - would have reported high levels of satisfaction. Neither of these are true. Level of happiness and fulfillment in relationships have dropped, and abuse has stayed more or less the same.
Second, I am not opening the door to "all those men". I am opening the door towards the possibility of a responsible male-led relationship. The responsible / caring / loving word is key operative here. A man who is irresponsible, uncaring, doesnt know how to lead, doesnt know how to bring out submission or deference in his girl, has not yet earned the right of passage through that door.
So what do I propose?
Firstly, men need to level up. Men need to believe and see their role as provider - not merely in the sense of bringing bread to the table. But, as providers of safety, emotional refuge, protection, care, leadership, fatherhood. The social structure I propose contributes to this, because it re-establishes a key purpose, raison d'etre and modus operandi for men - something that is sorely lacking in the current social context, leading to disillusionment and lack of role models.
Second, I am pointing out to women that they need to learn how to recognize a good, leading, dominant man in the true sense of masculinity. If we are being honest, too many women today have imbibed entirely wrong ideas of the what kind of man to chase - and the invitation to abuse often, though not always, starts by falling head of heels in the name of looks, machismo, chest thumping, bravado, social charm, and "chemistry". Projecting one's unmet needs from a place of wounded desperation has proven throughout histroy to be a terrible fuel for life decisions - and this has been no exception.
